By Ox Drover One of the first things I learned in nursing school was to correctly diagnose the problem before trying to fix it. I wish I had applied this lesson to my own personal life as well as I applied it to my professional life. We were taught that when there was a perceived need, for example, when the patient was feeling short of breath, to assess why the patient might be feeling short of breath. Was the airway obstructed? If the airway was clear, then what was another likely cause of the problem? Sometimes a patient who is very anxious will feel very short of breath when they are actually getting plenty of oxygen, (as measured by a “pulse ox—”a little gismo that you clip on the pati …
Attracting a new relationship after the sociopath
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: I have a question for you. I've been divorced for 3 years now from my ex-husband who had a porn addiction. I've tried the Internet dating sites on and off since, and have had nothing but bad experiences. What do you suggest I do/ how do I go about finding someone? I am really lonely and would like to have a man in my life. However, I'm so afraid of attracting the wrong kind still. If you have any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them. If you've had a run-in with a sociopath, before attempting to date again, you must first heal yourself. If you're feeling lonely and afraid, it is an indication that you are not yet …
Psychopaths thrive amid confusion, inexperience and denial
Bernie Madoff swindled an estimated $50 billion from investors in his hedge fund, and in March 2009, pleaded guilty to securities fraud. He was sentenced to 150 years in jail. But if the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), which is charged with regulating the securities business, had been doing its job, Madoff could have been stopped years earlier. In a scathing report issued last week, the SEC's inspector general, H. David Kotz, summarized six substantial complaints that the agency received about Madoff dating back as far as 1992. The SEC conducted two investigations and three examinations into the complaints, and never identified Madoff's Ponzi scheme. The good news is that Kotz …
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Steve Becker addresses the question: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?
Lovefraud author Steve Becker, LCSW, was interviewed again on Internet radio. The program on Martha Trowbridge Radio is called Love's mirage: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life? In the interview, Steve gives a brief definition of narcissists, describing them as people who feel entitled to whatever they want. He discusses common myths about narcissists. Then he gets into the meat of the topic—are there any signs that indicate a relationship with a narcissist can be salvaged? You can listen to the interview by clicking the link below. To start the audio, click the arrow in the green bar under the headline: Steve Becker, LCSW: Love's Mirage: Is Your Narcissistic Husband Wasting …
Steve Becker addresses the question: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?Read More
Can Michael Vick change his behavior?
Nearly two weeks ago, watching the Philadelphia Eagles play the New England Patriots in a pre-season game, I heard TV commentators talking about the newest addition to the Eagles roster: dog-murderer Michael Vick. The news soon became official. The Philadelphia Eagles signed Michael Vick, the former star quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons who just completed a 23-month sentence for running a dog fighting ring. Vick spent 18 months in prison, then served the rest of his sentence in home confinement. Thousands of Eagles fans were outraged. “As a lifetime Philadelphia sports fan, I'm reeling from the Eagles' signing of Michael Vick, justifiably the most hated man in sports,” wrote Dan Bro …
True and pithy observations about narcissists
Editor's Note: Laughs in the e-mail today sent by a Lovefraud reader. Enjoy! Narcissist sayings about themselves: "A lie is as good as the truth if you can get someone to believe it.'" "I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me." About Narcissists: "He was the only man I ever knew that could strut while sitting down." "Every narcissist woman wants a man she can look down on." "There's nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won't aggravate." "She was truly a legend in her own mind" Things it is better NOT to say to a Narcissist: "I'd love to stay and listen to you talk about yourself, but I gotta run." "Before you begin, may I adjust your …
“Reverend” Tony Alamo, Pedophile and Conman, Finally Convicted for His Crimes
By Ox Drover My own personal opinion is that most humans, as a species, have a component that comprises “spirituality.” Evidence from some of the earlier cultures of our species when our ancestors were still living in caves indicate that these people had some idea that there were unseen gods or spirits in the heavens or in their worlds. I think for many of us our spirituality is also part of our healing path and helps us to set a moral compass to follow in our actions and thoughts. Most of the sacred writings of several belief systems I have read all indicate that kindness to others, charity, and doing good to your fellow man is primary to following that belief. Though history and ancient e …
“Reverend” Tony Alamo, Pedophile and Conman, Finally Convicted for His CrimesRead More
Joey Buttafuoco, his libel lawsuit, and the truth
Joey Buttafuoco and his attorney held a press conference last week to announce their intention to file a lawsuit against Mary Jo Buttafuoco. Mary Jo, of course, just came out with her book, Getting It Through My Thick Skull—Why I Stayed, What I Learned, and What Millions of People Involved with Sociopaths Need to Know. The first words in the book are, “Joey Buttafuoco is a sociopath.” Joey believes he has been defamed. If Joey proceeds with the lawsuit, he will probably claim libel. Libel is publishing an untruth about another person that harms the person, or harms his or her reputation. (Libel is the written or broadcast form of defamation. Slander is oral defamation.) Generally, two main …
BOOK REVIEW: Emotional Vampires
This book has an appealing title and an appealing theme—comparing people with personality disorders to vampires. But my opinion of Emotional Vampires—Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry, by Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D., is decidedly mixed. The book gives a brief overview of personality disorders in general, and then discusses five types of problem people—antisocial, histrionic, narcissistic, obsessive-compulsive and paranoid. The author provides checklists to help you identify the problem personalities, and tips on how to deal with them. Dr. Bernstein's writing style is breezy and entertaining, and he uses made-up anecdotes to illustrate his points. To be fair, it seems that the book is …
Catch and release
Recently Lovefraud heard from a woman whom we'll call Trina. Trina was involved with a sociopath for five years, who abandoned her eight months ago, after wrecking her financially and emotionally. Still, she continued to be in shock, denial and disbelief—until the guy sent her the following poem: Catch and Release Before I pull your hair and leave you for dead I will ravish you not physically, but with words sensuous and firm with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched to that intimate space between your ears. I will watch you wriggle with denial, claw with anger, bargain for release, splash like a drowning animal in h …