Lovefraud Blog

How to know if you were raised by a narcissist, and what to do about it

October 28, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 21 Comments

You feel like a doormat, you are competitive with siblings, you have no sense of yourself. Worse yet, you can't figure out why you feel the way you do. An insightful article on Huffington Post, written by Anna Almendrala, suggests that your problem may not have originated with you, but with your parents. Maybe your parents were narcissists. The article describes six ways you may feel or behave now, why your emotions or behaviors may be the result of a narcissistic parent, and how you can recover. 6 Signs you were raised by a narcissist, on Huffingtonpost.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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He knew her for 20 years, but didn’t know she was a lying, cheating sociopath

October 23, 2015 // by Lovefraud Reader// 9 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Jesse." I'm so saddened by the events from the past 5 months it pains me to relive them. I'm just trying to move on. I saw someone I know but really wasn't close to her. We saw each other a few times in the past 20 years, just a hello she was always smiling and happy, shy. My close friends knew her also but not close either. So we went out one afternoon to catch up on our lives since we knew each other. Funny looking back how our lives were exactly the same, or so I was being "mirrored" well. Quickly we were in Love. She was living at her parents, sleeping on the couch. No real job. So I moved her in, …

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What I, as a Highly Sensitive Person, learned the hard way about sociopaths

October 22, 2015 // by Lovefraud Reader// 14 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email froma reader who posts as "emotionallyraped." She previously wrote the blog post "Highly Sensitive People are perfect targets for sociopaths." Obviously, anyone with a conscience is a potential victim for the sociopath. Among people with a conscience, I would say a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) would be the easiest to detect, right? So, if HSP's are more easily spotted among the population with conscience, then would you agree that HSP's are likely a sociopath's most common target? Assuming you agree, would it not make sense that socios would be experts at feigning the emotions and actions of Highly Sensitive …

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My sociopath husband embezzled $400,000 from me, and it was legal

October 21, 2015 // by Lovefraud Reader// 29 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Miriam." I met a con man in 2002 on Match.com while I was living and teaching school in Germany. We were married one year later in Germany and moved three times during the marriage. He lied to me every day for seven years. Because of the fraud, I lost my retirement house, much of the furniture and furnishings I had collected over 20 years, my car, my life savings, and seven years of my teaching salary. My husband only worked part time for nine months, but was managing all of our money. He made promises to me that were all broken. He had opportunities to work but always told employers "we don't need …

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Checklist: Is your partner a sociopath?

October 19, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 6 Comments

Almost every day, I receive email from people who have discovered Lovefraud and have a burning question to ask me: "Am I involved with a sociopath?" I've heard this question so many times that I've finally created a quick and easy way to help answer it Lovefraud's "Is your partner a sociopath?" checklist. The 29 items on the checklist are drawn from the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, which was completed by more than 1,300 respondents in 2012. It identifies the behaviors that people who were in relationships with sociopaths experienced and witnessed, time and time again. These are the same behaviors I continue to hear about from hundreds of readers. So if you are wondering …

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Silly science: Researchers say liking bitter foods is linked to antisocial personality traits

October 17, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 8 Comments

Every day, my breakfast is topped with curry powder, which contains turmeric, which is bitter. I must have my coffee in the morning. For lunch I usually eat a salad containing arugula and radishes. I love using fresh herbs from my garden, such as parsley, basil and cilantro. And I'd love to eat dark chocolate every day, but I resist that. All of the foods I mentioned are bitter, so I must be a sociopath. Researchers from the University of Innsbruck in Austria say that they've found an association between people who say they like bitter foods and antisocial personality traits. According to reports on Science Direct and Medical Daily, almost 1,000 people all Americans were handed long lists …

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7 reasons loving a cheater can be a gift

October 16, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Realizing that you're involved with a sociopath is heartbreaking, devastating, earth-shattering. But, as bad as it is, good can come out of the experience. You can gain a better understanding of the world and the people in it. You can gain a better understanding of yourself. And, if you commit yourself to recovery, you can come out the other side healthier than ever, with an opportunity for true happiness. I've written about this quite a bit here on Lovefraud. In my second of two articles for YourTango, I've expressed this view to a wider audience. You can read it by clicking the link below. 7 reasons loving a cheater is the best gift you'll ever give yourself, on YourTango.com. BTW I …

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Therapy Satisfaction Survey: Did you seek counseling because of a difficult relationship? How did it go?

October 10, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 3 Comments

If you've found your way to Lovefraud, most likely it's because you experienced an abusive or destructive relationship. Did you also seek professional counseling? If so, Lovefraud wants to know about your experience. We are collecting data for a scientific research paper about the experiences of people who seek therapy in the context of an abusive relationship. Your relationship could have been with anybody: Partner Parent Sibling Boss Other The survey will ask you questions like: What aspects of the therapy were helpful or not helpful? Did you engage in couples or joint counseling? How satisfied were you with the services you received? It has multiple-choice questions and some questions …

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Q&A with Carol Mooney, a wellness counselor

October 9, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? I worked for many years as a counselor in the criminal justice system with high-risk individuals involved in criminal offending, drugs and alcohol, volatile behaviors, chronic unemployment, very low education levels, mental health disorders and personality disorders (predominantly antisocial personality disorder), as well as a crisis counselor through the Mental Health Mental Retardation Department. In addition, I speak from the inside out from personal experience with a relationship with a dangerous, toxic lethal individual. I know the pain, betrayal a …

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Overt and covert narcissists

October 8, 2015 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

According to an article by Scott Barry Kaufman on the Scientific American Blog, there are two types of narcissists: "While the 'overt' narcissists tended to be aggressive, self-aggrandizing, exploitative, and have extreme delusions of grandeur and a need for attention," he writes, "'covert' narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution." Researchers have developed the Maladaptive Covert Narcissism Scale. It has 23 statements, and people are supposed to rate the degree to which the statements describe them. Kaufman includes the scale in this article does it apply to anyone you know? 23 signs you're secretly a …

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Donna Andersen on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “Hi Samson75 – My paper was peer-reviewed and published in the International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology. There’s…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “HI Samson, from what I read of Donna’s article, she had more than 2,000 Lovferaud readers as a valid sample.…”
samson75 on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “love fraud subscribers are not really a valid sample as they represent people who either have had trouble dealing with…”
Donna Andersen on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “Thank you for your thoughtful comment.”
samson75 on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “The majority of studies show that bipolar and psychopathy can be comorbid, though it is rare. What people likely see…”