Finally, some nationwide exposure to the problem of sociopathic con men. On Friday, June 20 at 10 p.m. (Eastern), the ABC 20/20, the network's news magazine, will tell the story Katherine Underwood's campaign often in disguise to collect the money owed to her by her former boyfriend, Budimir Drakulic. I am interviewed in the show explaining how it's possible for someone to give her partner more than $410,000. I broke the story back in April in an article for the Daily Mail: I'm not done wig you! The many disguises woman wore to spy on an ex-lover who owes her $1.6 m after 20 years. Like a true sociopath, Drakulic never paid. But maybe he will now. ABC News hired a private …
Prolonged stress damages children’s learning, behavior and health
Extensive research on the biology of stress now shows that the healthy development of children can be derailed by excessive or prolonged activation of stress response systems in the body (especially the brain), with damaging effects on learning, behavior, and health across the lifespan. This topic will be highlighted at the National Coucil of Juvenile and Family and Court Judges in July in Chicago. According to the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child at Harvard University, it's important to distinguish among three kinds of responses to stress: positive, tolerable and toxic. "When toxic stress response occurs continuously, or is triggered by multiple sources, it can have a …
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Restorative images and recovery from betrayal
"When we focus on something repeatedly, the brain forms a habit," says Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Living and Loving After Betrayal. "We have to be careful on what we focus on." When we discover that we've been betrayed by a sociopath, for a long time that's all we can think about. Although this is a typical response to the betrayal, it also has the effect of keeping us mired in our pain. Stosny suggest replacing the memories of the deception with restorative images, which he defines as "any emotionally laden bit of your imagination that eases pain by shifting mental focus from loss to growth." He explains this approach in an article on the Psychology Today blog: Healing from …
Why I wrote ‘The Muslim Romance Trilogy’
By Juliet Montague Parts one and two of Juliet Montague's Muslim love story trilogy. Part One: THE YEAR I LEARNED TO TEXT — Why Am I Having Sex with a Muslim in My Basement? Part Two: JIHAD HONEYMOON IN HOLLYWOOD — Not Without My Dogs I had not before kept a detailed diary. Looking back at previous journals, one would simply find a note here and there reflecting a doctor's appointment, a luncheon date, an audition, a listing appointment, a reminder to call my mother. My realization that I was into something profoundly foreign, intriguing, and sexually awakening, I began documenting each and every phone call, text message, and encounter with my own personal Aladdin. I had truly nev …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Life with a sociopath ends in death
Editor's note: Following is sad news from the Lovefraud reader "Hoping to Heal." Several years ago, I was introduced to a young vivacious couple. Both were very attractive and successful. They were charming and fun to be around. Both had lots of energy and seemed to be enjoying life to its fullest. They seemed to adore one another. While I'd never met the man before, he did have a reputation of being a real Ladies Man. He had been married before and had many relationships that he left abruptly. But, he had it All ”¦ good looks, charisma and a good job, and women were beating his door down. At the time I met this couple, I assumed he had "grown up" and gotten his act together. They looked …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my sister?
Editor's Note: This letter was submitted by Lovefraud reader we'll call "Elizabella." Other names in this letter have been changed. I've spent hours online searching for specific suggestions that apply to this particular situation, but am still mostly at a loss regarding how to handle it and am desperate for help. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, but there is so much to this story. I left an emotionally abusive marriage after 20 years, so I'm very familiar with how these "relationships" work and I am now convinced that my sister, Lisa, is in such a marriage, although she refuses to admit it; she has only hinted at it in the past. She has been married to him (I'll call him Ralph) …
Online threats: Crimes or free speech?
The Supreme Court of the United States may soon decide whether or not to hear appeals of two cases in with people were convicted and sent to jail for making online threats, even though they later said they didn't mean any harm. In one case, Anthony Elonis of Pennsylvania, wrote on Facebook about killing his estranged wife. According to the Associated Press, he said: “There's one way to love you but a thousand ways to kill you. I'm not going to rest until your body is a mess, soaked in blood and dying from all the little cuts.” The woman testified in court that she feared for her life. Elonis was sentenced to almost four years, and was released on February 14, 2014, according to The Exp …
Why I wrote ‘Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist’
Editor's note: The following essay was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "PeggySue." My book, Life in the Aftermath of a Narcissist came into being as I worked to create my life again following the utter anguish of being used and manipulated by the husband I cherished and who, I believed, loved me. In the midst of heartache and disbelief, I found myself to be dealing with the memories of gaslighting, my devastated emotions, a financial outlook of sheer decimation, and the loss of just “who I was.” Marrying on the heels of my completion of my book called Romance Stew, I was, at age 55, heady at finding “Mr. Right.” The man and his family filled my heart's empty spaces with hope …
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New Jersey Judge John Tomasello refuses restraining order for victim of convicted pedophile and bigamist William Jordan
By Joyce M. Short BURLINGTON COUNTY, NJ Although New Jersey revamped their sexual assault laws in 2012, yesterday Family Court Judge John Tomasello proved those changes could be easily undermined by a judge who's a misogynist dinosaur. Mishcelle Lewis, of Florence Township, New Jersey, had petitioned the court for a restraining order against convicted bigamist and child molester, William Allen Jordan. Jordan currently awaits trial on charges of sexual coercion, theft by deception, and impersonating a government official. He is currently housed in a special protective section of the Burlington County jail designated for sexual predators. His case history includes failure to register as a …
Why Do I Feel So Guilty? How Sociopaths Shame Us Into Submission
If I had to pick the most powerful tool in a sociopath's arsenal, it would be shame. I've experienced a myriad of emotions during my life with sociopathic parents: sadness, anger, confusion, jealousy (from observing "healthy" families), fear, loneliness, compassion, forgiveness. During the healing process, it is very normal to have waves of these emotions come and go. But for me, the one emotion that hasn't come and gone, the one that has blanketed my entire life history, is shame. Why shame? I didn't ask to be abused as a child. As an adult, I certainly had the choice to sever ties with my parents, but I didn't because I thought a good daughter wouldn't do that. If I hang in the …
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