Thank you so much for all the kind comments following my last post”¦ I'm glad that people are able to connect with what I am saying. It brings me great joy to feel part of this community — thank you for welcoming me so warmly. This week I have decided to write about something that I've been discussing over the past couple of days with my great friend Beatrix, who was also married to a charming sociopath. She is, of course, part of the sister and brotherhood who've been there seen it and got the T-shirt. We've known each other for many years, and our conversations, quite naturally, often focus on our experiences and subsequent education about personality disorders. So last night we were dis …
Hastening the demise of sociopaths
Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others. Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do. So how do we make them fail? Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get …
Actions speak louder than words… or do they?
This week two people contacted me, both adult daughters of sociopaths. In one case her father and in the other case her mother has psychopathic personality traits. Interestingly, both disordered parents claim to be “Christian” and the theme of our discussions was the disparity between what the parent says and what they do. Both women shared the belief that this disconnect between words and action is particularly damaging to children. I agree with this assertion because I have also seen it in other cases. Why would the disconnect between words and actions be so damaging to children? Consciousness develops gradually during childhood. Consciousness means connecting words, thoughts and fee …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the Internet predator
Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following update from a reader who we called “Greta.” Hi Donna: I previously emailed you my story and you posted it on June 23, 2011 under Letters to Lovefraud: Hooked by an Internet predator. This is an update to my story. As I wrote to you last, according to his previous girlfriend in Italy that keeps in touch with me, my ex, the predator, had persuaded a church in Florida to buy him a bus ticket to New York City. The homeless shelter in New York City assisted him through Immigration to get a ticket back to Holland. After the FBI, CIA, and Interpol completed their investigations, Immigration issued him an airline ticket back to Ams …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the Internet predatorRead More
To The Sociopath – A Message Of Defiance
There are so many inspiring posts and true stories that are shared here on this forum, and I thought I'd like to share with you an open message that I sent to my ex when I discovered he had been reading my blog. For me, it was another of those defining moments. I had a choice, you see. My habitual response would have been to shut down, keep quiet and stop sharing my journey with the world. The knowledge that he once again had access to my inner thoughts instantly brought back the familiar feelings of fear and uncertainty — together with the still haunting shame that I'd fallen so heavily for his poisonous charms. The fact that, despite my love, he had systematically stripped me of everything …
Disordered people exist, and we need to avoid them
Last week, after publishing ThePsychoExWife.com and the First Amendment, Lovefraud received the following letter: I want to commend you and thank you for your website. It is a service to all survivors and the people that love them and, if you'll permit me, I do want to open a dialogue with you about some concerns I have about the site. I have read everything possible about sociopathy from a graduate student perspective and from my own experience with a violent sociopath and several other moderate paths, as well as other random people and family members that fit various DSM criteria, I am concerned that your site is very black and white and that people will be misled to their detriment. …
RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Why psychopaths feel the need to destroy us after the relationship is over
Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. Dark Soul as a destroyer By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide Psychopaths are known for their lack of fear, but at the same time they often have other associated personality disorders along side, such as malignant narcissism. Deep down they have a sense of self-hatred and loathing, which is why they feel the need to have a constant fix of kind loving, empathic individuals that they can then slowly pull d …
When our strengths become our downfall
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I've been reading some interesting books lately by some very interesting researchers in the field of psychology—Dr. Barbara Oakley dealing with the themes of altruism, Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen on empathy, and others who are trying to discover what makes people altruistic and how empathy (or lack of it) affects how we behave toward our fellow men. I've come to some interesting conclusions concerning my own part in my abuse by multiple people who were/are high in psychopathic traits, and very low in empathy, compassion and altruistic behavior. I have wondered about my own ability to repeatedly “explain away” the abusive behavior that I experienced from family m …
Breaking The Silence
I am loving the honesty, support and wisdom shared by members of this community - and I feel deeply honoured to be here. Lovefraud is such a safe place, such a help to all of us whose lives have been touched by a sociopath. And your comments have inspired me to write about something I call the ”˜code of silence' this week. Something that, in my experience, exists among so many of us who have experienced abuse. Let's make no bones about it - escaping from a controlling or abusive relationship is difficult enough. Accepting the truth that you've been treated so badly is even harder. But having to explain what happened to other people is excruciatingly humiliating. Particularly when they wi …
ThePsychoExWife.com and the First Amendment
From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators. That's why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource. I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer: Divorce blog's rancor …