There is a form of writing which has been shown to have remarkable effects on research subjects' well-being, social functioning, and cognitive abilities. The best-known of the scientists who study 'expressive writing' is James W. Pennebaker, chair of the Department of Psychology at the University of Texas. Pennebaker and several others around the world have found that a short series brief exercises of this particular form of writing about emotional upheavals can improve physical and mental health. An early study In his accessible book Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions (free chapter here) Pennebaker describes an early experiment. Fifty students were asked to …
Help for healing from the devastation of a sociopath
Many people have asked Lovefraud to suggest a treatment program to help them overcome the personal devastation of a relationship with a sociopath. A friend of Lovefraud, Sandra L. Brown, M.A., offers a program for women who are recovering from such debilitating encounters. Sandra Brown is the author of How to Spot a Dangerous Man, which was reviewed in a previous blog post. The book describes eight types of dangerous men—most of them are sociopaths, or partial sociopaths. Brown then explains how women override their internal warning signals and get involved with these men, even when their instincts are shouting, "Run away!" If you've been in a relationship with a sociopath, at some p …
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Political Ponerology: An idea for our times
"Whether you know it or not, each and every day your life is touched by the effects of psychopathy on our world. You are about to learn that even if there isn't much we can do about geological and cosmological catastrophe, there is a lot we can do about social and Macrosocial evil, and the very first thing to do is to learn about it. In the case of psychopathy and its effects on our world, what you don't know definitely can and will hurt you." (p. 9, Political Ponerology) One thing I like about teaching at a University is that I am exposed to a lot of new ideas. Also I am not one who has to agree with everything a person says, to appreciate the good ideas he/she has. With that thought, I …
Psychopaths’ cat and mouse game
Editor's note: This article was submitted by Steve Becker, LCSW, CH.T, who has a private psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and clinical consulting practice in New Jersey, USA. For more information, visit his website, powercommunicating.com. Have you ever seen a cat toy with a stunned, cornered mouse? How it will capture the mouse, dangle it in its mouth for a while, release it momentarily, allowing the mouse the pretense of an escape, only to recapture it, dangle it some more from its mouth, perhaps release it again briefly, now to watch the mouse, increasingly frantic, make another escape bid, only to recapture it, now letting the terrorized mouse (and, as if it's fate) dangle yet some more, …
On rumination
Not surprisingly given the painful experiences many readers have experienced living with psychopaths, letters to Lovefraud describe much troublesome rumination. This week and next I will be describing a two-pronged way of thinking about the problem of rumination - why it's harmful to deal with these matters this way and next week (sorry to delay it) a very way that psychologists have found for processing such things. Disclaimer You will appreciate that I am not in a position to give psychological advice in this forum. What follows is not a recommendation but rather a way to think about what's involved when one ruminates. If it makes sense to you please discuss it with a mental health …
Sociopaths use our own dreams to seduce us
Not long ago, a woman from the Philippines contacted Lovefraud. She had been involved in a long-distance relationship (LDR) with an American man whom she met over the Internet. This woman, we'll call her Juanita, fell in love with the guy, even though she never met him in person. Juanita sent her story to Lovefraud—a shortened version is reproduced below. But first, a bit of background. Juanita is separated from her husband and has a child. But although she'd like to find a new husband, she is trapped, because divorce is not legal in the Philippines. Looking for companionship, she turned to the Internet—which is what thousands of Filipinas do. In fact, the mail-order bride business, ma …
The fantasy of magic moments with sociopaths
Editor's note: The following essay was submitted by a Lovefraud reader. Snapshots By AlohaTraveler In our lifetime, we hope to capture the best moments of our lives in pictures. We keep albums of our family events, weddings, births, first dates, proposals, holidays, vacations, and so on. There is another kind of snapshot that keeps many of us longing for our sociopaths. These are the “snapshots” we hold in our minds. They are the ideal moments, the perfect words, the heightened romance that so many of us felt when we were being seduced by a sociopath. Browsing through my mental album, I see a snapshot of myself and the Bad Man, as I call him, passionately kissing in Safeway next to …
Valentine’s Day can be tough for victims of love fraud
As a victim of love fraud, I have two reactions to Valentine's Day. First, I hate the thought of all those sociopaths out there male and female, who are using this day to lock in their next victims. Early in relationships, sociopaths present themselves as great partners. They certainly don't pass up the chance to pour on the charm on a day like Valentine's Day. Furthermore, since they can be very focused on sex, Valentine's Day is an opportunity for them to score. My vision of Valentine sociopaths includes those who are simultaneously wooing more than one victim. Perhaps we should consider whether Valentine's Day should also be named “Love Fraud Awareness Day.” My second reaction to Val …
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BodyMind
Last week I asked whether there might be physical consequences to life with a psychopath. Judging from the many and fascinating reader responses it seems that many people suspect that these relationships have indeed affected their health. Boldily pains, chronic anxiety, eating disorders, weight fluctuations, difficulties with sleep, headaches - all these and more either started or worsened at the time of the relationships. Some ailments straight away resolved themselves when the relationship ended, others linger. Before I give a brief conceptualisation of a linkage between life events and physical health I must clarify terms. I am not talking here about hypochondria, imagining and and …
If you’re vulnerable, sociopaths will pounce
Last week Lovefraud posted a new True Lovefraud Story about a con artist named Dennis SanSeverino. The creep pretended to be loving and rich long enough to convince his victim to trust him. Then he took her home and inheritance. This story is a classic case of a sociopath targeting the vulnerable. When the victim, Trish Rynn, met SanSeverino, she had just endured a difficult breakup with her boyfriend. In the months that they got to know each other—Rynn initially refused his many dinner invitations—he must have been listening intently as she chatted about her life. Rynn's ex-husband was physically abusive. After the marriage ended, Rynn spent 10 years in court fighting child custody and …