How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Lovefraud Blog

The getting in is easy, why’s the getting out so hard?

//  by 

If it's easy getting into a relationship with an exploiter, getting out isn't always so simple. What makes the getting out so difficult? In retrospect (if we're lucky enough to say “in retrospect”) it seems like it should have been a no-brainer. In truth there are many reasons it can be hard to leave a destructive relationship and destructive person. I've addressed several of them in previous posts, and the LoveFraud community in general has addressed this theme comprehensively. But here I'd like to consider a less-appreciated factor. I regard it as the factor of habituation. Optimally the best time to end a relationship with an exploiter is the very first signal you get that something i …

The getting in is easy, why’s the getting out so hard?Read More

Captive Audience for a Murderer

//  by //  21 Comments

When my father was released from prison in 1987 I had no idea what he was about to do. Not even close. I wanted to believe that he might be successful again, but deep down I knew the truth. My father had never really been successful, it was all a lie. He had always been a conman. But the truth can be a tricky thing in certain circumstances and my denial of that simple fact was about to lead me into 17 months as a witness to my father's killing spree that would leave four people dead. For years I had been riddled with guilt, shame, physical illnesses and repressed memories as a result of what I witnessed and learned during those 17 months. Funny thing about it today is I'm still not sure …

Captive Audience for a MurdererRead More

Welcome to Lovefraud Land

//  by //  336 Comments

By Peggywhoever Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile). This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here. Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck. See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here? You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though yo …

Welcome to Lovefraud LandRead More

Researchers want to know about your experience with a psychopath

//  by //  119 Comments

Plenty of scientific researchers have studied psychopaths. But few have studied the victims of psychopaths, so there is little documentation of what we have all been through. Perhaps that is beginning to change. Lovefraud has been contacted by a researcher from Carleton University in Ottowa, Ontario, Canada. She is conducting a study entitled Victimization, coping, and social support of adult survivors of psychopaths. The graduate student is working under the supervision of Dr. Adelle Forth, who is a colleague of Dr. Robert Hare. The purpose of the study is "to gain an understanding of the victimization experiences of adult (18+) survivors of psychopaths, in an attempt to raise awareness …

Researchers want to know about your experience with a psychopathRead More

Psychopaths in Hollywood

//  by //  67 Comments

[Hello all. I haven't contributed to lovefraud.com/blog for about six months now. That's not to say that I haven't been keeping up with things here - I have. It's just that I found that I'd got to a dead-end in my thinking on the problem of the psychopath and his prey. After some reflection I believe that I've better handle on the issues and am ready to start participating again. It may be that a book comes out of all this - who know? Thanks to Donna for her patience and encouragement.] Steve Becker raised the issue of psychopaths in movies a few months ago - I'd like to raise it again. I've been watching the second series of the TV show 'Dexter'. For those who don't know it, Dexter is a …

Psychopaths in HollywoodRead More

Overcoming barriers to moving on with adult development

//  by //  215 Comments

A relationship with a sociopath occurs within the context of a person's life. People do not stop growing and developing after adolescence. In fact, adult development is lifelong. Developmental psychologists say that early adulthood is the time that people come to grips with their needs for intimacy, love and friendship. Once this developmental dilemma of “intimacy versus isolation” is addressed, mid life adults move on to the “generativity versus stagnation” phase. Mid life is the time when people build their lives and contribute meaningfully to society. In this phase, adults seek satisfaction through productivity in career, family, and civic interests. Generative adults create a path to …

Overcoming barriers to moving on with adult developmentRead More

Lost Memories of a Sociopathic Killer

//  by //  32 Comments

I was on my knees in the family room of our home. It was about 5:00 am and I was reflecting on some journaling that I had been doing for the past few months. It was suggested that I think through everything that I had written down about my past memories to be sure that I had everything. I had been through a detox facility three months earlier to get off of pain pills a few months after having major back surgery. I had been off of the pills for three months now. I had become addicted to them and now I was “cleaning house” so that it wouldn't happen again. Suddenly, it hit me like a freight train. My initial thought, as fear began to grip my entire being, was “Oh My God”. I said this to mys …

Lost Memories of a Sociopathic KillerRead More

Meet the new Lovefraud author: Travis Vining, son of a sociopathic murderer

//  by //  19 Comments

What's it like to grow up with a father who is a sociopath—and you're not? Travis Vining knows. At least, he knows now, because when he was a child, even a young adult, he didn't know that his father, John B. Vining, was a sociopath. Travis just knew that his father was fun, charming, the coolest guy around. All Travis' friends liked his father. Travis, himself, idolized him. The Vinings were a prominent, politically connected Miami family —Travis' grandfather, E. Clyde Vining, was a real estate magnate. John B. Vining also went into real estate, and Travis grew up in a house on a lake with all the trappings of privilege. Fraud and murder But John B. Vining wasn't content with rea …

Meet the new Lovefraud author: Travis Vining, son of a sociopathic murdererRead More

Is this person a jerk, a narcissist or a sociopath?

//  by //  161 Comments

I do my best to read all of the comments on lovefraud.com because I think they are a good barometer as to what people are thinking and questioning. One recent theme/question has been the issue of the realm of jerkdom. Just what is a jerk? Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines a jerk as an annoyingly stupid or foolish person b: an unlikable person ; especially one who is cruel, rude, or small-minded. But how would a psychologist approach answering this question? Psychologists studying personality tend to fall into two categories, with members of the first category being far more numerous. The first category of psychologists is composed of trait psychologists. A trait psychologist is …

Is this person a jerk, a narcissist or a sociopath?Read More

Exploiters seek partners who dread to displease them

//  by //  677 Comments

It is no accident that narcissistic and sociopathic personalities will seek, and often successfully attract, partners who have their own issue: a tendency to dread the idea of disappointing or displeasing them. This is admittedly a generality, but it's a pattern I've observed in my clinical experience, and it makes sense. The exploiter, who regards others as existing principally to satisfy his or her wants on a continual basis, must by definition find in a mate someone who is highly motivated—and especially, highly afraid not—to satisfy him or her. Thus one often finds the pairing of an exploiter complemented by a partner who is prone, perhaps compulsively, to look inward to himself or her …

Exploiters seek partners who dread to displease themRead More