Lovefraud recently received the following question from a reader: When a sociopath targets his victim, does he think and create a plan as to HOW he is going to manipulate his prey to glean what he wants, or is this just second nature to him? How can he spend MONTHS being such a kind, considerate person, going out of his way to do the "little" things that matter in life, before turning into the evil monster? When you have been deceived and manipulated by a sociopath, the most difficult idea to grasp is how totally different people with this personality disorder are from the rest of us. Their behavior is different from everything we thought we knew about human …
BOOK REVIEW: I’m still standing, by Lovefraud’s Mel Carnegie
If you've been reading Lovefraud for awhile, you've probably been inspired by the many encouraging articles contributed by Mel Carnegie, a British woman now living in France who experienced her own devastating marriage to a sociopath. Now, you can read her complete story in her new book, I'm Still Standing, and be even more inspired. Mel has told us snippets of her story: how she lost her father, and then her mother, while she was young. How she was abandoned by her guardians. How she had a son, although the relationship didn't last. And then how she met the man who she thought was the love of her life, only to be totally betrayed. In I'm Still Standing, Mel takes us along on her journey, …
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PTSD from the military perspective
Master Sgt. James Haskell, an Air Force gunner, was one of the first responders of 9/11, flying over Ground Zero as it smoldered below. A year later, he sought help for PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder. He describes what he experienced and why he went for counseling. Many Lovefraud readers who were in relationships with sociopaths have exactly the same symptoms. PTSD: Many struggle, few tell, on Holoman.af.mil. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Seriously lacking: ‘Savvy Senior’ advice about online dating
Savvy Senior, a syndicated column that appears in more than 400 newspapers and magazines across the United States, calls itself an information service for baby boomers and senior citizens. The author, Jim Miller, recently published an article called Looking for love and companionship online. It started with a question from a reader: Dear Savvy Senior: What can you tell me about online dating for older people? My daughter has been urging me to give it a try, but at age 62, I'm a little hesitant. Lonely Senior Miller responded by describing the mechanics of online dating—how to choose a dating site and how to create a profile. He encouraged seniors to "make an effort" and …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The Other Prey – loving someone previously married to a sociopath
Editor's note: The following was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Winifred." This is titled "The Other Prey," and is for all of us who have chosen to love our current partners who were married to, or close to, sociopaths in the past. When I met my husband over 15 years ago, he had filed for divorce. Even though he was an extremely quiet and private man, after years of friendship, he shared with me that his soon-to-be ex wife was a "sociopath"! I was in my late 30s and had heard of this term before, but one never really can begin to absorb what it means until you experience a sociopath first hand as I am. Growing up as a child of an alcoholic mother, I had been in two failed …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I wanted him to ‘fix’ me
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from a reader whom we'll call "Eugenie." My sociopath got in touch through a mutual friend on Facebook. We had been at college together, although I didn't remember him. He was quirky, charismatic, attentive, open, romantic and respectful. We didn't even kiss until I'd been seeing him for six weeks. Over the next few months, we went on several weekends away to European cities and to places in England —where I'm from. We saw each other about twice a week and I was happy with that. I have a busy and independent life and he appeared to have the same. He had a history of serial adultery, a failed marriage, several failed relationships and …
Believing the fantasy rather than evidence
Hundreds of people in northwest Western Australia have been sending money to criminals from West Africa. The con artists target vulnerable people through dating websites and social networking. Even when police officers show evidence that they are being scammed, some targets continue to send money. ABC news quoted a detective: "No matter how much we can explain and show them documents, photos etc to face the reality that they have been defrauded and the dream is not real, for a lot of victims it's too much for them to accept so they continue to believe the dream until they have nothing left," he said. 'Love' scam victims conned 'until nothing left,' on ABC.net.au …
What happens when we fail to take action against bad behavior
A few articles in the news recently illustrate a disturbing failure in that can be seen in a multitude of situations throughout society. These cases are from the U.S., but I imagine the pattern applies just about anywhere. In Dallas, Texas, Antoine Flowers, hired for a top information technology post at Dallas City Hall, resigned after four months on the job. Two weeks later, he was arrested for stealing and pawning $10,000 worth of the city's iPads. The real question is how he got hired in the first place. Flowers' resume stated that he'd worked as a software engineer at NASA, was a college education director and had served in the Army, with top-secret clearances. This did not raise …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I lived in denial
Editor's note: The following story was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Alyce." When is it possible to forgive myself? I met a very charismatic man who was lecturing at a local dog boarding kennel. Over the course of a year I attended training, and I watched him help many people. He quoted science books and talked about papers he had written at university. We became friends, me asking for advice and he was always obliging beyond anyone else I met. I was quite attracted to him, but happy to keep that attraction to myself. Then he declared one day he was attracted to me. I suppose I was flattered. A romance began and we moved far too quickly. Before I knew it we were …
Man v. Mouse: “in sickness and in health,” as long as we are healthy
Life partners often vow to care for one another "til death do us part" and "in sickness and in health." But do these concepts apply to psychopathic partners or those high in psychopathic traits? You guessed it. They do not. If we are involved in a relationship with a psychopath and fall ill, we will see their true colors quickly. We can expect a marked difference between the behaviors exhibited in a real love and psychopathic "love." For if we have nothing to offer, they will not be there for us in our hours of need. It may not be immediate. We may feel secure in the first "hour" or two. Those feelings, however, will quickly give way to reality. Initially, their words will …
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