The question was, “When can you trust your man?” A reporter who was writing an article on the topic for a major women's magazine asked the question. It showed up in my e-mail because I subscribe to a service that distributes questions from reporters to experts all around the world who may be able to answer them. I knew what the reporter was looking for. She wanted succinct little tips like: “You can trust your man if he always shows up when he says he will, or at least calls to tell you he'll be late.” “You can trust your man if he introduces you to his mother.” “You can trust your man if he shows you his income tax return.” But, after being married to a sociopath, and hearin …
Sociopaths and credit cards
Sociopaths love credit cards—especially when they are in someone else's name. Lovefraud recently received an e-mail from a woman whose daughter is married to a sociopath. “How do they do it?” she asked. “How do they get you to put credit cards in your name that they will use?” Our daughter has now procured a card, ugh, (only found out since the billing came here) and I know this is for HIS use and he will be the one using it, burying her in debt that she will never get out of and do you think for a minute HE will pay this debt?? Ha! He does NOT have credit cards (I often wonder why)? Refuses to get one, why? But it's okay to use hers?? I can relate to this experience, because it happened t …
How the pain of abuse lasts a lifetime
A few days ago, Bill Zeller, a 27-year-old graduate student at Princeton University, died. The cause: suicide. The reason: He was tormented due to being repeatedly raped as a child. Zeller left a 4,000-word suicide note that eloquently explained the effect that the devastation had on his life. There is a link to it in this article: Princeton student kills self over rape as child, on CBSNews.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: If you have read my book, please post a review
A sociopath ripped through my life, taking my money, cheating on me, shaking my soul to its core. It was a terrible, painful, humiliating experience. But it has also given me a new mission in life—spreading the word about these human predators, helping others to heal, or better yet, avoid them. That's why I launched Lovefraud.com. And that's why I wrote my book, Love Fraud — How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. My husband, Terry Kelly, believes in this mission. Together, we formed a publishing company, called Anderly Publishing, to get the message out. Love Fraud is our first book, and based on what I hear from all of you, I have a list of about 20 more titles that n …
LOVEFRAUD TO THE NEXT LEVEL: If you have read my book, please post a reviewRead More
Getting over that amazing ‘chemistry’
Sooner or later, those of us who are romantically involved, or have been romantically involved, with sociopaths and other exploiters recognize that the relationship is bad for us and must end. Although we know this intellectually, often we still feel incredible attraction, even love, for the individual. How do we break the emotional attachment? For example, Lovefraud recently received the following letter: I am single, and I think I was with someone very narcissistic, if not outright sociopathic. The thing is, even though I am no longer with him (and he did not get to my finances), he broke my heart. My question is, how do you get over him? I have tried to date others, but no man has …
Sex in the Love Fraud book
Yes, I will admit, my book, Love Fraud, does include some sex scenes. A few readers have expressed surprise that I am willing to share that aspect of my story. But the book is about my search for love and marriage, and sex is a natural part of love and marriage. The scenes are handled tastefully. They're not as racy as erotica—heck, they're not even as racy as romance novels, with those silly little euphemisms, always preceded by three long, hot, trembling adjectives. But sex did happen, and I did include it, for two important reasons. Unhealthy sex The first reason is to illustrate unhealthy sex—the kind of sex engaged in by sociopaths. I was clueless about sociopaths when I first met my …
BOOK REVIEW: The Gaslight Effect Redux
It's amazing how people can have differing opinions of the same book. Last May, the Lovefraud Reader Ox Drover wrote a review of The Gaslight Effect, by Dr. Robin Stern. I am always on the lookout for books that will help readers understand, and recover from, a traumatic entanglement with a sociopath. Because Oxy was so complimentary about The Gaslight Effect, I was anxious to read it, and possibly recommend it to others. Well, I read the book, but I'm not sure I can recommend it. Oxy did point out that Dr. Stern never mentions the word, “sociopath,” referring to the perpetrator as the “gaslighter,” and the victim as the “gaslightee.” Although Oxy was willing to look past this omission, …
Private behavior and the public good
The connection between love and politics—that was the topic of commentary in yesterday's paper written by Gregory Rodriguez, a columnist for the Los Angeles Times. The article, Love and politics in a cynical age, got me thinking about the consistency of behavior. Rodriguez summarized how Americans have come to view the private lives and public lives of the people we elect to represent us. He wrote: The truth is that we don't generally associate politics or politicians with happy marriages and deep romance, let alone fidelity. The constant revelation of scandals and peccadilloes in the halls of power have trained us to expect the worst of those—particularly the men—we elect to shepherd and …
Genetic mutation plus alcohol leads to violence
A study of criminal offenders in Finland found a certain genetic mutation and alcohol consumption was associated with impulsive violence. Read Genetic mutation may lead to violent and reckless behavior on ABCNews.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
Background checks for online daters
When looking for love, 20 million Americans look on Internet dating sites. Now, companies offer quick and easy background checks, although some experts worry about their effectiveness. Read New online-date detectives can unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong, on NYTimes.com. …