Lovefraud Blog

Divorcing A Sociopath: Finding Strength, Acceptance, and Healing

August 21, 2013 // by Quinn Pierce// 114 Comments

by Quinn Pierce Today, after a trip to the psychologist with my children, I watched my ex-husband run to open the door for a very pregnant woman who looked extremely tired in the day's intense heat. She immediately broke out into a grateful smile, her whole body relaxed, and I could see the combination of the cool air conditioning and the sweet gesture of this gentleman turned her whole day around. But for me, it was like watching a car accident in slow motion. I was all at once sick and mesmerized by what I saw. I know it doesn't sound like much of an incident to cause such a reaction, but it was so typical, and predictable, and”¦calculated. And that's when I realized why it …

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Dating again after the sociopath

August 19, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 80 Comments

Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as "Saskgirl:" I must say that your website is a lifesaver. It has helped me recover from a devastating relationship with a sociopath. It is amazing how many stories I read on your site and can totally identify with them. The people could be talking about the piece of garbage I was tangled up with. I have been single for about a year and a half and have spent a lot of that time healing and working on me. I am ready to start dating (I think) but I'm afraid that it will be disastrous for me. I was so emotionally wrecked that I'm terrified of being there again. I don't trust anyone and believe that just about every thing …

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How psychopathic parents affect children

August 18, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 99 Comments

A Lovefraud reader who posts as "Mani" asked a question that I'm sure is of interest to many others, so I'll address it in a blog post. Mani writes: I was one of the children who lived with a psychopath for a long time. I fought all my life not to let him be a part of my personality. In comparison to what I was exposed to I think I have been successful. But is there anybody out there who can shed more light on the effects of a psychopath father on children, particularly boys? I know there is tendency to label these children as secondary psychopaths but I haven't seen anybody talking about the mechanics of it. And I am sure all these children don't become secondary psychopaths. This is a …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Now I can see how manipulative he was

August 17, 2013 // by Lovefraud Reader// 12 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman whom we'll call "Clarissa." She dated a man whom we'll call "Bradford." Clarissa is sharing a letter he sent her, which is posted with all its original misspellings. I met Bradford nearly three years ago. I had never heard of a sociopath and I fell for his charm and good looks. He seemed to be the man of my dreams. One year after our relationship ended and now knowing I loved a sociopath, I am starting to put my life back on track, I am paying back the debt he left me in and even looking to meet someone new. I will not let him ruin anymore of my life. I am lucky to have got away from him, but I wanted to share a …

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BOOK REVIEW: Just Like His Father?

August 15, 2013 // by Lovefraud Professional Resources// 4 Comments

Many of you who have been with a sociopath have had children with him/her. I've heard a lot of sad and horrible stories from partners who are left with the fall-out of the damage done to the children. The sociopath can be abusive, parentify the child into meeting his/her needs, or ally the child against the other parent, all of which are extremely damaging. The child may also be exposed to chaos in the home, addiction, or divorce. If this weren't bad enough, the child of a sociopath will have half of his/her genes, making the child vulnerable to developing sociopath traits. That is why Dr. Liane J. Leedom's book, Just Like His Father? is timely and of crucial …

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The Sociopath, Divorce and Small Steps to Recovery

August 14, 2013 // by Quinn Pierce// 14 Comments

By Quinn Pierce I have always been the type of writer who prefers notebooks and pencils to computer screens and keyboards. As someone who writes daily, I have quite a collection of notebooks, and my pencils can be found in every room of the house. Sometimes, I go through old notebooks in an attempt to recycle unused pages, and inadvertently, I end up recycling old memories, as well. Revisiting the Past Often, it's the emotional equivalent of cleaning out my closet. It's an opportunity to see how far I've come in the aftermath of my marriage and divorce, and it gives me a chance to let go of some misconceptions about myself and my ex-husband that I have since outgrown. But, once in a …

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Introducing a new Lovefraud author: Quinn Pierce

August 13, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 3 Comments

Most of us are here at Lovefraud because we've had our lives ravaged by someone who we now realize is a sociopath. The experience of overwhelming deceit and intentional abuse is difficult to comprehend, much less describe. Trying to explain what happened, even to ourselves, leaves many of us at a loss for words. That's why it is so comforting to find the right words expressed by someone else. When another person precisely describes what we've lived through, it validates our own perceptions and lets us know that we aren't the only ones who have gone through such hell. Quinn Pierce, a writer and educator, has the gift of choosing the right words. That's why I am so pleased to announce that …

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Sociopaths change how we look at the world

August 12, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 33 Comments

Most of us grow up believing that all people are created equal, that human beings are basically good, and everybody wants to be loved. These are the messages we learn in school, in church, and in the age of political correctness, from the media. These beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world and the people in it. Our beliefs influence how we perceive and understand the behavior of those we meet. And, for about 90 percent of the population, the beliefs work just fine. Bad treatment Then we realize that someone in our life isn't treating us well. We may think this person is reacting to our behavior, that we're doing something to provoke anger or elicit criticism after …

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Military Lovefraud part 2: Woman outs scammer, he wants to talk anyway

August 11, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

When Debby Wadsworth of Minnesota posted an online profile, she immediately received inquiries from men claiming to be military. Being former military herself, she knew "GoodSoul87" wasn't what he claimed to be. She was right. He wasn't Staff Sgt. Ricky James. He was Fofo "Nathanial" Babington, an unemployed 26-year-old from Ghana. Story and video: Behind lonely troops lurks an online con featuring fake IDs, photos, on StarTribune.com. Interestingly, it sounds like Babington was using the same photo of a Sgt. James that Lovefraud posted almost two years ago. The POW Network was able to identify the real Sgt. James, and apparently his photo is one of the most frequently stolen for …

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Military Lovefraud part 1: Epidemic of romance scams

August 10, 2013 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

There is something about men in uniform — and perhaps women in uniform — that is appealing and romantic. Hundreds, or perhaps thousands, of scammers take advantage of military attraction to separate unsuspecting targets from their money. Here's how they work: Con artists working out of Internet cafes — often in Africa — troll through dating sites, Facebook and other websites, striking up acquaintances with lonely people, usually women. They talk about the dangerous but important work they do in Afghanistan, Iraq or other distant locations. They confess their feelings of love for their targets. Then they ask the targets for money to pay for "leave requests," "communication fees," "transp …

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Donna Andersen on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “Hi Samson75 – My paper was peer-reviewed and published in the International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology. There’s…”
Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “HI Samson, from what I read of Donna’s article, she had more than 2,000 Lovferaud readers as a valid sample.…”
samson75 on More evidence that psychopaths do not ‘burn out’: “love fraud subscribers are not really a valid sample as they represent people who either have had trouble dealing with…”
Donna Andersen on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “Thank you for your thoughtful comment.”
samson75 on The relationship between sociopathy/psychopathy and bipolar disorder: “The majority of studies show that bipolar and psychopathy can be comorbid, though it is rare. What people likely see…”