How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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With sociopaths, financial precautions don’t matter

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Lovefraud.com has posted a new case study: Pilot romances his co-worker, gets her to buy him a plane. Yes, it's true. Lance Larabee, who lives near Seattle, Washington, convinced Debbie White, who lives near Chicago, Illinois, to go into business with him. He had the idea; she had the money—her recent divorce settlement. All he needed was a plane, a boat, a conversion van and money to clear up some debts. The business never got off the ground. Five and a half years later, White learned that she had essentially bought Larabee toys—big, expensive toys that he apparently used to impress other women. Her money was gone, and she had nothing to show for it. In fact, she was more than $10 …

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Experts disagree on what’s wrong with O.J. Simpson

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Last Sunday, a few hours after I wrote on the Lovefraud Blog about how I recognized sociopathic traits in the behavior of O.J. Simpson, the former football star was arrested on charges of armed robbery in that Las Vegas hotel room. Television talking heads immediately ramped up their speculation on why he allegedly did it. Each expert seemed to have his or her own theory. Some experts had multiple theories. Let's take a look at some of them. CNN, Friday, September 14 Here's what transpired on CNN's Nancy Grace Show before Simpson was arrested. Jane Velez-Mitchell, an investigative reporter, said Simpson engaged in self-destructive behavior because he wanted to be caught. "Why …

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A close encounter with a sociopath changes everything

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O.J. Simpson is in the news again. On Friday, Las Vegas police named him as a suspect in an armed robbery. The fallen football star was allegedly part of a group of men who entered a hotel room and took sports memorabilia that once belonged to Simpson. The facts of the incident—including whether or not weapons were involved—are currently being investigated by the police. So here's Simpson's version of the story: He was running a sting operation to retrieve items that were stolen from him. He was in Las Vegas to attend a friend's wedding, and got some guys he met at a cocktail party to go with him to the hotel room. He says there was no gun and nobody got "roughed up." According to a vid …

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Psychopaths use our best qualities against us

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I am a person with a very strong sense of responsibility. If I make a commitment to do something, I honor my commitment. Generally, being responsible is considered a positive quality. But it is the quality that made me stay with my psychopathic ex-husband far longer than I should have. I knew he was taking money from me. I knew he was lying to me (although I vastly underestimated the extent of his deception). I didn't love him anymore. So why did I stay? I had married him, and to me, marriage was a commitment. I've written before about how psychopaths find our weaknesses and exploit them. The scary truth is that they also exploit our strengths. Nurturing qualities It takes a special …

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What is a sociopath feeling?

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Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader: "I am trying to understand what the sociopath is feeling. Do they feel love? Do they love? What hurts a sociopath? How can you communicate with a sociopath?" The problem in dealing with a sociopath, or psychopath, is that they are fundamentally different from the rest of us. The extent of their difference is truly difficult to comprehend—until you've had a close encounter with one of them. Let's look at these questions individually. Do they feel love? The short answer is no. In order to feel love, a person must be able to feel empathy. Sociopaths do not feel empathy for other people. Those of us who are c …

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Sociopaths, at first, don’t act like jerks

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When I first met my ex-husband, James Montgomery, whom I now believe is a sociopath, he treated me like gold. His attentiveness started with our initial e-mail correspondence. Yes, we met via the Internet, but he lived nearby—I wasn't worried about the pitfalls of a long-distance relationship. During our three weeks of preliminary correspondence—his notes were clever and well-written—he made it clear that he was interested in me. When we did meet, Montgomery was attentive, charming and entertaining. He asked questions and listened to my answers. He was quick to pay me compliments. Yes, he talked about himself a lot, but he was intelligent and intriguing, so I didn't mind—I felt like I was g …

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The right question in Newark killings: Is he a psychopath?

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Three college students were brutally murdered, and a fourth left for dead, in Newark, New Jersey on August 4. The three students were forced to kneel in front of a brick wall in a school playground, then shot, execution-style, in the back of the head. The three young victims, Terrance Aeriel, 18; Iofemi Hightower, 20; and Dashon Harvey, 20; as well as the lone survivor, Natasha Aeriel, 19; were universally described as "good kids." None had police records. Terrance Aeriel was an ordained minister. New Jersey news commentator Steve Adubato wrote about Terrance in his column today. Adubato personally knew the young man. Adubato is a mentor in a program called "Stand and Deliver: …

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GPS tracking of sex offenders and batterers

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Last week, the state of New Jersey established a permanent program to monitor convicted sex offenders with GPS (global positioning system) technology. For the past two years, New Jersey has had a pilot program in which 156 "high-risk" sex offenders were tracked with GPS devices. The program was set to expire, but the legislators passed a law, which the governor signed, to make it permanent. In a previous post, Sexually violent predators, Lovefraud noted that sex offenders who are diagnosed as psychopaths are likely to offend again. One study found that within six years of release from prison, 80% of psychopathic sex offenders committed additional offenses, compared to only 20% of …

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7 points to remember about dating and predators

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As human beings, we all want love and companionship in our lives. It's a basic human need, right up there with the needs for food, water and shelter. When we are lacking an intimate relationship, most of us try to fill the empty space. That leads to dating. Here is what you need to know about dating and predators. 1. Evil exists. What the evil is called—psychopath, sociopath, antisocial personality disorder, narcissist—really doesn't matter. There are evil people out there, and they can be found in all segments of society—rich, poor, male, female, all races, all religions, all communities. They look like everyone else, but they are predators. 2. If you are dating, you are a targe …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFAUD: How do you fight against this type of person?

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Many people write to Lovefraud seeking advice for the situations they find themselves in due to a sociopath. I do my best to help, but sometimes the sociopath has created so much trauma that I feel like my suggestions are inadequate. Reproduced below is an e-mail exchange between a woman who faces a nearly impossible situation—we'll call her Theresa—and myself. If you have any suggestions that may help her, please post them in a comment. Theresa's first letter When I met my husband he was divorced (three times) and had joint custody of his biological son and stepdaughter. At the time it appeared as though he was this loving and caring dad, and he was so convincing that I was the one per …

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