How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for 2024

Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memories

//  by //  1 Comment

UPDATED FOR 2024. I spent three Christmases with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Every one of them was stressful, unhappy, worrisome and bereft of joyful holiday spirit. Now, however, I've recovered, and my Christmases are happy and loving. You, too, can recover. I promise.Here are my stories of Christmas Past:Christmas 1996We had known each other for five months. We'd already had a secret wedding in Australia with his friends and family. For friends and family in New Jersey, we were planning another wedding in January, complete with bridesmaids, a fancy reception for 60 guests and a six-piece band. Montgomery had already blown through $50,000 of my money and credit, and I did …

Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memoriesRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Listen to your inner voice

//  by //  88 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader. She learned the hard way how important it is to listen to your inner voice.When I met my husband, 14 years ago, I owned my own home, had two children, a great job and life was great. I wasn't looking for a relationship, however, he would not take no for an answer until I went out with him (1st red flag). He presented himself as financially secure, a family man with a daughter, and who told me family is everything . He was very charming and giving to my children and I.After 5 months of dating, he started telling me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. I said that I wasn't ready to jump into marriage …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Listen to your inner voiceRead More

3 steps to prevent a sociopath from taking advantage of your vulnerabilities

//  by //  11 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. "Is it really a vulnerability to respond to somebody (apparently) liking and desiring you? Is that not just a basic human need that we all want to have fulfilled?" The Lovefraud reader Dorabella asked these questions on a story that I posted previously, The sociopath as your soul mate. They are great questions. The answers are: Yes, it's a vulnerability to respond to someone desiring you, and yes, it's a basic human need. So although these are vulnerabilities, they are also normal human qualities. To be human is to have vulnerabilities. A vulnerability is a weak point, and whenever we want something, that creates a weak point. Most of us want a romantic relationships, so if …

3 steps to prevent a sociopath from taking advantage of your vulnerabilitiesRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My biggest regret is that my girls were forced to do what I decided

//  by //  13 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as “Missymooz” sent the following e-mail. She describes her biggest regret with a man whom she now realizes is a sociopath.I also was married to a sociopath!! For 15 years!!!! We had 4 children together, bought homes together etc., etc. I just left (for the third time) 2 months ago. I would like to tell my story, just in case it may help someone else out there. I feel very stupid to have stayed for so long. But here goes:I met him briefly when I was only 16, but we both went our separate ways. I married another guy when I was 19. This marriage dissolved when I was 25, and guess who was there to lick my wounds??? It all see …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My biggest regret is that my girls were forced to do what I decidedRead More

Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths

//  by //  14 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. Yes, you can avoid letting a sociopath into your life. All you have to do is listen to your intuition. Security expert Gavin deBecker, who wrote The Gift of Fear, explains that intuition evolved within us over the millennia for one reason: To protect us from predators. Sociopaths are predators, and our intuition will warn us about them. The key is to pay attention. Sometimes the warning is blatant — one woman told me about feeling instantly terrified when a man approached her. But instead of heeding her internal warning, she berated herself for being judgmental — after all, the man had done nothing to her. She talked to him; they became romantically involved; he was, in f …

Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopathsRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is not Prince Charming; you are not Snow White

//  by //  116 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader, who posts as "Snow White," previously wrote an article called "The heart thief." Here's what she says about your sociopathic partner — no matter how much you want to believe, he is not Prince Charming.Fairy tales — the fantasy of every girl. A story of fantastic forces and beings. A tale of improbable events that will lead to a happy ending. Or perhaps — a more sinister story designed to mislead. Any woman would have to agree that when someone comes along who is completely and totally smitten with you, showers you with affection and attention like you've never experienced in all your life, you start to think that maybe this is the perso …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is not Prince Charming; you are not Snow WhiteRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The heart thief

//  by //  286 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following essay from a reader whom we'll call "SnowWhite" describing the heart thief she encountered.He is clever and cunning. He has many talents. He sees you before you see him. It may be something you are wearing that attracts him. Maybe it's your laugh or your spirit. You are vulnerable. He knows it. You are trustworthy and caring. He knows it. You have only been with two men your whole life. He knows it. You are lonely. He knows it. You have been married for 25 years. He doesn't care.He is a carpenter. He builds your trust and friendship. You see him weekly in your workout class. One day he smiles at you. The next day he says …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The heart thiefRead More

A sociopath explains how she loves

//  by //  4 Comments

UPDATED FOR 2024. If you're like most Lovefraud readers, you're here because you were romantically involved with a sociopath. This person probably declared love for you repeatedly, exuberantly and convincingly. Then the individual lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, abused you and perhaps even threatened you.You were left stunned, distraught and devastated. How could someone who loved you treat you so badly?A letter Lovefraud received from a self-identified sociopath explains how she loves. It might help you understand why that person's love was so shallow:I have read several articles on your site out of curiosity and boredom over the past few weeks, and I agree with almost all of …

A sociopath explains how she lovesRead More

He used me from the start

//  by //  Leave a Comment

Editor’s note: A young woman from India recounts her experience with a man whom she now knows is a sociopath. She says, “He used me from the start.”I found out about his disorder just a few days back. I was looking for answers, trying to understand this disorder better and also make sense of what happened to me and that is how I found Lovefraud.com.I met him in 2019, almost 5 years ago and was in a relationship with him since then till about a few days ago when I found out about him. He manipulated and lied to me the whole time. I would have never found out about his disorder had the other woman who he was cheating me with, magically I would say, by the Almighty's grace somehow managed to con …

He used me from the startRead More

After the sociopath, proud of my healing

//  by //  1 Comment

It was a weeknight in 1996. My talented teenage daughter sat at the kitchen table, dutifully doing homework important to her. Meanwhile, at 48 years old, I was behind my closed bedroom door, on my bed, chain-smoking and weeping on the phone to friends who generously gave me their time."How can this be?" I lamented. "Last week, I felt so loved, like everything was falling into place. And now, with a few snide remarks about my ‘failure to comprehend basic math’ and other cruel criticisms, here I am again. How can this be?" I swallowed another TUMS tablet, trying to ease the acidic ache in my stomach.For two long pre-Lovefraud.com, pre-YouTube years, friends gave me their time, listening to my a …

After the sociopath, proud of my healingRead More