Lovefraud Blog

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 1)

October 26, 2013 // by Lovefraud Reader// 13 Comments

Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "WalkingInLight." Part 2 will be posted tomorrow. I am sharing my story with you to clarify it all in my own head and to see if I should be moving out of this relationship. The trouble is, I have been in this marriage for 20 years (minus some years of separation) and though I know it's not normal, I have got used to it, and don't know if it is bad enough to leave, even though I have no love, trust or respect for this man left. I feel he has killed it all. I am confused because we are not living in a hostile way to each other, so I don't know if it would be more harmful to my children to leave. Here is my story. Sorry in …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 1)Read More

Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide: Norman Groot

October 24, 2013 // by Lovefraud Professional Resources// Leave a Comment

Lovefraud presents a series of Q&A articles with members of the Professional Resources Guide. Norman Groot is an attorney located in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Q. What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? A. Our law firm, Investigation Counsel PC, has litigated various cases on behalf of victims of ”˜lovefraud.' In one case the victim was a gentleman with cerebral palsy who was scammed out of $800,000 by a woman who he met online. After approximately a year of courting, he proposed to her and she advised him that she was carrying his child. She was married at the time to a local drug dealer, and ulti …

Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide: Norman GrootRead More

Recovery From A Sociopath: Learning From Past Mistakes

October 23, 2013 // by Quinn Pierce// 82 Comments

by Quinn Pierce I've been thinking a lot lately about the process of learning from our mistakes. It sounds simple enough. After all, it's easy to look in the rear-view mirror and see exactly where we went wrong. Events always look so clear and uncomplicated when looking at them from a safe distance. So, with a little self-reflection, we can identify those decisions that led us into unsafe territory and vow never to make them again. Complicated Choices But, this is where I run into a problem. I know which experiences I do not want to repeat, but the choices I made that led to those experiences are not as black and white as the experiences themselves. For example, I chose to love …

Recovery From A Sociopath: Learning From Past MistakesRead More

Dealing with sociopaths: Fight or flight?

October 21, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 50 Comments

Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting people. When you're the person who has been exploited, how should you respond? Do you try to hold the sociopath accountable? Or do you cut your losses and walk away? Lovefraud is an open forum, with many people expressing opinions about what you should do. In the past, some folks have posted comments saying give up, run away, don't fight, you can't win. I don't necessarily agree with that. Yes, in some cases, fleeing is the best course of action. But sometimes the only way to survive is to fight. Or sometimes standing up to the sociopath enables you to reclaim yourself, even if you don't win the battle. I believe you …

Dealing with sociopaths: Fight or flight?Read More

He thought I had beautiful eyes…

October 20, 2013 // by Linda Hartoonian Almas// 21 Comments

As if being a first year law student isn't hard enough, enter a new dating relationship. Under the best of circumstances, this would be a challenge, but when your gut is screaming at you, it's even more interesting. Let's start with law school. I was slow to admit it, but yes, that is what I have been doing since last I wrote. Years ago, after my all consuming experience with psychopathy, I promised myself that I would rise from the ashes, turn the bad into good, and help others recover from abusive relationships with psychopaths or those high in psychopathic features. It is my turn to pay it forward. This promise has evolved slowly and its shape has changed over the years, but thus f …

He thought I had beautiful eyes…Read More

Talking openly about domestic violence

October 20, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 5 Comments

Leslie Morgan Steiner wrote the book Crazy Love about being involved with a man who routinely abused her. In this TED talk from last year, she describes how she was drawn into the relationship, and why she didn't leave. Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave, on Ted.com. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

Talking openly about domestic violenceRead More

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: After the sociopath, whole and human again

October 19, 2013 // by Lovefraud Reader// 3 Comments

Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader "Winifred." She previously wrote "The Other Prey loving someone previously married to a sociopath." I have just read the story from "Edward" entitled, My involvement with a female sociopath. My heart goes out to the people who are collateral damage from the wrath of a sociopath...male or female. I would like to get the message out there that there is actually a way to recover from this hell, and after picking up the pieces and getting to know ourselves again, to find someone who has no evil agenda, someone who wants what we want! I have been with my husband for 10 years now, and we have been through it all! I believe that …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: After the sociopath, whole and human againRead More

FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin on psychopathy

October 17, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 10 Comments

In July 2012, the FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin focused on the topic of psychopathy. The publication provides an overview of what law enforcement officials should know about psychopaths as criminals. Lovefraud readers will also find the information helpful. Topics include: Psychopathy: An important forensic concept for the 21st century Perspective: The predator when the stalker is a psychopath Looking behind the mask: Implications for interviewing psychopaths Case study: No more bagpipes the threat of the psychopath The language of psychopaths: New findings and implications for law enforcement FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin on Psychopathy, on FBI.gov …

FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin on psychopathyRead More

My Marriage To A Sociopath: Lessons Learned

October 16, 2013 // by Quinn Pierce// 23 Comments

by Quinn Pierce It's fall in the Northeast. The long humid days of summer have been replaced by crisp autumn air, while vibrant, painted leaves cover sidewalks. It's usually my favorite time of year, but I have to admit that this particular change in seasons has been challenging. Instead of enjoying the beautiful scenery and bright sunshine, I've spent most of my days sitting in the interchangeable waiting rooms of doctors, lawyers, counselors, principals, etc, trying to help my children heal while protecting them from their father. Time to Reflect on Change Sitting in these impersonal, and sometimes, over-crowded waiting rooms, I have had lots of time to reflect upon my fifteen y …

My Marriage To A Sociopath: Lessons LearnedRead More

People who enjoy inflicting pain and suffering

October 15, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 8 Comments

Dr. Delroy L. Paulhus and his colleagues ran experiments to study "everyday sadists" people who enjoy inflicting pain on others. According to this article in the New York Times, "Psychopaths want to get things from people and don't care about hurting them to do so," Paulhus said. "Sadists look for opportunities to hurt people, and prolong it for their own pleasure." 'Everyday sadists' among us, on NYTimes.com. …

People who enjoy inflicting pain and sufferingRead More

recovery46 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again: “Bernice—it’s 2025 and my experience with the spath was EXACTLY the same! I kept rereading bc all the details were…”
sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind: “This is what I actually struggle with most now that I am a decade out of divorce. I did not…”
Donna Andersen on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “Good point! Thank you”
sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”