How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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After the sociopath is gone: From grief to falling in love.

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Every other week I participate in a 'one word' blog carnival. This week's word was 'grief'. Grief. A tiny word. Five letters. 'i' before 'e'. A story of precedence. What comes before grief? Love. Friendship. Familiarity. Hope. A belief in tomorrow. A belief in another day. A better day. A different time. A time for endless hello's to fill our day with promise. A time to love. And then death sweeps in and robs us of that time. That moment. Those endless hellos punctuated by good-byes that do not mean, never more, but rather, until later, until we meet again, until the next time. In death's embrace we fall and grieve for the one who was lost, for what was lost, for time lost and …

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Sociopaths exploiting your faith

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Sociopaths as much as anything exploit your faith in them”¦over and over again. In many ways this captures the essence of sociopathy in particular, and exploitation in general: The sociopath, or exploiter, seduces your faith, only then to intentionally violate it. The more seriously you take him, the more you are vulnerable; the more vulnerable you are, the more the exploiter is licking his chops. And so the sociopath, or any exploiter, wants you to take him seriously! Indeed it's his modus operandi to accumulate currency and credibility with you—the more the better, as this better ripens you, better fattens you, for the payoff he's chasing. Not all exploiters “get off' on the suffer …

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After the sociopath is gone: Your best life yet!

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There was a time when all I felt grateful for was the absence of his voice, for just an hour or two from the phone. There was a time when what I was most grateful for was knowing he was somewhere else, somewhere where I wasn't. There was a time when I was grateful not to think of him, for just a moment, or an hour, maybe even, if I was really strong, for half a day. There was a time. And now, the times have changed. The times have shifted, the sands have fallen differently, ever changing, in the hour glass of the passing of the time when he was all I thought of, all I saw, all I believed I would ever live with in my life. The times they have changed. Today I gave a presentation to a …

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Thanksgiving–count your blessings

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By Ox Drover I'm sure we have all heard the old saying, “I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet.” This “old saying” is true, though I think it is made up to inspire some guilt in us for complaining about the small things we lack and make us aware that we are fortunate to have the many blessings that we do have, which many others are not fortunate enough to have. Another one I remember is, “Eat your vegetables; there are children starving in China.” I always wondered why I couldn't just send the hated vegetables there instead of eating them. It would solve two problems: I wouldn't have to eat them, and the kids in China would be grateful for them. My son D has turne …

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BOOK REVIEW: Perfect Prey

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Lovefraud first heard from Liz Cole, author of Perfect Prey—Surviving a Cyber Shark's Romantic Fraud, back in 2007, shortly after she realized that the guy she met on the Internet was a sociopath. The guy called himself John Hill, although that wasn't his real name. Liz wrote: In my case, John presented himself as: an Irish born gentleman, well groomed, graduate degreed, retired from the Royal Marines where he performed his tour of duty in the Falkland Islands, a dutiful and tireless single parent to one daughter, aged 25 completing Medical School in Dublin, an accomplished chef and restaurateur, an accomplished sailor, multi-lingual, affectionate, old-school about e …

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Healthy Giving

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Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Ox Drover Thirty years ago I met a special lady, she was my next-door neighbor's sister-in-law. She had grown up in Italy during WWII. Her father was a “slave” to the government and worked for them. In exchange, he was given at least a limited amount of food. He loved his children and gave all the food to his children. As a consequence of giving all the food he had to his children, he became very weak and unable to work at full capacity. His masters informed him that if he continued to give the majority of the food to his children that when he became unable to w …

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When nurture becomes nature

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There comes a time when nurture becomes nature. This is the time when nurture and nature become inextricable, inseparable. I suspect nobody knows precisely when this point arrives in the development of a given individual, but the immediate ramification is this: When you are involved specifically with a sociopath, or any exploitative personality, it is imperative that you stop asking how this person became who he is? Sure, he likely endured—and was shaped by—some form of neglect or abuse growing up, and if this wasn't obvious in the history, it was still likely there. But here's the point: it doesn't matter. Not one bit. Instead, you must relinquish your empathy, compassion and cur …

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Your voice. It counts.

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When I was with the man whose lies no longer hurt me, I believed he held my freedom in his hands. I believed I could only be free with his love. With his words. His voice feeding me the lies I called the truth. The lies I believed were truth and was too afraid to uncover with my questions, with my doubt, with my fear he was telling lies. Freed of him, I know the truth. I am free when I watch my words. When I listen to my voice. When I hear my thoughts and acknowledge my presence in my life — without measuring my journey against someone else's belief they hold my freedom in their hands. It took me awhile to get here. Here to this place where I know my value is found in everything I do and s …

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Recovering from a sociopath: acceptance and focusing on now

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Lovefraud has heard from a woman who we'll call “Sally.” Sally is dealing with a sociopathic man who threatened to kill her, sabotage her daughter's career and injure other family members. She says law enforcement either doesn't believe her or doesn't care. Sally has been in touch with another of the sociopath's victims, and they've helped each other through the nightmare. Still, people in regular support groups don't believe them, and friends and family members have backed away. A lawyer and a therapist have backed away. Sally recently sent Lovefraud the following e-mail: You just can't imagine this, because I can't either. The person that was me is gone ”¦ and no one has taken her place. …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: Is there any new research on sociopaths and parenting?

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I recently received this note from a reader in Ireland: The reason I'm writing today is I have a friend who is in the same position has just recently had contact from her 2.5yr old son's sociopathic father, looking for access. She is learning all about what having a sociopathic father actually means, has read the book (Just Like His Father?), but is still unsure whether to allow it or not. What do you think? Any new research? Anything that shows clearly kids do better without contact? I do not know of any new research on this topic. We previously discussed two papers parents should be aware of; one concerns antisocial fathers and the other concerns antisocial mothers. Antisocial …

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