Editor's note: This is a more complete explanation of a proposal I made a few weeks ago. How do you avoid a social predator? First, you have to know that they exist. I didn't know they existed. So when a charming, charismatic and supremely confident man swept into my life, I didn't know that charm, charisma and overconfidence were red flags that he might be a predator. And he was. This man took a quarter-million dollars from me, cheated with at least six women during our 2.5-year marriage, had a child with one of the women, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy. “He might be a sociopath,” my therapist …
Debating empathy and evil
A Cambridge professor, Simon Baron-Cohen, has written Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty. In this review, the author explains the professor's ideas. Read Why a lack of empathy is the root of all evil, on Independent.co.uk. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Letters to God, by Jane Pinney
Is the guy trying to pick you up really a soldier?
Cases of wannabes pretending to be military heroes are rampant. This article offers some tips on spotting if the soldier is really a fake. Be sure to read the comments for additional perspective. An officer, gentleman and a total fake!!! on MyWingmanDiana.Military.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. Here's more info on Lovefraud.com: Is he or she military? …
Pain connections, emotional and physical
New research shows that emotional and physical pain draw responses from the same regions of the brain. Read To the brain, getting burned, getting dumped feel the same, on CNN.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Sociopaths change our beliefs about being human
Lovefraud received the following e-mail recently from a reader, who we'll call “Iris.” She was married for 20 years to a man who she now realizes is a sociopath. I avoid talking to my ex-husband as much as possible, but he is 4 months behind on court ordered spousal support as I am in school getting my business degree and working. He has to pay $600 a month for 3 years. The court also ordered the support to pay me back for $11,000 I had to put into our house and property to make it "sellable" after he left me in the dust and moved to another state. He left me with 5 acres, a house falling apart, a barn with code violations, and our 3 family dogs. I went into survival mode and got it all …
What was your turning point?
Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman whose daughter is caught in the web of a sociopath. The woman and her husband are not enabling the relationship—the sociopath, of course, wants money. They are hoping and praying that their daughter will escape. Here is her question to other Lovefaud readers: What was the "turning point," "awakening moment," "realization point," that woke them up OUT of the fog, the gaslighting, etc., and what made them realize they needed to RUN, to get away from their sociopaths? What finally "did it," what finally "broke the camel's back?" Where they realized what was happening to them, had been done to them, when they finally realized things were …
Clueless experts lump personality disorders together
The BBC recently wrote that people need to be more aware of personality disorders, including antisocial personality disorder so far, so good. Then the article stated that most people with personality disorders do not commit offenses, and says: Experts are now trying to train those who are most likely to come into contact with a personality disorder how to recognise the condition to make the situation easier to manage. This is crucial because the way in which staff interact with someone who has a personality disorder can affect the patient's condition. Sigh. This education process is going to be long and hard. Read Personality disorders are 'widespread,' say experts, on …
Clueless experts lump personality disorders togetherRead More
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Why sociopaths sometimes kill themselves
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. She has also created a wonderful animation that describes the antics of a sociopath, called Exposing the Mask of Insanity. View the animation here. The sociopath's unconscious death wish By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide I recently received an email from one of my readers saying that her husband and mother, who are both sociopaths, had suicide clauses in their wills, so I decided to write …
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Why sociopaths sometimes kill themselvesRead More
A spath behind every bush
I wrote an article not long ago about settling on a name for the personality disorder that we spend our time here talking about. I suggested using "sociopath" as a general term for exploitative people. Many of us have taken to shortening this term to "spath." Well, a Lovefraud reader "Justdreamin" informs us that "spath" is taken. She saw it on a flower pot, and sent us the photos. It turns out that "spath" is a shortened version of "spathiphyllum," which is the botanical name for the peace lilly, a common houseplant. We might have to come up with a new name. If I were a beautiful peace lily, I wouldn't want to share a name with the nasty predators. …