How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Part 1–Giving him the benefit of the doubt

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from the reader who posts as “robxsykobabe.” Read it—and watch as the sociopathic manipulation blossoms. Here is my story”¦as I've only shared bits and pieces. My ex and I met on a dating website. We met at a mutually convenient place, and upon seeing him for the first time in person, I was in awe! He was the perfect looking guy, casual, with a tall stature, a beautiful face and such charm. We went into a restaurant but didn't eat. We sat at the bar, and I ordered a drink. He did not, saying he doesn't drink anymore. That was fine with me. We engaged in conversation, and at one point, I asked him if he had ever been in prison. Why t …

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Getting over the relationship that didn’t exist

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Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: How do I process a relationship that had so many lies in it that I don't know really with whom I was involved? I miss the person I thought I knew so much, but at the same time, he was involved with someone else, and others, since at least last June. I thought he had had one affair—but not anything to the extent that it looks like now. How do I process a relationship I never had? Was he lying the whole time acting out the "I love you's", the romantic comments, and the idea that we should be together? Is it all an act? Most of us are reading and posting on Lovefraud because we were intensely, callously, brutally deceived in …

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Criticizing bishops in the Philadelphia clergy abuse scandal

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In February, a Philadelphia grand jury indicted four priests of sex abuse and found evidence that an additional 37 had also abused. The panel that reviews sex abuse cases for the Philadelphia archdiocese was as surprised as anyone. In an article in Commonweal, a lay Catholic publication, the chairwoman of the review board criticizes the archdiocese, saying it "failed miserably at being open and transparent." The problem, writes Ana Maria Catanzaro, was the clergy's attitude of superiority. She writes: So why haven't they gotten it? In a word, clericalism. In his book Clericalism: The Death of the Priesthood, George B. Wilson, SJ, articulates “unexamined attitudes” typical of clerical cult …

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Sociopathy runs amok in murder of 15-year-old boy

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This case is so shocking that it's difficult to know where to begin. It's a mix of multiple disordered personalities and vicious actions that exploded into the incomprehensible. The trouble apparently started when 15-year-old Seath Tyler Jackson of Belleview, Florida, a town of about 4,500 people located 65 miles north of Orlando, broke up with his 15-year-old girlfriend, Amber Wright. The breakup was public, played out in real time on Facebook. Wright had apparently taken up with a new boyfriend, 18-year-old Michael Shane Bargo. Jackson and Bargo hated each other, and Bargo allegedly wanted to do something about it. Here is what happened, according to media reports that quoted police …

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RESOURCE PERSPECTIVES: Psychopaths, victims and therapy

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Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. Re-traumatising and PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide Everyone always writes about the positive aspects of coming out of a relationship with a psychopathic personality. You read things about how as a result of being in such a toxic relationship, it empowers you and teaches you how to recognise and spot predators. If you have never learnt how to h …

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Now, more SEAL impostors than ever

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On Lovefraud's Is he or she military? page, we state that 11,000 soldiers actually completed Navy SEAL training, but fraud busters have found more than 35,000 fake SEALs. Now that Navy SEALs have taken out Osama Bin Laden, there are even more frauds, including a pastor from central Pennsylvania. Don Shipley, a real ex-SEAL who exposes the fakes, says it's not unusual to find members of the clergy pretending to be former SEALs: "It's something with these guys who are in a position of trust that causes a lot of them to do it," he said. "The fact that they are in a position where whatever comes out of their mouth is believed -- I think that causes some of them to take advantage." Shipley has …

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Grooming a new generation of victims

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Yesterday I attended a family celebration in honor of my little niece's First Holy Communion. The guest of honor, my niece, is in the second grade and is a beautiful, vibrant child—blond hair, blue eyes with a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. In her white Communion dress, she looked like a little angel. It was a sunny day and a pleasant get-together. Most of the guests had left when my niece and her friend, another little girl, wanted to put on a “show” for those of us who remained. We, of course, agreed to be the audience. With a video clip from the Internet providing the music, the girls sang and danced to the song Beggin' On Your Knees by Victoria Justice. I was horri …

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BOOK REVIEW: Cold-Blooded Kindness

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Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Cold-Blooded Kindness: Neuroquirks of a Codependent Killer, or Just Give Me a Shot at Loving You, Dear, and Other Reflections on Helping That Hurts is the tongue-in-cheek title of this book by Barbara Oakley, with a foreword by David Sloan Wilson. It belies the serious research and investigation done by this remarkable, highly educated and acclaimed woman. Oakley is associate professor of engineering at Oakland University in Michigan, and her work focuses mainly on the complex relationship between neurocircuitry and social behavior. The list of her varied experiences reads like fiction ”¦ she worked for several years as a Russian language tr …

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