By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) What is the one characteristic that we must have, and must demand in those with whom we are associated? My thought is that it is reliability. Most virtues exist on a “sliding scale.” These vary from “all the way” excellence to total ineptitude. Most folks are some where in the middle and that is pretty acceptable. The one virtue, however, that is all or nothing is reliability. You are either reliable or you are not. It is sort of like dead or pregnant either you is or you ain't. There is no middle ground. If I employed someone, I would be willing to put up with just about any deficiencies, but not with unreliability. The unreliable person is bound to …
Expectations and the half-billion dollar lotto
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I don't normally by lotto tickets because the odds of winning are so powerfully against winning. Yes, I know “someone eventually wins,” and “if you don't buy a ticket you don't have any chance of winning.” When the payout on the recent Powerball got so high though—a half-billion dollars—like lots of folks I decided “why not?” I bought a $3 ticket and let the computer pick the numbers for me. The odds of being attacked by a shark are 1 in 11,000. The odds of being the lotto winner are about 175 million to one. On the way home, my son and I fantasized about what we would do if we won the half-billion dollar payout. We decided we would take it in one …
Where are the chinks in my armor?
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Back in the days when wars were fought with bows and arrows, swords and slings, soldiers wore armor to protect themselves from the enemy's weapons. Various kinds of armor were designed to protect the soldiers, while at the same time giving them the ability to move. At each of the places that were left open so that the soldier could move, there was a “chink” in the armor. This was where an enemy's arrow, spear tip or sword could pierce between the plates on either side. So the term “chink in the armor” came to mean the places where we were vulnerable to attack, even though we were covered everywhere else by protective armor. As far as I know, there was n …
Even with all that I now know, I got scammed
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I like to think of myself as pretty wise, now that I have learned to recognize most of the red flags of dishonesty and people high in psychopathic traits. But I recently got scammed by three people working in concert. They also scammed another party as well. I bought a dog that was actually stolen. Here's how it happened: I went to a web site in Georgia looking for dogs that are trained as protection dogs. They cost quite a bit of money, starting at about $5,000 and I knew this. This man offered me a “sport” trained dog for $4,000 plus freight which would put her in the $5,000 range, but he had a woman trainer here in Arkansas who could teach me to h …
Sowing the seed of knowledge
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) You know sometimes we tell others about the things that we have gone through, and hope that they see by our example what has happened to us because of our associations with psychopaths or with people who are high in dysfunctional traits common to psychopaths. Sometimes people “get it,” and sometimes they don't get it. A passage of the Bible refers to this: And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying Behold a sower went forth to sow; and when he sowed some seeds fell by the wayside, and the fowls came and devoured the …
Mothers of boys accused of murder
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Sometimes I have felt like I was totally alone in having a son (child) who was capable of horrible things. Sometimes I have felt like I was alone in turning my son in to police for the crimes he committed. Though the crime I turned my son in for was for theft, I still felt alone in doing so, and was criticized by people, even family members, for doing it. However, two recent stories have ripped my heart out. I had been following the case of the missing 12 year old New Jersey girl, but the alleged murderers were caught and charged. Their mother turned them in to police. Here is the most recent news: Teens accused of killing Clayton 12-year-old Autumn …
I Don’t Want to Live That Life
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Recently I found a book in a “junk book store” that caught my eye. Its title was I Don't Want to Live This Life, and it was written by Deborah Spungen. The book is about her family trying to raise a “difficult child,” her first daughter, Nancy. Nancy was murdered by her boyfriend, a “rock star” named Sid Vicious, in the 1970s. Nancy's birth was problematic with the cord around her neck, and a rare blood disorder caused her to need a total blood exchange transfusion immediately after birth. From the day that she was brought home from the hospital, she screamed and fought her caregivers. By the time she was 14 she was out of control. By the time she was 1 …
People with bad behavior in the news
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I recently read this article in the New York Times about Lance Armstrong. Armstrong is a world famous cyclist and well known “do-gooder” with his “Live Strong” website, which purports to tell others how to “Live Well and Live Strong.” Armstrong is a survivor of cancer. Testicular cancer is a “young man's” disease and one that I sought to teach my college-aged patients about when I worked as a director of student health. I also have a close friend who is now a middle-aged man who is also a survivor of testicular cancer. It is a horrible disease. Details of doping scheme paint Armstrong as leader It has been rumored for years that Armstrong was “doping …
Finding meaning in life from tragedy
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) One of my favorite quotes from Dr. Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning came to mind today. Dr. Frankl wrote his book after spending time in a Nazi concentration camp during WWII. He lost his wife, his family and most of his friends. His book was not just another list of the atrocities done by the Nazis, but a look at the emotional toll taken by the hopeless situations in the camps and how different people responded differently. I learned a lot from this book, and I highly recommend it for those who have suffered “hopeless” situations. "We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when fac …
The cracks of a family’s hidden dysfunction
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I often go to auctions and flea markets looking for “hidden treasures” to add to my collection of pottery and handmade baskets of split oak. One of the things I have learned to do is to look for subtle or hidden flaws in the things that I like to collect. It isn't uncommon to find pottery items that have been chipped or broken and then carefully mended. Sometimes the cracks are very subtle and difficult to detect. It isn't unusual for me to see an item and get all “excited” about it, then upon closer inspection, find that there are some hidden cracks. I got to thinking about the “hidden cracks” that are found in dysfunctional families as well. In my own …