How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The New Yorker writes about researchers’ struggle to study psychopaths

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Two Lovefraud readers brought an article in the latest issue of The New Yorker magazine to my attention. It's entitled Suffering Souls—the search for the roots of psychopathy, by John Seabrook. The article starts off describing the work of a researcher, Dr. Kent Kiehl, who is using an fMRI machine to study the brains of prisoners in the Western New Mexico Correctional Facility, searching for physical indications of psychopathy. The author provides a brief history of the evolution of scientific understanding about this personality disorder, and describes today's conflicting opinions about it. Seabrook reviewed the literature and interviewed experts, including Dr. Robert Hare. All in all, t …

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When Mom or her partner is a sociopath

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It seems obvious that sociopaths make lousy parents and step parents. But the courts have not always seen it that way. One father trying to protect his daughter from a sociopathic mother was asked by a mental health professional, "So she's a liar does that make her a bad mother?" Furthermore, the texbook I use to teach forensic psychology says that professionals who evaluate parents in custody disputes "should avoid diagnostic labels" and "accentate the postitives." There seems to be a lack of clarity as to what makes an adequate parent, a good parent and a bad parent. The court also does not recognize that the biologic children of sociopaths may have special developmental needs if they …

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The getting in is easy, why’s the getting out so hard?

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If it's easy getting into a relationship with an exploiter, getting out isn't always so simple. What makes the getting out so difficult? In retrospect (if we're lucky enough to say “in retrospect”) it seems like it should have been a no-brainer. In truth there are many reasons it can be hard to leave a destructive relationship and destructive person. I've addressed several of them in previous posts, and the LoveFraud community in general has addressed this theme comprehensively. But here I'd like to consider a less-appreciated factor. I regard it as the factor of habituation. Optimally the best time to end a relationship with an exploiter is the very first signal you get that something i …

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Captive Audience for a Murderer

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When my father was released from prison in 1987 I had no idea what he was about to do. Not even close. I wanted to believe that he might be successful again, but deep down I knew the truth. My father had never really been successful, it was all a lie. He had always been a conman. But the truth can be a tricky thing in certain circumstances and my denial of that simple fact was about to lead me into 17 months as a witness to my father's killing spree that would leave four people dead. For years I had been riddled with guilt, shame, physical illnesses and repressed memories as a result of what I witnessed and learned during those 17 months. Funny thing about it today is I'm still not sure …

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Welcome to Lovefraud Land

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By Peggywhoever Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile). This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here. Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck. See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here? You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though yo …

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Researchers want to know about your experience with a psychopath

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Plenty of scientific researchers have studied psychopaths. But few have studied the victims of psychopaths, so there is little documentation of what we have all been through. Perhaps that is beginning to change. Lovefraud has been contacted by a researcher from Carleton University in Ottowa, Ontario, Canada. She is conducting a study entitled Victimization, coping, and social support of adult survivors of psychopaths. The graduate student is working under the supervision of Dr. Adelle Forth, who is a colleague of Dr. Robert Hare. The purpose of the study is "to gain an understanding of the victimization experiences of adult (18+) survivors of psychopaths, in an attempt to raise awareness …

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Psychopaths in Hollywood

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[Hello all. I haven't contributed to lovefraud.com/blog for about six months now. That's not to say that I haven't been keeping up with things here - I have. It's just that I found that I'd got to a dead-end in my thinking on the problem of the psychopath and his prey. After some reflection I believe that I've better handle on the issues and am ready to start participating again. It may be that a book comes out of all this - who know? Thanks to Donna for her patience and encouragement.] Steve Becker raised the issue of psychopaths in movies a few months ago - I'd like to raise it again. I've been watching the second series of the TV show 'Dexter'. For those who don't know it, Dexter is a …

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Overcoming barriers to moving on with adult development

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A relationship with a sociopath occurs within the context of a person's life. People do not stop growing and developing after adolescence. In fact, adult development is lifelong. Developmental psychologists say that early adulthood is the time that people come to grips with their needs for intimacy, love and friendship. Once this developmental dilemma of “intimacy versus isolation” is addressed, mid life adults move on to the “generativity versus stagnation” phase. Mid life is the time when people build their lives and contribute meaningfully to society. In this phase, adults seek satisfaction through productivity in career, family, and civic interests. Generative adults create a path to …

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Lost Memories of a Sociopathic Killer

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I was on my knees in the family room of our home. It was about 5:00 am and I was reflecting on some journaling that I had been doing for the past few months. It was suggested that I think through everything that I had written down about my past memories to be sure that I had everything. I had been through a detox facility three months earlier to get off of pain pills a few months after having major back surgery. I had been off of the pills for three months now. I had become addicted to them and now I was “cleaning house” so that it wouldn't happen again. Suddenly, it hit me like a freight train. My initial thought, as fear began to grip my entire being, was “Oh My God”. I said this to mys …

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Meet the new Lovefraud author: Travis Vining, son of a sociopathic murderer

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What's it like to grow up with a father who is a sociopath—and you're not? Travis Vining knows. At least, he knows now, because when he was a child, even a young adult, he didn't know that his father, John B. Vining, was a sociopath. Travis just knew that his father was fun, charming, the coolest guy around. All Travis' friends liked his father. Travis, himself, idolized him. The Vinings were a prominent, politically connected Miami family —Travis' grandfather, E. Clyde Vining, was a real estate magnate. John B. Vining also went into real estate, and Travis grew up in a house on a lake with all the trappings of privilege. Fraud and murder But John B. Vining wasn't content with rea …

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