By Ox Drover Once upon a time there was a mother duck who hatched a large clutch of eggs. She had done this many times before and had raised her clutch of identical ducklings, all fluffy and yellow when they were born, into pristine white adults who then had clutches of their own yellow ducklings. This time, however, one of her ducklings was not yellow and fluffy like all the others. His neck was quite long and his feathers were an ugly gray color. Plus, he was quite clumsy when he walked. He was so much larger than his siblings that he sort of stuck out like a sore thumb in her otherwise identical clutch of babies. She was very puzzled about this odd baby and didn't quite know what to …
Supreme Court upholds law to keep sex offenders in jail
In 2006, Congress passed the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act, which established a civil commitment procedure to keep dangerous federal sex offenders behind bars after their sentences were complete. Some inmates challenged the law, stating that Congress had exceeded its powers, and it was overturned by a federal appeals court. Now, the Supreme Court has reversed that decision and upheld the law. Read Supreme Court upholds federal sex offender law on the Christian Science Monitor. …
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EMBRACE yourself. You are all you need to hold onto.
Seven steps to healing the lovesick heart. We've all had them. Those icky, sticky, yucky feelings of love gone wrong. The sense of loss. Of abandonment. Of feeling devalued and discarded. Of being ”˜less than' the light of love in our lover's eyes. We've all had them and sometimes, those feelings linger for longer than is healthy for us to reclaim our sense of self-worth, of beauty, of joy in our essence of being alive. EMBRACE yourself. You've got all you need to hold onto is a seven step process that guides you through letting go of the love that was (and will never be again) into loving what is and will always be within you. You. Whole and complete. Living the 3Ms of self-eMPOWERED YO …
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James Montgomery, aka Jim Montgomery, revives Major Fraud in Australia
I can't believe it. Almost five years ago, in August 2005, I blew my sociopathic ex-husband, who was impersonating a war hero, out of the water in Australia. Recently, he tried to go swimming again in the same water. For those of you who don't know the story, I launched Lovefraud because my ex-husband, James Montgomery, took a quarter-million dollars from me, cheated with at least six women during our two-and-a-half year marriage, had a child with one of the women, and then, ten days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy. One way that Montgomery was able to gain my confidence was by pretending to be a war hero. He told me that …
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The self-fulfilling prophecy
By Ox Drover My first encounter with a self-fulfilling prophecy (though I didn't call it that name) was back when I was a band-aid-covered kid learning to ride a bicycle. I kept hitting rocks on the streets on which I rode, and even though I did my best to avoid those rocks and the inevitable spills that hitting them meant, it seemed I could never miss a one. I seemed to hit them all. When I would see a rock ahead I kept my eye on it so I could avoid it, but somehow always seemed to hit the darn thing even though I was trying to be careful to avoid it. I felt like I was doomed to hit every rock on the road. One day my stepfather mentioned to me that if I would not look at the rock …
Sociopaths and “The Crying Game”
Are sociopaths who cry “sensitive sociopaths,” or just extra clever sociopaths? What's going on when sociopaths cry? Is their crying ever sincere, or always insincere? Is it ever deep, or always superficial? Always calculated, or sometimes spontaneous? In short, what's the deal with sociopaths and the crying game? There are some sociopaths—more classical, Cleckley-like sociopaths—who can “cry on demand,” by which I mean cry, as if spontaneously, from a consciously manipulative agenda. Many of these sociopaths can summon displays of emotional vulnerability, like tearful anguish and contrition, with the skill of the gifted character actor. In some cases, to extend the metaphor, some so …
Treating sexually active priests
A psychologist who treats priests was not surprised by continuing revelations of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. But there was something that surprised him: "It was a surprise for me to see how many psychopaths I met in the priesthood," Dr. Leslie Lothstein said. "Glib, callous, could say anything to you and be charming." Read A psychologist steeped in treatment of sexually active priests, on nytimes.com. Link suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
What sociopaths want: power, control and sex
The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men's physical desires. With that, both women were dumped. Read the letters here: I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they'd been used and abused. How …
Why do they kill?
Anyone who is interested in the topic of domestic violence should read Why Do They Kill? by David Adams. The book describes Adams' detailed interviews of men who were convicted of killing their partners, and women who were victims of attempted murder. The breakthrough here is that Dr. Adams' findings are in complete agreement with those of Dr. Dutton. There is now little doubt that terroristic batterers have psychopathic personality traits. Because David Adams' findings are so important I want to summarize them here, then so as not to throw too much at you at once, next week I'll relate these findings to psychopathic personality traits and explain why I would call these individuals …
The Bluebird of Happiness
By Ox Drover Today I had an epiphany: I am happy. Really happy. Joyously happy. Exuberantly happy. Why is today different that any other day? Two months ago I was unhappy. Why am I now happy? Nothing much has really changed from two months ago. I'm a few pounds lighter, but that isn't what makes me happy, though, I am working on losing some weight. My bank account is quite a bit lighter than it was two months ago, so that isn't what is making me happy. The psychopaths in my life don't like me one bit more than they did two months ago. I haven't found the love of my life riding on a white horse, or even a white donkey. What is making me happy? Well, today I saw the “Bluebird of H …