By July 27, 2017 4 Comments Read More →

A sociopath’s capacity for deception and betrayal is almost unfathomable

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.

Chapter 50A: Oh My GOD! 

On my lawyer’s advice, I called all the locksmiths in the area, and they agreed to refuse Paul entry to the house without my consent. Fortunately, the threat of me moving out with the kids and incurring the rent of an additional apartment big enough for two kids, two dogs, and me had worked. Paul never moved back into the house.

At one of my early meetings with my divorce lawyer, she handed me a standard form and told me I needed to document all of our financial assets to prepare for the separation and the divorce. In addition, I would need to show how much my life with the children cost. I was not working, so this would be used to determine financial support from Paul during our separation as well as during the legally mandated divorce mediation. I did not have any electronic or paper copies of credit card statements for the past several years, but I recalled a year-end summary we had received for a prior year. I had never reviewed it, but I had filed it away.

Line by line, I poured through the annual summary from two years earlier, categorizing each item on a spreadsheet I had created with line items like, “food at home,” “food at restaurants,” “education expenses for the kids,” “Jessica’s lacrosse,” “Daniel’s karate,” and so on. As I looked at each expenditure, a memory of the event flashed to mind. I looked at many of them so differently now that I knew my life at the time had been a sham. The expense for an evening with Paul at a dinner theater in New Haven now had a completely different hue. Should I put it under “food at restaurants” or “Onna gets set up?” Tough call.

When I got to the section labeled “entertainment,” I was shocked by how large the total was for the year. How could we have spent that much money on entertainment—ever? My eyes widened as I looked at expense after expense for $1,000, $750, $2,200, totaling over $6,000 for a two-day period from a place I had never heard of. I did a web search for the name on the page. As the website materialized on my computer, my heart sank. It was a high-end “gentlemen’s club” in Chicago. Repelled and shocked, I dug through the website. To end up with bills that large, Paul was paying for “private sessions.” Feeling sick, I checked our bank statements. Significant cash withdrawals from ATMs in Chicago coincided with the same time period. I scanned down the page. There were other clusters of such expenses a month later, and then two months later. The bills were enormous.

The dates were familiar. I flipped through my old calendars to find the date of the surgery that I had to keep rescheduling, and which Paul could not attend due to a “critical client situation.” It overlapped perfectly with the obscene spending sprees on strippers. Nausea rose in me. I fought it back. Instead of attending to his wife while she was having surgery, he had been pawing and probably screwing a stripper, maybe multiple strippers. Fueled by adrenaline, I kept going.

Under the “travel” section of the credit card were hotel bills—bills for a hotel one town away from our home in Connecticut. They appeared religiously for five months almost exactly one month apart. What else could it be but evidence of an affair? I kept looking. A $600 expenditure in the “services” section of the credit card summary popped up. It was a name I did not recognize, accompanied by a telephone number. A few strokes of my keyboard later, a website for a Chicago escort service appeared on my screen. Incredulous, I rechecked the name on the credit card statement and rechecked the phone number. It was no mistake. Everything matched. Paul had hired a prostitute.


Start from the beginning:

Chapter 1

Go to previous chapter:

Chapter 49B


Identifying names, places, events, characteristics, etc. that I discuss here and in my book have been altered to protect the identity of everyone involved.

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It’s a shock & a nightmare to finally unraveling all their lies & deception (well most of them anyways, we will never know the full truth of their deception). You feel like your mind is going to explode when the reality sets in & you see the truth.

Just weeks before I finally left my ex, I too read his credit card bill and there was a charge of over $2000 at a out of town restaurant/bar where he was on “business”. I was so mentally & emotionally exhausted at the time, that I did not factor in what kind of “bar” it was. I was livid, as he was telling me that we needed to “save money” and yet I was the one not spending the money (gas lighting). I was not computer savvy at the time to do the research like you did O. Glad you did.

I was also wondering while reading the bill…“how the hell do you spend $2000 at a bar”. I’m not a drinker, so In my mind I was thinking he bought drinks basically for the whole bar. Well, we all know that it was not a normal restaurant but a Strip club.

Months before this in my gut I knew he was cheating again and because of this I was avoiding sex with him as much as I could and made him buy condoms & went off the pill to avoid sex. I wanted out. My mind was waking up to reality & I finally packed the car up & drove 3000 miles away. I learned part of the truth after leaving him…he was cheating with 3 women in two different states maybe 5 women, all while going to strip clubs and then coming home. How the hell do they have all the energy?!?!

Makes me sick that I stayed for sooooo long (12 years of marriage plus more dating years with him) while seeing his lies from day one but not being able to find the door out of the abusive relationship because of all the gas lighting & mind games he played on me & others. I feel sorry for all of his current victims, they are in for a rude awakening when they finally break free from his mind control.

I think the saddest part when you finally leave them is family & friends just dont get the whole nightmare & mental, emotional & physical exhaustion that you endure when you finally crawl out of hell. They just keep going in life & tell you to do the same which we all know is not possible when you first escape hell.

O, your story is very similar to mine. Thank you O for posting this weeks chapter. It’s sad to read but also very enlightening to see the truth in words.


The female spath nutcase neighbor pretended concern for my 2 closest neighbors. Big con artist.


Unbelievable what these guys do. Im sorry this happend to you, Im sorry it happend to me. Again, wow, wow, fucking wow!

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