How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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3 reasons why you encounter a sociopath later in life

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Perhaps you’re in your 40s, 50s or 60s — and you have just come to the shocking realization that you have a sociopath in your life. Maybe even multiple sociopaths. So you wonder — why did you encounter a sociopath later in life? I have three answers for this question. One is about awareness, another is about life stages and the last is about healing purpose. Awareness of sociopaths I am willing to bet that sociopaths were always in your life — you just didn’t know it.  By sociopaths, I mean people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorder. (The original definition of “sociopath” was “anything deviated or …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Email to self – do not go back to the disordered partner!

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as “Duped no more!" She wanted to remind herself why she should not go back to the disordered partner {A brief definition of my breaking NC, after almost 9 months, and a brief explanation of the experience and what I would say if I had to explain it to someone else. I had to send it to myself because there is nobody else but you who would understand} "I went back for you, with my heart in my hand and you just devoured it with no care nor consceince." Nothing has changed; don't listen no more; don't go back! This is it. I have seen and heard what I needed to and now it's time to move forward once a …

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Why do sociopaths intentionally provoke you?

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Your sociopathic partner picks, picks, picks at you. “You’re a lousy mother and the kids hate you,” he says. “You’re so stupid that you’re lucky you don’t get fired,” she says. The nasty comments keep coming. You’re upset but try not to say anything — until you can’t contain your emotions anymore and you explode. Then the sociopath smiles.  Why do sociopaths intentionally provoke you? The key to understanding this behavior is knowing what sociopaths truly want in life — power and control. Everything else is secondary. Social motivation Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and Lovefraud author, believes that the sociopath’s out-of-control drive for dominance is the motivating forc …

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Listen to Donna Andersen on KSCO radio

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What is a sociopath? What are the warning signs? How can you avoid them? I talked about all things sociopath on The Nighthawk Resurrected radio show on KSCO AM 1080 in Santa Cruz, California. The hosts, Ginni and Kelly Powers, asked lots of great questions about Lovefraud, sociopaths, and how they impact society. It was a long interview on March 25, 2025, and as usual, I had plenty to say. You can listen here: Donna Andersen interview on KSCO AM 1080 …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A thank you note to my sociopath

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Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader "Adelle." It's a thank you note to the sociopath who targeted her. You'll see why.  To the sociopath: I just want to thank you for all the things you do that keep me away from you! Had you not done those things or continue to do them, I may have thought you'd changed. You know we here at Lovefraud sometimes give you sociopaths too much credit! You guys are not as bright and slick as we think you are. You keep doing the things that confirm who and what you are. If you would just walk away, respect and accept the fact that you have been dumped, maybe you could fool us again into thinking you have an ounce of dignity. …

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Red Flags of Love Fraud #2: Sudden soul mates

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When sociopaths target you for romantic exploitation, it seems that their favorite term of endearment is "soul mate." That’s why “Sudden soul mates” is the second warning sign in my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath. When they’ve set their eyes on you, sociopaths gush about finding the man or woman of their dreams, the person they've wanted all their lives. They liberally talk about destiny, how the relationship was meant to be. If you, the target, are religious, sociopaths smoothly proclaim that God has brought you together.  My book is based upon the 1,352 responses that I received for my Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey. Asked to describe the so …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We met at church – I thought he was a decent man

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as "Radar_On" sent the following letter about a man she met at church and married. She thought he was a decent man. How does one begin to tell the tale of the masquerade and the swath of destruction at the hands of liars, narcissists, sociopaths, and so on? The psychological, emotional, mental damage that has been inflicted upon us is too much for the "normal" person to comprehend. Unless someone has been through, and survived living through situations like this, average people just can't understand, or relate! I am a 52yr. old woman that has been through much in my life. This current situation is my 3rd. marriage. My first ex husband (my …

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Intuition and the purpose of the sociopath

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When I realized that the man I married was a sociopath, and our entire marriage was a scam, I was shocked. I didn’t deserve it. I was a good and honest person. Why did this happen to me? Today I’m going to propose that there may be an unexpected answer to the question. I’m going to talk about intuition and the purpose of the sociopath. Here’s my proposition, which you may find surprising at first, but stick with me: Our awful entanglements with sociopaths often have a larger purpose, and that’s our personal spiritual growth. This is an extremely difficult concept, especially when we believe in a benevolent God, universe, or higher power—whatever term you want to use—who only wants the b …

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We’re divorced, have no kids — so why is my ex driving slowly by my house?

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There is no such thing as an amicable divorce with a sociopath. They try to ruin you financially. They smear you to everyone who knows you. This is what a Lovefraud reader experienced. So she sent me an email and asked, “Why is my ex driving slowly by my house?” Here’s the full email, from the reader whom we’ll call Cecilia25: I had emailed you about a year and a half ago. I explained to you that my husband had a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde personality. He would disappear for hours sometimes days and would not answer calls or texts. He gave me the silent treatment and was a pathological liar. He had beaten down my self esteem. You told me that was typical sociopathic behavior. You told me …

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My heart felt full in Italy: A sign of recovery

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I just spent two and a half wonderful weeks in Italy with my husband, Terry Kelly. We gave ourselves the trip for our 20th wedding anniversary. It was the trip of a lifetime, and multiple times in the first few days I said to Terry, “I can’t believe we’re here.”  The art was astonishing, the food was delicious, and the people were warm and friendly. The entire time, my heart felt full. It was a feeling that I hope all Lovefraud readers can experience, even after a run-in with a sociopath. Rome, Naples and Sicily We spent five days in Rome, five days in Naples and five days in Acireale, Sicily.  In Rome we saw the major sites — the Colosseum, Vatican Museum, Sistin …

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