By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Someone posted one of those “signs” on my Facebook page today that everyone forwards and shares, which I call “one-sentence wisdom or humor” but this one struck me as suburb wisdom. The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply it. Don't quit in the middle. We have all had the misfortune to learn our lessons the “hard way” in associating with a psychopath (or two), but actually I think “misfortune” may be the wrong word, because learning things “the hard way” means that we will not forget those lessons. “The burned hand never forgets the fire” is another way to say it. Maybe we have actually been fortunate to escape from …
Background noise and background pain
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Sometimes my parrot will come up with a sound or a word and we will wonder “where in the heck did he come up with that!?” We noticed a few years ago that he would make a “Whooooosh” sound when anyone opened the door either to go in or out. He did it consistently, so we knew he had associated the door opening with the sound, but we couldn't figure out who would make that sound often enough that he had picked it up. Then one day my husband came in the house and it was very hot outside and when he came in he made that “Whoooosh” sound as he hit the air conditioned inside! My son and I went, “Whoopee! We know where he got it now!” It takes endless rep …
The Wisdom of Solomon
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) We have recently been discussing on Lovefraud the judicial system that is supposed to protect our children from abuse, even from abuse by their parents, who are supposed to love and protect them. The case of Josh Powell murdering his sons has brought this topic not only to the headlines, but to the front of our own thinking about psychopathic parents. Of course, not all parents are loving, protective parents, as proven by Josh Powell's recent murder of his two sons in a dramatic fashion, after possibly murdering their mother. There was ample evidence, I think, that Josh was violence prone, starting when he attacked his mother with a knife when he was a …
Red Flags in the news again
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Last week I wrote an article about the captain of the sunken Italian ship who said he “fell into a life boat by accident” and that was why he got off the ship very early, not waiting for the rescue efforts. It also turned out this married man was with his lover and was drunk at the time the ship was steered, on his command, closer than normal to an island so he could show it off to the residents and his friends there, crashing it into known rocks. Even after the ship had hit the rocks and was stuck, he denied to the company and potential rescuers that anything other than an electrical “black out” occurred and delayed even issuing an “abandon ship” until …
When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I guess I am making a “confession” here of being a wimp, or maybe an enabler, for the majority of my life. But when people would ask me for a “favor,” I would almost always do it, even if it meant that I had to cancel plans of my own that I would much rather have done. In other words, by saying “yes” to my friends and family, I was saying “no” to myself. Shopping on Mondays After my husband died I cared for my stepfather during his long battle with cancer. In fact, I cancelled my “life” and my own grieving for my husband to voluntarily be there for him. I wanted to be there for him. However, after his death and a reasonable period of time, I realized …
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Happiness: How do we know when we have found it?
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) We frequently talk on Lovefraud about finding healing and being “happy” again. We discuss the words “forgiveness” and other emotionally charged words that have individual meanings and try to come to some conclusion that we have a definition of these words for ourselves. I got to thinking about the meaning of “happiness,” and how I will know when I have reached it. What is happiness to me? For me? After my husband died, there was a period of time when in my profound sadness and grief, that I thought “happiness” could be found in finding another mate and husband. I went seeking that “happiness,” and instead of a life mate and loving relationship with a …
Is the cruise ship captain a psychopath? I think so, and here’s why
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) The Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia wrecked a few days ago and early reports said that it had hit some rocks. Quickly though, reports came out that the captain, Francesco Schettino, had driven the ship closer than normal to those rocks on the way out of port in order to show off the ship to the residents. An article from the New York Times gives more details. More bodies found on ship, as transcripts reveal rebuke to captain Interviews from some of the over 4,020 passengers of the liner stated in news reports that it was “like the Titanic.” Only shortly after the shipwreck it was determined that the captain had left the ship early on, and als …
Is the cruise ship captain a psychopath? I think so, and here’s whyRead More
Mending boundary fences requires the right tools
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I get most of my mail at a PO box and only a few things come to my rural mailbox, which sits on the road at the end of my driveway. A few days ago I checked the mailbox, and there were several Christmas cards ”¦ including one from an EX-friend. We had reconnected a few years ago. He was an old college chum, a guy that I had palled around with when I was in my first couple of years of nursing school. He is also a nurse, now retired. We had a lot of the same interests then and still do, so since he had recently moved to this area, we started going places together and just being pals again. This was really kind of fun to have a “running buddy” to go to auc …
Pruning the dead wood from the trees of our lives
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I live in the woods, and what passes for a “yard” (I can't possibly call it a “lawn” with so little grass!) is pretty much in deep shade most of the summer due to the tall trees. Because of the deeply wooded environment, I've had to make a choice to have either trees or grass, but not both. I chose the trees. Many of the trees are different varieties of oak, some of which tend to shed the lower limbs as they grow taller and the lower limbs receive less sunlight. This self pruning of the trees benefits them by taking the limited resources of nutrients from the ground and moisture from the rains, and using it to grow taller and wider at the top where it r …
“Beware the tyranny of the weak”
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I'm a sucker for “one line philosophies,” and sometimes I hear a new one that makes me perk up my ears and start to ponder on the phrase. Thus the quotes around today's title. The person who told me this, and said that she had heard it from her mother, I later came to believe is a psychopath. At the very least, she was incredibly demanding toward me, but all in the name of being “helpless” and therefore entitled to my help or entitled to doing it her way, entitled to inconvenience everyone else for her immediate gratification. Of course she never shouted at me to get her way, but was very soft spoken and politely demanded that her will be given in to …