Lovefraud Blog

The sociopath said he’d pay me back from his Mexican inheritance

January 23, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 4 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Petula." I met him online in July 2014, fell hard and fast and moved in two weeks later. In September he spoke to me about an inheritance that he hadn't claimed in Mexico after his parents' deaths in 2009. It included a million dollar property and a huge bank account. I was shocked. We were engaged in December 2014 in Las Vegas and supposed to move to Mexico City in February to take care of all the paperwork and get a better evaluation on the house, as well as remove personal belongings. He promised me he would care for me and protect me, make sure I would always have the best medical treatments, etc. I quit …

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There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy

January 22, 2016 // by HGBeverly// 23 Comments

Hello. I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with my …

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Why No Contact With A Sociopath Is So Important

January 21, 2016 // by O.N.Ward// 133 Comments

Healing from a relationship with a sociopath is hard, often brutally hard. Don't add to that by being hard on yourself if your own path is filled with dark days and setbacks--even setbacks you may have caused by diverting from a path of "no contact." We are human. We are imperfect. Seek support from those who understand and will not judge. It's okay. All we can ever do in life is to move forward. No Contact/No Emotion Yet, as soon as possible, no contact with a sociopath is important. If no contact isn't possible for legal, custody or other reasons, keeping the contact minimal and totally devoid of emotion is critical. Why? Because sociopaths feed on emotion. I just finished reading a …

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Q&A with Amber Ault, PhD, MSW – clinical social worker specializing in personality disorders

January 19, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// 4 Comments

Editor's note: Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW, is author of "The Five Step Exit—The skills you need to leave a narcissist, psychopath or other toxic partner and recover your happiness now." She will also be presenting online courses in Lovefraud's upcoming Continuing Education program. What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? I provide mental health assessment and services both to people who have personality disorders, including psychopaths, narcissists, and people with Borderline personality and to partners, family members, and others who are intimately involved with them. In my role as a mental health crisis wo …

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The biggest sociopath was right under my nose, cleverly disguised as my husband

January 16, 2016 // by Lovefraud Reader// 5 Comments

Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as "jukidragonfly" tells her story. Approximately 8 years ago I was the victim of a con-artist/sociopath. At that time I found “Lovefraud” and verified that my encounter had indeed been with a sociopath and con artist. This was the first time in my naive life that I entertained and considered that such individuals existed and was my emotional 9/11. Little did I know at this time that this was merely an entrÃ©e for what lay ahead. Fast forward 8 years and I now realise that the biggest sociopath that I had in my life was right under my nose, cleverly disguised as a magnanimous, caring, empathic individual, and who was also my husband. I spea …

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Labels and Lists Might Not Help

January 15, 2016 // by HGBeverly// 37 Comments

Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite fail …

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Sociopath Control: Social Isolation and Intermittent Reinforcement Equals Addiction

January 14, 2016 // by O.N.Ward// 47 Comments

Abusive people often isolate the people they want to control. This happened to me and is chronicled in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com). Isolation is a Huge Red Flag Isolation is a red flag that should never be ignored. Due to Paul (not his real name) "working" such long hours and on weekends, we had virtually no social life as a couple. Yet, if I went out with friends alone, Paul was often home early that night waiting for me. Here's a Typical Exchange “Hi, Paul, it's great you're home. I thought you wouldn't be home ”˜til after midnight.” “We got done early,” Paul said, his face devoid of any “nic …

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So when is a spiritual leader actually a sexual predator?

January 13, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

Marc Gafni, denounced by many Jewish leaders as a sexual predator, is remaking himself as a New Age guru. The news prompted author Chaya Kurtz to write a blog post outlining the warning signs that clergy and gurus have ulterior motives when approaching women. A few of her warning signs are include: The spiritual man who thinks you're special The spiritual man who wants to see you outside of class The man who wants to spiritually connect with you through your body The spiritual man who pierces you with his eyes The religious man to whom the rules don't apply Many women have written to Lovefraud about being pursued and abused by men they met in church or through other religious or spiritual …

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Petition to stop Marc Gafni, former rabbi turned spiritual guru, from ‘abusing again’

January 13, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

Marc Gafni, of Pacific Grove, CA, wants to remake American spirituality, according to a recent profile by the New York Times. He's founded an organization called the Center for Integral Wisdom, to "evolve the source code for human existence," according to its website. Gafni's executive board of directors includes high profile supporters and New Age luminaries: John Mackey, co-founder of Whole Foods. Barbara Marx Hubbard John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Jack Canfield, author of Chicken Soup for the Soul Adam Bellow, Vice President and Editorial Director of HarperCollins Books But Gafni, who was born Mordechai Winiartz, was a rabbi until Jewish leaders essentially …

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In the wake of a sociopath, feel better with Energy Medicine

January 11, 2016 // by Donna Andersen// 16 Comments

[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/Di5Ua44iuXc"] Involvements with sociopaths are often called "toxic." This is totally appropriate, because whether these predators engage in subtle manipulation and deceit that leaves you wondering what is "off," or whether they inflict outright emotional, physical, financial and sexual abuse, your body, mind and spirit are flooded with toxins. Sustained sociopathic exploitation drains you. Eventually, you can become so physically, emotionally and psychologically depleted that it becomes difficult to handle day-to-day life, let alone the drama of the sociopath. But to escape and recover from the sociopath, you need your strength. How can you rebuild it? …

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sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind: “This is what I actually struggle with most now that I am a decade out of divorce. I did not…”
Donna Andersen on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “Good point! Thank you”
sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”
jhmb6 on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “This article suggests that all narcissists are not simply narcissists. There always seems to be a co-occurring disorder. All evidence…”