Editors note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Lorraine19." I married my husband after one year of dating. He was charming and funny I knew he wasn’t always the nicest of guys but he was never out right mean. Well I guess he was but I didn’t take it that way I just assumed I had done something wrong. I didn’t even realize until 25 years later when he cheated on me, and blamed me for cheating on me, that I wasn’t crazy. Throughout our whole marriage he never once apologized. He never once thought he had to and he never once thought he was wrong. Everything he did was the fault of mine. I had caused it, I had made him react, I had done it, I had …
Avoiding narcissistic abuse and PTSD during the holidays
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M. ED, BSC/MT “Do not just slay your demons. Dissect them and find what they’ve been feeding on.”—The Man Frozen in Time Angela was married to a personality disordered husband. She was already traumatized by the threat of danger with each day that she continued a relationship with him. With the prompting and help of her friend, a clergyman, she filed for divorce. As the divorce was unfolding, her siblings, as was custom throughout the years, continued to demand her presence at all family functions. She had young children, and knew that she should not subject them to the heavy drinking and other activities not appropriate for them. Whenever Angela had …
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Sociopath at work: Taking credit for an artist’s talent and creativity
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from Curt Chiarelli, who is a designer, sculptor, illustrator and author who's worked in the motion picture/television, toy/collectible, video game and museum exhibit industries for over 30 years. The photos show Curt's work that the sociopath he describes attempted to plagiarize. Things that Go Bump Behind the Backstage Curtain By Curt Chiarelli According to the ancient druids, Samhain is the season when the membrane between our world and the nether realm becomes dangerously thin. In the cursed places of the earth, portals would sometimes open and allow monsters to slip through to terrorize mankind. And although it is of monsters …
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What is sociopathic abuse by proxy?
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, BSC/MT If you have had the misfortune of dealing with a sociopath in your life, you are well acquainted with many of their abuse strategies that left you feeling you are like a deer in the headlights, taken by surprise and knocked off your feet. However, there are times when sociopaths do not come straight at you on their own, but employ third parties to carry out their control tactics to ensure you are complying with their demands on a continual basis. This is called abuse by proxy. Why does the sociopath employ third parties? There may be several reasons why the sociopath doesn't use direct tactics with you. You may have inflicted narcissistic …
After the sociopath, I have recovered but I’m still scarred for life
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Andrea19." I married a sociopath who charmed me when I was at a very lonely & depressed time in my life. After only a few months of knowing him, we ended up married. He was younger than me and seemed to have it together. Very handsome, quiet & smart. I had just lost a family member and was devastated & grieving. Our relationship consisted of very high highs and very low lows, it was like being on a roller coaster. I was walking on egg shells all the time and felt in some ways that I had disappeared. His words were cruel & condescending when speaking of his ex, or anyone else he …
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Forgiveness and sociopathic abusers — what the Bible says
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED. BSC/MT As a Christian, I am required to forgive someone if they repent from their misdeeds. Genuine repentance means that a person completely refuses to engage in former abusive behaviors, especially when it comes to how that person behaves with you. Humility is required of all human beings in determining that we many have hurt someone by something we have said or done. Are we required to keep forgiving abusers? In the Bible, God is clear about the requirements for forgiveness. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the …
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After the sociopath, I have finally found who I was meant to be
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader. Names have been changed. My name is Elisa. I was born in Central America. I lived in my native country until I was 18. I was raised by my two parents. As an adult I have identified that every male role model in my family was a narcissist, including my dad and grandparents. I went to school in Texas. I had two boyfriends prior to my college days, which by studying all the information I can diagnose them with either narcissistic tendencies or BPD. Male figures with these characteristics where what normal was for me. I didn't know better. During my freshman year I met Tom — he was my brother's roommate. I found him …
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How did your family member become mind controlled by a sociopath?
Perhaps you're a heartbroken mother or father, worried sick about your adult child, who is entangled with a sociopath and becoming more and more distant. Or perhaps you're an adult child, afraid that the new person in the life of your mother or father is an exploiter, angling for your parent's assets. Whether it's a family member or friend, it's painful to see someone you care about being mind controlled by a human predator. And you wonder, how did this happen? Here are some points to help you understand the process. Essentially, sociopaths —people with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorder — take advantage of the characteristics that …
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16 sociopathic quirks — what have you seen?
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed BSC/MT While engaged the struggle with toxic people, I kept a subconscious diary of behaviors, words, movements and facial expressions for various types of sociopaths that I encountered in my life. Perhaps you have observed the polar opposite of my top 16 list. Maybe you have some more you would like to add? Please feel free to comment below. 1 . They are binge-watchers of shows/movies about sociopaths, psychopaths and oversexed women. Some examples: Dexter, Sherlock, The Godfather, Sex and the City, Breaking Bad. You get the idea. These programs glorify their disorder. I believe it validates their behaviors. Perhaps they are picking up on new ideas on …
Sociopathic seduction: Three months of romance, then it falls apart
Editor's note: Lovefraud received this story from a European woman whom we'll call, "Johanna." I met a man in Facebook. He wasn't my friend but started to write his thoughts, which were so ideal, beautiful and intriguing. He idealized woman and described how he would spend time with woman by loving her so deeply. I analyzed his writings because I was recognizing some depression or bitterness in his writings. It was unusual writings from man. I was a specialized nurse and also specialized in depression. Man was a bit irritated when I did that and I promised not to analyze his writings any longer. He told he was working in high rank in the army. (He did.) But as the writings …
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