How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Sociopaths and their multiple simultaneous manipulation strategies

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  UPDATED FOR 2022: Lovefraud received the following question from a reader. She was unknowingly asking about sociopathic manipulation strategies. Here is what she wrote: My father was a nut job and so was my husband and now I am dating one — a psychopath. I just had this question — Do these men act like they do not want you around and push you away and make you feel so sad for them — making you feel like you failed them somehow — never do enough — and then suddenly you find yourself begging them to show you how much better you can do for them? I am sure the answer is yes — but I guess I just need confirmation. This reader, in one sentence, listed four different manipulation s …

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Reader’s Digest on how to spot romance scams

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Reader’s Digest just published an article on spotting and escaping romance scams. Multiple experts contributed to the article — including me. The author sent me a list of questions; my answers are below. If you’re looking for love, I do recommend that you read the entire Reade’s Digest article — besides what I submitted, it includes many more helpful tips. How to spot romance scams: 7 telltale signs to watch out for What are romance scams? There are two basic types of romance scams. The first is the online swindle, in which perpetrators find someone online, seduce the target into falling in love with them, and then convince the target to send money. Often the perps and targets never meet …

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Are sociopaths opportunists?

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UPDATED FOR 2022. Editor's note: This is Part 2 of a two-part inquiry from the Lovefraud reader whom we call “Carlotta.” She asks, "Are sociopaths opportunists?" Read Part 1, “What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?” On another note, a personal concern of mine is that I may have chosen that sociopath, not the other way around. I was walking through a department store and out of the corner of my eye I saw a man standing still facing me. I looked up and he was smiling at me. I smiled back. Then we walked in separate directions. But later we passed one another in a different area of the store. I was lost and he was again just standing there smiling at me. I smiled and …

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Why psychopathic parents engage in parental alienation

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For years, the conventional wisdom in the mental health field was that psychopathic parents abandon their children. If this is true, why do some psychopaths fight to keep their children away from the other parent? Why do they engage in parental alienation to pry the children away? Or why do they accuse the other parent of alienating them from the children? Lovefraud’s Dr. Liane Leedom led a research team a few years ago to examine the parenting behavior of psychopaths. Data are hard to come by — psychopaths often blend into society, and their children can’t articulate what they are experiencing. So Dr. Leedom took a creative approach to gathering data — the team read the memoirs of people wh …

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What if you see some signs of a sociopath, but not all of them?

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UPDATED FOR 2022. Editor's note: This is Part 1 of a two-part inquiry that Lovefraud recently received from a reader whom we'll call “Carlotta.” She asks important questions about the signs of a sociopath. I recently met and "dated" a man who turned out to be a sociopath. When I first met him I used your list of 10 signs of a sociopath to help me determine what I needed to do to protect myself if he should turn out to be a sociopath or worse. I wasn't too worried about him, because initially I noticed he had only 3 of the 10 traits. The notation with your list says if they have most or all of the traits they may be a sociopath. He turned out to be a sociopath so now I wonder if the spe …

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Scientific proof that relationships with psychopaths are bad for you

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Most of what is known about psychopaths comes from research with imprisoned criminals. Why? Because researchers can access them — they are literally a captive audience. But many psychopaths manage to stay out of prison. Psychopaths live among us and engage in the regular activities of life, including romantic relationships. Little is known about the psychopaths who stay out of prison and how they affect others. But finally, there is scientific evidence of what many of us have learned the hard way: Intimate relationships with psychopaths cause great harm to the victims. A scientific paper, Toxic Relationships: The experiences and effects of psychopathy in romantic relationships, has just b …

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With the sociopath – is it love or addiction?

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UPDATED FOR 2022. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Gianna.”  She ended her involvement with a sociopath, and now wonders if she'll ever experience such intense love again. Here's a better question: is it love or addiction? Gianna's email After extensive searches for the article already written, I've come to think I should just ask the question. Will I ever be able to love someone the way I loved the sociopath? I am 3 years out of my relationship with the man who almost destroyed me. It's taken therapy, countless books, overcoming obsession, and rebuilding myself from the ground up. I've come a long way but there is still one piece of me that is missi …

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Grandparents can also engage in parental alienation

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Parental alienation, according to Joan Kloth-Zanard, founder of PAS-Intervention.org, is one parent deliberately impeding the relationship between children and their other parent. It’s a form of psychological abuse, Kloth-Zanard says. In fact, she describes parental alienation as domestic violence by proxy. This usually occurs within the context of divorce and child custody battles. Alienating behaviors include teaching the child to fear, hate or be angry with the other parent, deliberately blocking visitation, and filing false claims of abuse or neglect. When this happens, the targeted parent may have no choice but to go to court to fight the charges and reclaim their relationship with t …

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My ex may be a confidential informant

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Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who describes her involvement with a man who may have been a confidential informant. We dated for two years although unequally yoked. The very first thing that occurred was when he initially asked me to date him and after agreeing; although I distinctly told him no Friday date this very first Friday due to me being at the library studying; as I was a studious college student maintaining a 3.5 GPA and above. However, despite both of our parents being professional college graduates, he was a high school dropout. Despite my telling him no Friday date, he approached me at the library. So, with hindsight being 20/20, I now know that was the …

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Why nothing worries the psychopath

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Psychopaths and antisocials rarely worry about what might happen, even in dire situations, and are rarely concerned about the consequences of their behavior. Why? Why is it that nothing worries the psychopath? A viewer posted the following comment on one of my Lovefraud Live! videos: Donna, can you do a video on why the sociopath acts like life is great all the time, even though he has done great evil and destroyed lives. It's like nothing scares them and life is one big carnival ride. I know a sociopath who even when facing serious criminal charges acted like he didn't have a care in the world and was still laughing and cracking jokes every day. It's disturbing when an individual has …

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