How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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One woman’s story of near-destruction by a sociopath

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I am an abused woman. I don't look it. I smile at the world from behind big brown eyes. I work, I speak to friends, I function. I am not battered and bruised. I do not sport visible scars of torture. I am well-educated, intelligent, creative, successful, attractive. But, I am also an abused woman. This is the opening paragraph of a new book called The Dandelion Spirit—A True Life Fairytale of Love, Lies and Letting Go, by M. L. Gallagher. The Dandelion Spirit tells the true story of how the author was seduced by a sociopath who dramatically proclaimed his love for her while he played on her sympathies. It then tells how the author slipped into his web of deceit, and by the time she l …

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Enron and corporate sociopaths

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Last week former Enron executives Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling were found guilty of fraud and conspiracy. Lay was convicted of six counts, including conspiracy to commit securities and wire fraud. Skilling was convicted of 19 counts of conspiracy and fraud. On the same day, the verdict was announced in Ken Lay's separate non-jury trial related to his personal finances. He was found guilty of bank fraud. In January, 2004, Andrew Fastow, Enron's former finance chief, accepted a 10-year prison sentence in a plea-bargain deal in which he agreed to testify against his former bosses. Had he not cut the deal, he would have faced 98 counts of fraud, money laundering, insider trading and other …

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Small town sociopaths

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My first blog article back in January, How many sociopaths are in your town?, was about the fact that sociopaths can be found in any community. Experts estimate that 1% of the people in North America are sociopaths. This personality disorder is not defined by demographics. Sociopaths are male and female, rich and poor, any nationality, race or religion. In that post I talked about the Lovefraud Risk Calculator, which estimates how many sociopaths are in a given community. (Click on the Risk Calculator link on Lovefraud.com.) I gave examples of a few cities—New York, Phoenix, and tiny Skippack, Pennsylvania. I was a bit nervous about including Skippack, population 706. I've driven through t …

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The amazing audacity of sociopaths

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Last week, Ed Hicks was sentenced by a Virginia court to a year in jail for bigamy. He had been married seven times, with four of his marriages overlapping. The bigamy charge was for marrying wife number six, Julie Flint, while still married to wife number five, Rose Marie Sewell. He has already served four months, so he'll be locked up for approximately eight more months. Wife number seven, Sandra Phipps, originally pressed the bigamy charge—Hicks married her while still married to Julie. Her case was not prosecuted due to a loophole in Virginia law. Still, the fact that Hicks was sentenced at all is a victory for the women—most bigamists get off with a slap on the hand. Both Sandra an …

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Sociopaths, children and the legal system

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Robert from Illinois has sent a few e-mails to Lovefraud. He was married to a woman who he believes is a sociopath—he describes the relationship as non-emotional and loveless, with constant financial and verbal attacks. Robert is now divorced, but has a five-year-old son with the woman. Here's what Robert wrote in a recent e-mail: "Even though I told my divorce lawyer that my ex was a sociopath, he said, all you're doing is giving her a label. You still have to have evidence she is unfit to your son. I told her once that my son wants to live with me and guess what she said ?. She said, You're not getting my son. Typical sociopath response." The response of Robert's lawyer is common i …

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Las Vegas blog says Haberman is not to blame

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Last week the Lovefraud Blog reported that Phil Haberman, who recently received an other-than-honorable discharge from the military and failed in his quest to get a Purple Heart, is currently online looking for love. Haberman's MySpace.com profile says he was hurt in Iraq and he's still in the reserves—just a few of his bogus claims. The Las Vegas Review Journal included Haberman in a recent article about men who wear military medals that they didn't earn. Glenn Campbell, author of the Family Court Chronicles blog in Las Vegas, sees nothing wrong stolen valor. "Let the boys play," he writes. Campbell expressed his views on the Review Journal article in a commentary called Cads on P …

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Phil Haberman keeps the con going

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Lovefraud was contacted recently by Phil Haberman, who is profiled in True Lovefraud Stories. Haberman doesn't like his profile and said it was based on the opinions of a woman who is a proud member of the first wives club. Haberman said that for his ex-wife their short-lived marriage was all about the money. To vouch for him, Haberman had his friend, Pamela J. Sweeny, contact Lovefraud as well. Sweeny wrote, "Phil was a lonely soldier desperate for the family he never had before shipping out. He wanted someone to be waiting at home for him, and thought this woman and her daughter were exactly what he needed — unfortunately she really is a 'card chaser' looking for her latest meal t …

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The Sociopath and the Easter Eggs

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Why would a man who had no children and proclaimed himself an atheist buy a collection of decorative Easter eggs? This is exactly what my ex-husband, James Montgomery, who I believe is a sociopath, did while we were together. Now, these were not ordinary chocolate Easter eggs. One was a real egg, so big that it must have been laid by an ostrich, with a delicate feather attached and perched on a rustic wooden platform. Another real egg rested in a cozy, handcrafted nest of dried flowers, tied with a ribbon. Then there were two small wooden eggs from somewhere in Eastern Europe, delicately hand-painted. The eggs all came from expensive gift shops. So why did my ex buy them? Because …

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How sociopaths are diagnosed

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Sociopaths are difficult to identify—in part because they all behave differently, and some are worse than others. There are sociopaths who hold a job, get married, attend church—yet emotionally abuse their families, cheat on their spouses, manipulate their coworkers, steal from their employers, and never get caught. There are sociopaths who never work, torture animals, con their relatives and commit cold-blooded murder—and end up in jail. And there are plenty of sociopaths in between. The point is that sociopaths exhibit a wide range of behaviors. So it is not just the behavior that defines the sociopath—it is the personality traits as well. Dr. Robert Hare has identified the key sym …

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Looks like a sociopath on the Dr. Phil Show

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I happened to see the Dr. Phil Show on March 23, 2006. The topic for the day was Nasty Custody Battles. (The show originally aired on January 9, 2006.) One segment was called An Out-of-Control Father? It featured Angela and Chris, the parents of a seven-year-old girl. Chris wanted visitation rights. Angela didn't want Chris to see their daughter. She feared for the girl's safety. Why? Here's how Chris matter-of-factly described his past on the show: "As a juvenile, I was incarcerated for burning down a house. I stabbed one guy three times and it paralyzed him from the neck down. They ended up convicting me of assault causing bodily injury," he said. "I was arrested in 2001 for …

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