Sooner or later, those of us who are romantically involved, or have been romantically involved, with sociopaths and other exploiters recognize that the relationship is bad for us and must end. Although we know this intellectually, often we still feel incredible attraction, even love, for the individual. How do we break the emotional attachment? For example, Lovefraud recently received the following letter: I am single, and I think I was with someone very narcissistic, if not outright sociopathic. The thing is, even though I am no longer with him (and he did not get to my finances), he broke my heart. My question is, how do you get over him? I have tried to date others, but no man has …
Sex in the Love Fraud book
Yes, I will admit, my book, Love Fraud, does include some sex scenes. A few readers have expressed surprise that I am willing to share that aspect of my story. But the book is about my search for love and marriage, and sex is a natural part of love and marriage. The scenes are handled tastefully. They're not as racy as erotica—heck, they're not even as racy as romance novels, with those silly little euphemisms, always preceded by three long, hot, trembling adjectives. But sex did happen, and I did include it, for two important reasons. Unhealthy sex The first reason is to illustrate unhealthy sex—the kind of sex engaged in by sociopaths. I was clueless about sociopaths when I first met my …
BOOK REVIEW: The Gaslight Effect Redux
It's amazing how people can have differing opinions of the same book. Last May, the Lovefraud Reader Ox Drover wrote a review of The Gaslight Effect, by Dr. Robin Stern. I am always on the lookout for books that will help readers understand, and recover from, a traumatic entanglement with a sociopath. Because Oxy was so complimentary about The Gaslight Effect, I was anxious to read it, and possibly recommend it to others. Well, I read the book, but I'm not sure I can recommend it. Oxy did point out that Dr. Stern never mentions the word, “sociopath,” referring to the perpetrator as the “gaslighter,” and the victim as the “gaslightee.” Although Oxy was willing to look past this omission, …
Private behavior and the public good
The connection between love and politics—that was the topic of commentary in yesterday's paper written by Gregory Rodriguez, a columnist for the Los Angeles Times. The article, Love and politics in a cynical age, got me thinking about the consistency of behavior. Rodriguez summarized how Americans have come to view the private lives and public lives of the people we elect to represent us. He wrote: The truth is that we don't generally associate politics or politicians with happy marriages and deep romance, let alone fidelity. The constant revelation of scandals and peccadilloes in the halls of power have trained us to expect the worst of those—particularly the men—we elect to shepherd and …
Genetic mutation plus alcohol leads to violence
A study of criminal offenders in Finland found a certain genetic mutation and alcohol consumption was associated with impulsive violence. Read Genetic mutation may lead to violent and reckless behavior on ABCNews.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
Background checks for online daters
When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness. Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com. …
Dipping a toe in the dating pool
Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who writes as “Glinda” sent the following letter. I'll provide my thoughts at the end of her letter. “NEVER Dating Again” Punishment or Prudence? I have most of my life back in order, post sociopath. Work is good; I have friends; I have hobbies; and my kids are well cared for and seem to be well-adjusted to our family routine. I also don't worry and think about getting asked out much. I'm pretty sure I put a “nuh uh” sign out, in neon. I haven't had any interest in dating—in fact, I've sworn off relationships in general. I'm not lonely. I've filled my life and don't feel empty or sad. I have a terrible track record in picking men”¦and a worse record …
Why the Michael Vick story is important
The sportswriters have run out of adjectives. They can't find superlatives big enough to describe yesterday's incredible, improbable, amazing victory of the Philadelphia Eagles football team over their archrivals, the New York Giants. The Eagles were losing 31-10 with only 8:09 left in the game. They scored 28 points—four touchdowns—to win. The Eagles were powered, almost single-handedly, by quarterback Michael Vick. This is the same Michael Vick who, in 2007, was convicted running a dog-fighting ring and served 18 months in prison. I've been writing about Michael Vick since the Eagles hired him for the team in August 2009, a move that outraged thousands of fans, myself included. After …
How American child rearing practices lead to ADHD and bullying
More and more children are being diagnosed with disorders such as ADHD and autism. Dr. Gabor Maté of Canada says that the root cause is that the nurturing environment necessary for proper child development has collapsed in America, leading to children who are emotionally detached and have difficulty controlling their impulses. This 60-minute interview is fascinating—be sure to watch it all. Or, to save time, just scroll down below the video options to read the transcript. (Thanks to Skylar for the suggestion.) Dr. Gabor Maté on ADHD, bullying and the destruction of American childhood, on DemocracyNow.org. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
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A guy who can’t take ‘no’ for an answer
Woman meets guy online. Woman decides guy is not for her. Guy doesn't want to hear it. Guy wants wants to meet her RIGHT NOW to hug her neck. Woman doesn't respond. Guy promises the greatest love ever. Woman tells guy to STOP. Guy ramps up the attention. Read the entire audacious interaction, complete with the guy saying it was all a joke, at womenexplode.com. …