How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Spiritual encouragement for survivors

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Editor's note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we've heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation. A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful. For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the suppor …

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RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Taking the sociopath to the mat

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Editor's Note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Questions to ask yourself when you want to go after a sociopath By Fred Dunsing, Attorney at Law Fred Dunsing profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a counselor. I'm a lawyer. Therefore, I'm wholly unqualified to write about sociopaths and the specifics of their mental health disorder. I do, however, understand the definition of sociopath and generally understand what constitutes sociopathic behavior. I have seen many of these individuals during my years in practice as a family law attorney, and I can …

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Practice makes perfect

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By Ox Drover I remember when I first learned to ride a bicycle. Most of us remember the day we first took off the training wheels, because generally, we fell down a few times before we got it right and were pretty safe from falling. It took practice. I can't remember many days before I was about twelve that I didn't have at least one band-aid on at least one knee. Even with the continual road rash I usually had on my knees and elbows, it never even occurred to me to not keep on practicing or to give up on learning to ride the “big kid's bike.” The past couple of months have been rather stressful for me with some deadlines I was facing, some big decisions I had to make, and the usual anx …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: It starts at home

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Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader One_Step_at_a_Time sent the following post. Finally, after a long break, I have returned to reading The Betrayal Bond. I feel immediately open when I read the concepts presented in it, and I feel protected, like someone actually has my best interest at heart. The spath did not. And yet she did things looked like she cared for me, or perhaps she was just protecting her supply. I don't know yet, but as I remember and unravel my experience with her, I will start to write those things down, and ask here, "please decode this for me, ”˜cause I just don't know, it is too close and I cannot see the whole of its shape." Tonight, after an intense week that w …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The private investigator’s double life

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Lovefraud received the following story from a woman who wanted to be referred to as "PI's ex-wife." I am a well-educated, professional, hard-working person. I moved to Utah, a divorcee with four children twenty years ago. All four of my children are college graduates, two of them are masters level, and are productive members of society. At a church function, I met an investigator with the police department and we became friends. He had all the props: his parents were active members of our church, salt of the earth, well-educated and community contributors. A few weeks after we met, HE told me that the police department was giving him a choice to resign or be fired because HE had been …

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BOOK REVIEW: A Dangerous Fortune

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader “Usedandabused” recently found A Dangerous Fortune, by Ken Follett, in her garage. Although it's not a new book—published in 1993—she said it was the best portrayal of a psychopath that she'd ever read. In this breathtaking and complex page-turner, master storyteller Ken Follett portrays a psychopath with sharp emotional clarity that cannot be found in a scientific text. Micky Miranda, the son of a brutal psychopathic South American caudillo of the late 19th century, jumped from the pages into my psyche during his twenty-five year scam of a prominent London banking family. Devoid of compassion and remorse but rife with cutting instincts into the psyches …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Vigorous campaign to portray me as angry and hostile

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Editor's note: On April 15, 2009, we posted “Bob's” story—Leaning on his family while battling his wife. Well, the battle continues. Bob is asking the Lovefraud community for suggestions. I recently received the email below from my P ex-wife and wanted to share it with your readers. I would like someone to analyze this to get some insight and commentary on this situation. It is so reminiscent of what I have read on Lovefraud.com and in books and comes really without surprise; it just surprises me of the lengths she will go to try to falsely trash me in an effort to obtain custody of our kids. The allegations are either fabricated or extremely exaggerated. She has a knack for manipulating p …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved the person he was pretending to be.

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Editor's note: This story was received from a reader who goes by the name of “Elegy.” I married a sociopath. Like most of them, he came off charming and wonderful at first. We met at church. Looking back, I realize there were many red flags ”¦ but what I told myself was that you can't dismiss someone just because they're not perfect. Everyone has flaws, and he was only twenty-five. Hey, young guys (and girls) can sometimes do stupid things. Let them know what's bothering you about it and hope things change. And things did change. He would apologize. He gave me the "I had no idea" line, or the "I'm so sorry, it will never happen again" line, and it actually seemed as if it wouldn …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She wanted complete power and control over my dad and all his affairs

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Editor's note: Even in old age, sociopaths do not give up their predatory game. I've heard several stories of sociopathic senior citizens, still looking for targets. Following is one of them, submitted by a reader who we'll call “Edith.” After 40-plus years of marriage my mother died, leaving my Dad, in his 60's, bereft and vulnerable ”¦ Within a few weeks this loving man, known for his kindness, empathy and ethical character, told me about a woman in his widow/widower support group who was being very persistent in suggesting they go out for coffee or a walk and that he "wasn't ready for that." BUT HE FELT SO SORRY FOR HER because she couldn't stop crying (pity play that seemed normal und …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Taking the red flags seriously

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call "Edna." I just had a two-month experience with a guy who, I am convinced, was grooming me for "the big scam." I had been vigilant after a financial scourge from an ex who was an alcoholic/addict. Recently, however, grieving my mother's ailing health and in a growing panic from the fires that raged in close proximity to my home, I sought some semblance of levity and allowed myself intimacy with a man, even after becoming very aware of several red flags. He seemed respectable, kind, and generous, was a friend of a friend and he loved the sun, the beach, nice dinners and good music. I finally ended things last …

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