Three former administration officials of Penn State University were sentenced to jail last Friday because they failed to report signs that Jerry Sandusky, the former assistant football coach, was sexually abusing boys. This is right and just. They should be held accountable. The former university president, Graham B. Spanier, will spend at least two months in jail, followed by two months of house arrest. Gary Schultz, the former athletic director, and Tim Curley, a former vice president, will also spend time in jail, followed by house arrest. On October 9, 2012, Sandusky was sentenced to 30 to 60 years in prison for assaulting 10 boys. However, more men also came forward, and Penn …
The Marriage Masks: Three types of sociopathic relationships
Here at Lovefraud, we've heard thousands of horror stories of marriages to sociopaths. Thinking about these unfortunate involvements, it seems to me that there are three types of romantic relationships with sociopaths. I call them the Marriage Masks, and they are: 1. Calculated exploitation The sociopath targets an individual for the explicit purpose of exploiting him or her, using the unsuspecting partner for money, sex, a place to live or something else that the sociopath wants. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, targeted me because I had what he wanted: money, good credit, my own home and business connections in the city where he decided he was going to make a fortune. He sweet …
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Senior Sociopath survey closing soon
There's a rumor floating around in mental health circles that sociopaths "burn out" with age, that they engage in less antisocial behavior as they get older. Is this true? Lovefraud wants to find out. So we've developed a survey to gather data from you. Were you involved with a sociopath while he or she was over age 50? The individual could have been any of the following: Your spouse or ex-spouse Your romantic partner Your parent Your stepparent Your child Your stepchild Your sibling Another family member A work colleague A business associate A friend, neighbor or acquaintance If you are familiar with how this individual behaved while over the age of 50, please …
The Atlantic publishes: ‘When Your Child Is a Psychopath’
When Samantha was six years old, she tried to choke her two-year-old sister as they sat in the back seat of their mother's car. After mom separated them, Samantha said she wanted to kill everyone in the family. The anecdote starts an article in the June issue of The Atlantic, When Your Child Is a Psychopath. The author, Barbara Bradley Hagerty, writes that Samantha was diagnosed with conduct disorder with callous and unemotional traits. She has the traits of a budding psychopath. Hagerty spoke to many of the leading experts on psychopathy and how it develops for this article. It's a good explanation of the state of the science. The article also describes a treatment program for ad …
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How disordered parents set children up to be exploited by psychopaths
Book Review: A History of a Pedophile's Wife — Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer, by Eleanor Cowan Review by Donna Andersen People born to disordered parents are likely to be vulnerable to psychopaths later in life. I've explained this to many, many people that I've spoken to in my personal consultations. Eleanor Cowan's book, A History of a Pedophile's Wife, explains exactly how it happens. Childhood without love Eleanor was born in 1948 outside of Montreal, Canada, the second child in what would become a large Catholic family. Her childhood was molded by the dictates of the Catholic Church, wholeheartedly accepted by her father, and the disinterest of a personality d …
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How to implement No Contact
When people realize that that they are involved with a sociopath, the standard advice from Lovefraud is that they should, as quickly as possible, cut the predator out of their lives. That means no phone calls, no e-mails, no texts, and certainly no in-person meetings. It means No Contact. Of course, there are times when this is difficult, as when you work with the sociopath, or have children together. In these cases, you need to implement No Contact as best you can. But let's now talk about situations where it is possible to get rid of the person, such as in a dating relationship. What is the best way to establish No Contact? Clearly, firmly and permanently. The rules of No …
No matter what they say, sociopaths only want power, control and sex
Two Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped. Read the letters here: I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all …
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Getting over the relationship that didn’t exist
Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: How do I process a relationship that had so many lies in it that I don't know really with whom I was involved? I miss the person I thought I knew so much, but at the same time, he was involved with someone else, and others, since at least last June. I thought he had had one affair—but not anything to the extent that it looks like now. How do I process a relationship I never had? Was he lying the whole time acting out the "I love you's", the romantic comments, and the idea that we should be together? Is it all an act? Most of us are reading and posting on Lovefraud because we were intensely, callously, brutally deceived i …
How do I recover from a manipulative friendship?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Lois." I have no one to turn to, as I have never spoken to anyone regarding my friendship with the narcissist apart from the narc, which suited him perfectly. This friendship was in person but I live in a different city so it was mostly on the phone and a few face to face meetings during the year. However, I was also dropped and put in the box as needed, and picked up as soon as he would leave his families' or friends' home and work. And I had to be there when he was ready to make contact. However, the same did not apply to him. Many times when I needed to lean on him he was not contactable. I have gone …
Wall Street Journal explains that anyone can be conned
Sophisticated readers of the Wall Street Journal beware: You can be conned, just like the rest of us. The following article, by Susan Pinker, appeared in last weekend's edition: You can't be fooled by a con? Don't count on it, on WSJ.com. The Journal doesn't provide articles for free, so I'll provide a summary of key points: 35 million Americans fall for scams each year, according to the Federal Trade Commission. One reason we fall for scams is because we are biologically programmed to trust and cooperate. Research shows that we can detect a lie only about 50 percent of the time. The unconscious mind may be better at detecting lies than rational focus. So if you've been conned …
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