How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Life with a sociopath ends in death

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Editor's note: Following is sad news from the Lovefraud reader "Hoping to Heal." Several years ago, I was introduced to a young vivacious couple. Both were very attractive and successful. They were charming and fun to be around. Both had lots of energy and seemed to be enjoying life to its fullest. They seemed to adore one another. While I'd never met the man before, he did have a reputation of being a real Ladies Man. He had been married before and had many relationships that he left abruptly. But, he had it All ”¦ good looks, charisma and a good job, and women were beating his door down. At the time I met this couple, I assumed he had "grown up" and gotten his act together. They looked …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my sister?

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Editor's Note: This letter was submitted  by Lovefraud reader we'll call "Elizabella." Other names in this letter have been changed. I've spent hours online searching for specific suggestions that apply to this particular situation, but am still mostly at a loss regarding how to handle it and am desperate for help. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, but there is so much to this story. I left an emotionally abusive marriage after 20 years, so I'm very familiar with how these "relationships" work and I am now convinced that my sister, Lisa, is in such a marriage, although she refuses to admit it; she has only hinted at it in the past. She has been married to him (I'll call him Ralph) …

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Online threats: Crimes or free speech?

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The Supreme Court of the United States may soon decide whether or not to hear appeals of two cases in with people were convicted and sent to jail for making online threats, even though they later said they didn't mean any harm. In one case, Anthony Elonis of Pennsylvania, wrote on Facebook about killing his estranged wife. According to the Associated Press, he said: “There's one way to love you but a thousand ways to kill you. I'm not going to rest until your body is a mess, soaked in blood and dying from all the little cuts.” The woman testified in court that she feared for her life. Elonis was sentenced to almost four years, and was released on February 14, 2014, according to The Exp …

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Why I wrote ‘Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist’

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Editor's note: The following essay was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "PeggySue." My book, Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist came into being as I worked to create my life again following the utter anguish of being used and manipulated by the husband I cherished and who, I believed, loved me. In the midst of heartache and disbelief, I found myself to be dealing with the memories of gaslighting, my devastated emotions, a financial outlook of sheer decimation, and the loss of just “who I was.” Marrying on the heels of my completion of my book called Romance Stew, I was, at age 55, heady at finding “Mr. Right.” The man and his family filled my heart's empty spaces with hope …

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New Jersey Judge John Tomasello refuses restraining order for victim of convicted pedophile and bigamist William Jordan

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By Joyce M. Short BURLINGTON COUNTY, NJ Although New Jersey revamped their sexual assault laws in 2012, yesterday Family Court Judge John Tomasello proved those changes could be easily undermined by a judge who's a misogynist dinosaur. Mishcelle Lewis, of Florence Township, New Jersey, had petitioned the court for a restraining order against convicted bigamist and child molester, William Allen Jordan. Jordan currently awaits trial on charges of sexual coercion, theft by deception, and impersonating a government official. He is currently housed in a special protective section of the Burlington County jail designated for sexual predators. His case history includes failure to register as a …

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Why Do I Feel So Guilty? How Sociopaths Shame Us Into Submission

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If I had to pick the most powerful tool in a sociopath's arsenal, it would be shame.   I've experienced a myriad of emotions during my life with sociopathic parents:  sadness, anger, confusion, jealousy (from observing "healthy" families), fear, loneliness, compassion, forgiveness.  During the healing process, it is very normal to have waves of these emotions come and go.  But for me, the one emotion that hasn't come and gone, the one that has blanketed my entire life history, is shame. Why shame?  I didn't ask to be abused as a child.    As an adult, I certainly had the choice to sever ties with my parents, but I didn't because I thought a good daughter wouldn't do that.   If I hang in the …

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New book about the Susan Powell disapperance reveals abuse

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Gregg Olsen and Rebecca Morris released their book “If I Can't Have You: Susan Powell,”  which reveals what life was like inside the home of Susan and Josh Powell and their two young sons 7 year-old Charlie and 5 year-old Braden. According to neighbors, Josh mentally and physically abused Susan and the boys. After Susan's mysterious disappearance in 2009, her parents, Chuck and Judy Cox, cared for the boys. They began to see signs that the boys may have been sexually abused while living with their father and paternal grandfather. Susan's body has never been found.  Josh Powell blew up their home, killing his sons and himself in the explosion. Revealed: Josh Powell 'sexually abused his t …

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Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: Support group for destructive relationships

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By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey Last summer I got a support group off the ground comprised of clients, all of whom had been in a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath or combination thereof. The reason I began the group is because, first of all, there appears to be an epidemic out there of conscience-free people who are destroying the lives of their partners. Just in my practice there were enough clients to start a group. Now there are many others. “Nobody heals alone” The other reason is that I understand and believe in the power of support groups. I heard an interesting quote last year in a workshop: “Nobody heals alone”. This is based on fi …

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Traumatic Bonding: When You Love Your Abuser

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Last Memorial Day weekend, as I was picking out flowers for my mom and dad's graves, my dad kept coming to my mind:  What flowers would he like?........Red was always his favorite color, I'll get some red flowers......I should put a little American flag with his flowers, he would like that....... There were a lot of scary, unsettling times in my life with my parents, but one thing that stayed pretty consistent was the soft spot I had for my dad.  It sounds odd, because I was terrified of him. Letting your guard down was never an option.  The smallest thing would trigger a violent rampage.  Yet, I've always had an inexplicable fondness for my dad.  There were many times during my chil …

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The Sociopath as Coach, Part II

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Some sociopaths make the "best" coaches. At least, that's what everyone thinks at the time. So during the athletic banquet at the end of each season, people will often spend more time applauding this beloved individual than they do the young players on the team. Even if those players just broke six individual records. Parents will send "thank you" cards and gifts by the dozen to this coach. Particularly if he or she's also charming, humble, and from the same hometown. They'll talk constantly for weeks and even months about how happy they are that this particular coach came into their child's life. How this person changed everything. Built confidence. Gave a sense of accomplishment. …

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