It turns out that Sandy Brown, M.A. is quite correct in stating that any talk of treatment of sociopathy makes people (particularly women) reluctant to give up on a dangerous relationship. We received a note this week from a woman asking for more info about treatment and wanting to know if there was any hope for her man. He was the only man she had ever loved and she was actually still grappling with the meaning of his diagnosis. This week, I will discuss medications that can be used to treat sociopathy. But before I do I want to make it clear that I encourage people to break away from sociopaths. Remember that the sociopath's doctor and therapist will want you to stay with the sociopath …
Guidelines for posting comments on the Lovefraud Blog
In the three years since Lovefraud launched, it's grown from a website to a community. I am always amazed and appreciative that so many people are contributing. New readers arrive distraught and asking for help; other readers respond with caring and heartfelt support. People start to recover. It is beautiful to watch. Thank you all. As we post, there is an important fact that we must all keep in mind. Here it is: Linguists estimate that 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning in human communication is transmitted via nonverbal cues—tone of voice, facial expression, body language. None of these cues, of course, are available over a computer. That means when we post written comments on the L …
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Sociopaths pretending to be religious
Sociopaths like to cloak themselves in a mantel of respect. They seek careers, or pretend to have careers, in fields that people associate with good character, trustworthiness, and authority, such as law enforcement, the military and the clergy. Pursuing a career in religion or spirituality is particularly useful for sociopaths. People tend to trust religious figures simply because they are religious figures, which puts a sociopath several moves ahead when trying to scam someone. A sociopath claiming an inside track to God has a very powerful tool when it comes to manipulating people. Plus, for a sociopath, a career in the clergy is easy—the primarily visible job requirement is an a …
Book review: Antisocial Personality Disorder A Practitioner’s Guide to Comparative Treatments
I had a nice conversation with a friend today. She said that part of healing from a relationship with a sociopath is getting to the point where one realizes that sociopaths deserve pity for being disordered. In that regard, we both hope that science will progress to the point where sociopathy is preventable and fully treatable. In this blog I will discuss treatment options for those diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Following the format of the book I am reviewing, this disorder is called sociopathy or ASPD and the personality traits that give rise to the disorder are called “psychopathic personality traits.” Regarding whether sociopathy and psychopathic personality traits are …
Getting inside the head of the abusive mentality
By Steve Becker, LCSW, CH.T Editor's note: The author has a private psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and clinical consulting practice in New Jersey, USA. For more information, visit his website, powercommunicating.com. Let's get inside the head of the abusive mentality. But first let's define abuse. Abuse in a relationship reflects a pattern(s) of behavior that is manifestly (or passive-aggressively) bullying, demeaning, manipulative, intimidating, threatening, coercive, and/or restrictively controlling. The key word is pattern. Most non-abusive individuals perpetrate insensitivities from time to time that may be experienced as abusive. This may make the behavior abusive. But it is the …
8 steps to recovery from the betrayal of a sociopath
Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader; we'll call her Lisa. In one short paragraph, Lisa conveyed the betrayal, rage, pain and hopelessness that we've all felt: If a stranger broke into my house and stole all my valuables and then burned the rest. If I was left homeless and broke. I would be angry. I would be damaged. But I would recover. The person who did this slept in my bed and held me tight and told me he loved me every day. He told me that we were moving overseas and that everything should go. Stop paying the mortgage. Sell your furniture for cheap. Burn the rest. I did it. He disappeared with my jewelry and cash. I feel that I cannot recover. I am devastated. I am …
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Donald Trump doesn’t even understand con men!
Recently, Donald Trump made headlines when he publically criticized Anne Hathaway for not sticking by her boyfriend of four years, Raffaello Follieri, following his arrest for fraud and money laundering. Apparently, Trump doesn't understand the romantic con artist, but that's OK, neither did I until I was targeted by one. In spite of the best psychiatric training this country has to offer, I fell for, married and had a son with a con man. I filed for divorce when following his arrest, I realized his true nature. So when Trump chastises Hathaway, he also chastises me and other women who have fallen for con men. In the wake of the destruction left by the con man, I looked within myself for …
Mental health professionals: Name the disorder. Please.
Most of the time we spend with sociopaths is spent in confusion. They tell us that they love us, while they cheat on us and take our money. They tell us that everything will be wonderful while our lives are falling apart. They tell us they're sorry and will never do it again, yet they do it again, and again, and again. We ask ourselves—what in the world is going on here? They explain it all away. The explanation seems to make sense. But something still isn't right, and they still don't stop the behavior that makes us believe we are losing our minds. There must be a reason. We wonder if they're depressed, or bipolar, or they have low self-esteem. We've been told that they were abused as c …
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After the sociopath is gone: Loving being me.
When the sociopath was arrested and I awoke to the devastation around me, I was overwhelmed with one, undeniable truth. I was alive. I didn't think it was possible. Hadn't believed it would happen. I had spent so long in those final months wanting to die, wishing I could, thinking of ways to make it happen and waiting for him to make it happen, I couldn't believe I actually was alive. Yet, I was. How could that be? What was I supposed to do with this unexpected gift of a lifetime? In Jackie Nink Pflug's book, Miles to Go Before I Sleep, her survivor's story of being shot in the head by terrorists and left for dead when the plane she was on from Athens to Cairo was hijacked, she …
Psychopaths in everyday life
In honor of the 4th of July we celebrate but also reflect on how to make our nation and world a better place. I therefore thought it would be fitting to review for you a book, Psychopaths in Everyday Life, by Robert W. Rieber. I highly recommend the book to readers who have some background in psychology. The book explains Dr. Rieber's view of psychopathy and also discusses how psychopathy relates to what he calls “Social Distress Syndrome.” He says that America is plagued by this Social Distress Syndrome and therefore is breeding psychopaths/sociopaths. First Dr. Rieber's view on psychopathy. I was also fortunate to meet with Dr. Rieber to discuss his ideas in detail. He has interviewed ma …