Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) You know sometimes we tell others about the things that we have gone through, and hope that they see by our example what has happened to us because of our associations with psychopaths or with people who are high in dysfunctional traits common to psychopaths. Sometimes people “get it,” and sometimes they don't get it. A passage of the Bible refers to this: And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying Behold a sower went forth to sow; and when he sowed some seeds fell by the wayside, and the fowls came and devoured the …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trail of Water, Tears and Betrayal
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who writes as "Esther." I am watching with horror as I see the devastation of Hurricane Sandy. The water and photos of devastation bring back memories for me of my experiences in South Florida—three hurricanes back to back destroyed my home. I was married to the sociopath at that time. He enjoyed the attention and the chaos. I was devastated and overwhelmed. The insurance adjusters, claims, trying to get tarps to protect the home from further rain and damage, the ceiling collapsing and the black mold that began to appear on the walls after the power was restored. Contractors could not be found, and the predators looking f …
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Chasing ghosts: psychopathy and the children
Psychopaths tend to be sexually promiscuous. They often have numerous short term romantic relationships and indiscriminant sexual encounters throughout their lives. Further, they commonly engage carelessly and recklessly, without regard for consequences. This, unfortunately, often leaves trails of children behind in their wakes. Psychopaths do not make good parents. They may be able to create the children, but do not have the ability to effectively parent. Frequently, they fail to properly provide for these children in most ways, as they are unusually focused on themselves, their own wants and needs, and often driven to act in anger and revenge. This is true, independent of whether o …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This year, holidays without the sociopath
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." Holiday seasons are looming on the horizon. For those of us who are in recovery, this time of year can be very depressing, or very liberating. For those who are still embedded in the World of Spath, the holiday season can be more desperate than any other time of the year. Before escaping sociopathic entanglements, the Holiday Season is a time of withhold/reward, predictable outcomes, and ruined expectations. "Perhaps, this year will be better. Perhaps, he/she will make the changes and save the relationship." Well, if the spath isn't engaging in withhold/reward, they're engaging in …
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Leaving the Sociopath: Gathering Strength and Losing Fear
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW [Masculine pronouns are used for the sake of simplicity. Women, of course, can also be sociopaths.] You are feeling more desperate and miserable in this relationship with this person who you thought loved you. Over time you have experienced feeling less valuable, as you find your needs no longer seem important to him. Your feelings are not important. In fact, when you try to emotionally connect or bring up a hurt, a need, or a concern about something he did, it only seems to threaten him and make them act like a cornered animal. And, in the end, he acts victimized and you feel like the bad guy. There are many things about you or what you say or do that he cannot …
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TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: He told me he loved me and would someday marry me
Lovefraud received the following email from a young lady whom we'll call "Suzette." I'm only twenty years old & I feel like my soul has been snatched out of me. I met him in my neighborhood; we'd been acquainted for a year. He contacted me out of the blue about how hurt he was that his girlfriend cheated (Lie#1). We hung out, I was charmed & wooed and he told me he loved me, & would someday marry me because I was the one. He just didn't know if he could handle jumping into something serious. I settled for taking it slow. He claimed he fell on hard times (Lie#2), couldn't find a job (actually wasn't looking) and needed a place to stay. I have a giving heart and so I felt sorry …
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News reports say British TV star Jimmy Savile was a sexual predator for decades
Jimmy Savile was one of the most well-know stars of British television. Everyone knew he was eccentric and many people apparently knew he was also a sexual predator who targeted young girls for decades. Jimmy Savile scandal on BBC.co.uk. 'If we blabbed on Jimmy, the family would have been left with nothing': Savile's abused great niece tells how paedophile DJ bought his relatives' silence, on DailyMail.co.uk. Britain's Jimmy Savile abuse scandal: how could his crimes have gone unnoticed for so long? on WashingtonPost.com. Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader. [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/6nHDZfSl36g] …
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Mothers of boys accused of murder
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Sometimes I have felt like I was totally alone in having a son (child) who was capable of horrible things. Sometimes I have felt like I was alone in turning my son in to police for the crimes he committed. Though the crime I turned my son in for was for theft, I still felt alone in doing so, and was criticized by people, even family members, for doing it. However, two recent stories have ripped my heart out. I had been following the case of the missing 12 year old New Jersey girl, but the alleged murderers were caught and charged. Their mother turned them in to police. Here is the most recent news: Teens accused of killing Clayton 12-year-old Autumn …
Rest In Peace Baby Boy – The Courts Failed Us
On October 21, 2012 at 8:38pm my baby boy was officially pronounced dead. I sit here typing and I am still in complete shock. I wasn't sure I would ever be able to write about, but tonight as I sit here I realize that baby boy needs me to tell his story — our story. It is a tragic story. It is a story about a guardian angel and his mama. It is a story about the day I lost my little angel, my soul, and my reason to keep living. 8:30am Friday October 19th: Baby boy had been running a fever and the night before his fever had spiked again causing another seizure. I called the ambulance, per usual, and again was told that baby boy was fine and that Febrile Seizure are benign and that I shoul …
Loving the sociopath who’s spared you
(This article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is for convenience's sake and not to suggest that females aren't capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.) It can be hard to hate or despise even the most terrible human being so long as he's inflicted his cruelty on others, but spared you. Take a sociopathic relative, even a close one. If somehow he compartmentalized his life, lived a “double life—”in any case, if you learned that he treated you (retrospectively even) with an exceptional, aberrant mercy that he denied his victims, you might very possibly remain “loyal” to him. You might still even “love” him. Various defenses are pertine …