How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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An empowered approach with personality disordered co-workers

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Editor's note: The following article was posted in our Forum by the Lovefraud reader "Bluemosaic." It is such a helpful and insightful article that I want everyone to see it, so I am elevating it to a blog post as well. I have experienced longterm bullying and toxic behavior from a co-worker. I have recently given my two weeks notice to my employer and the peaceful road ahead is in sight. I am going to give a little background, for readers to better understand the vantage point from which I speak. I will begin with a couple quotes: "Always speak your truth, even when your voice shakes." Eleanor Roosevelt "In a time of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." George Orwell, 1 …

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Think of sociopaths as aliens — it may help you understand them

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Perhaps the hardest thing to comprehend, and accept, about sociopaths is just how different they are from the rest of us. I've spoken to hundreds of people who have tangled with sociopaths. Even when the mask has not only slipped, but shattered, even when they know the truth about what the sociopath has been doing all along, they still ask, "But how could he do it?" "He kept telling me how much he loved me; how could he cheat like that?" "He said we were soul mates; how can he just up and leave?" "How can he be so cold and calculating?" "How can he look me right in the eye and lie?" (Substitute "she" for "he" as necessary.) Then, the people I talk to start making statements like the …

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To a sociopath, your pain and torment is their delight

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Amazon.com Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.) Chapter 52A:  The Tsunami Pounds Ashore My lawyer forwarded Paul’s official court documents to me, documents we needed to legalize our temporary financial agreement pending our divorce. I waited unt …

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When sociopaths use righteous indignation to exert control

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By Eleanor Cowan My husband liked to discuss discipline. The importance of it. The intrinsic value of restraining one’s impulses especially when such personal control would benefit the greater good of mankind. My two children and I’d eat dinner while listening to his serious value-driven talks about what would please God and advance the salvation of this sorry world. Sacrifice and service topped the list. Politeness and containment followed. It’s very hard to look back at those years of my disassociation – to calculate the degree of blindness and emotional paralysis that, unresolved, characterized my life since childhood in my first abusive family. I considered my husband to be a religio …

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Did football star and murderer Aaron Hernandez have a personality disorder or a brain injury?

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In 2013, Aaron Hernandez, the former standout tight end for the New England Patriots football team, was charged with murdering his friend. Hernandez had a history of violence and infractions with the law, so his behavior appeared to be that of a typical psychopath. For this reason, Lovefraud covered the story: Aaron Hernandez charged with murder; his cousin charged with contempt, on Lovefraud.com. Hernandez was found guilty of the murder on April 15, 2015 and sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. Two years later, at the age of 27, he hanged himself in prison. An examination of Hernandez' brain found that he suffered from CTE — chronic traumatic encephalopathy. It' …

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How being devastated by the sociopath helped me find love

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In the course of our two-and-a-half-year relationship, my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six women, had a child with one of the women, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy. Once I learned the truth about his behavior, and realized the depth of his deception, I was totally, completely, crushed. But if I hadn't been shattered by the sociopath, I would not have been able to love as I do now. Is your reaction, "huh?" Let me repeat. It was my experience with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, that actually enabled me to find the love I always …

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Childhood experiences – including abuse – can alter your DNA

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Scientists once thought our genetic blueprint was carved in stone — whatever we inherited from our parents was with us for life. Research over the last few years, however, indicates that this is not the case. Genes can be modified by experience through processes referred to as "epigenetic." This is especially true during childhood. Recent research shows that childhood events, such as the family's socioeconomic status or the absence of a parent, can alter genes responsible for regulating inflammation. Experiences in childhood can alter your DNA for the rest of your life, on ScienceAlert.com. This study dovetails with earlier research showing that child abuse also affects DNA. According to …

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5 steps to recovery from the sociopath (they’re not fast or easy, but the healing is real)

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Finally, you realize what is wrong with your romantic partner: He or she is a sociopath. Finally, the behavior that was so confusing makes sense. The person you loved, and who you thought loved you, has a personality disorder. Now you realize that anything your partner told you could have been a lie. Now you know why your partner could be so cruel, then tell you how much he or she loved you, practically in the same breath. Now you realize that there never was any love, that your entire relationship was exploitation, and nothing more. Now what do you do? How do you move forward? How do you recover? Many of your friends and family tell you, "Just put it behind you. Get over it. Move …

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Why I wrote, Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood

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Many of you know me from my book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath:  How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned. Through writing the book and including chapters on Lovefraud, I’ve tried to share the insights I paid such a high price to obtain. For almost twenty years, I was married to someone I now believe is a sociopath. My corrosive, confusing marriage, the toxic divorce, and the ongoing, financially and emotionally punitive post-divorce aftershocks redefined my life in ways I never imagined. I had to understand how my life got so derailed, how my confidence was decimated, and how my identity was almost destroyed. Through my book, I wanted to share what I’d learned in case it …

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My experience with my narc ex boyfriend

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Left my ex since almost 4 years now, the hell I went through with him, it's a miracle I'm still here. Even though I've left he still pops up here and there doing the hoovering manuever, which is well known for borderline narcs. He would use the silent treatment on me and it drove me crazy as at that time. I had no idea about the narcissistic personality disorder one can have. I was pregnant with his child, I left my country to live with him in his country. He promised he love and all the wonderful things in life and always used to coo about how he would like to see me pregnant with a baby bump and all, so when it finally happened he blackmailed me into getting an abortion. He literally …

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