By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BC Pseudomutuality describes a relationship between two people in which conflicts are solved by ignoring them. Following is a case study of how pseudomutuality in the narcissistic family plays out. Names are changed. Heather’s memory of her mother Ever since Heather can remember, her family was the center of her world. Every special event was spent with immediate and extended family members. Holiday gatherings were commonplace and Sunday dinners were mandatory. Heather never entertained the idea of having something else to do, like going on a trip or exploring alternate plans. Her mother established a “tradition” of having everyone together. Her …
When leaving an abusive marriage, forget the ‘should’
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she reminds us that leaving an abusive marriage isn't a failure, it's a success. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. There’s a swear word that is often used by people who have just separated from their life partner. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t start with “F.” The word is “should.” Conversations with our inner voice often follow this script: “I should have been a better wife/husband/partner,” “I should have tried harder/stayed longer/left earlier” and “I should just get over it/stop drinking/move on.” But there …
When leaving an abusive marriage, forget the ‘should’Read More
Use Your Power of Choice to Recover from the Sociopath
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, reminds you that you have the power of choice, and you can use it to recover from the sociopath. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest I know how it is to feel trapped. I know how it is to feel helpless. Powerless. Like there's no way out, and nowhere to go even if you could get "out" (wherever that is or whatever that means). It's so easy to go with the negative thoughts and believe that you're stuck. But it is only a belief. And the beauty of that - and the power in that - is that you can change your beliefs. And with that, you can change your feelings - and you …
Use Your Power of Choice to Recover from the SociopathRead More
Traumatized again by family court cross-examination
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she explains how abusive family court cross-examination affects people who are already traumatized. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. In 2019 the Australian family law act was amended so that perpetrators of family violence can no longer cross-examine their ex-partners in court. Instead cross-examination must now be conducted by a legal representative of the party. This is a great step forward in the fight to protect family violence survivors from being re-traumatised. But does it go far enough? Family violence and the …
Traumatized again by family court cross-examinationRead More
How to Cope with Residual Anger Toward a Sociopath
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, offers advice on handling your feelings of anger toward a sociopath. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest When your life has been derailed by a sociopath, it is natural to experience strong emotions such as anger, indignation, betrayal - even rage. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s good to express it or release it - and to be sure to do it in a way that doesn’t cause harm to anyone. It’s also perfectly natural to feel like you want to get even, or to wish that the sociopath would get a taste of his/her own medicine. Although it is understandable to feel this way, it will …
Abused immigrant: He lures her to the U.S. and then beats her
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Mariana20" about her experience as an abused immigrant. English is not her first language. I met George online he 20 years older than me. He travelled to the Brazil and met me. He is a businessman and smart guy, I was in love with him. He made a lot promises. I work with him and he took care of me. We met in Brazil he bought a promise ring, and invited me to live in United States with him. I accepted. We get married After 4 months I married him because I was without green card. The day about the wedding he said for me to sign a prenup and a lot humiliation and same I signed. He didn’t marry me. He …
Abused immigrant: He lures her to the U.S. and then beats herRead More
What do toxic bosses and toxic spouses have in common?
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she points out the big similarity between toxic bosses and toxic spouses. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. A “toxic” boss can be described in broad terms as being self-centred, controlling (or micro-managing), manipulative and threatened by initiative. Toxic workplaces are generally characterised by in-fighting, mistrust, lack of communication and high turnover. Mis-managers enjoy pitting employees against one another, making empty promises, stealing the limelight and blaming poor performance on their employees. A “toxic” …
What do toxic bosses and toxic spouses have in common?Read More
Broadsided by a sociopath, you develop inner strength because you must
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, reminds you that inner strength isn't automatic — you develop inner strength because you need to. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest There's a big difference between intelligence and ability, and knowledge and experience. Intelligence and ability speak about your potential; knowledge and experience speak about how far you've come in reaching it. Both ability and experience help you develop inner strength — especially difficult experiences. It's a gradual process. When you were born, you couldn't understand a word. You couldn't lift your head. You had no sense that you …
Broadsided by a sociopath, you develop inner strength because you mustRead More
Anxious after encountering the narcissistic ex
Editor's note: Following is an email exchange that I had with a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call, "Susana21." She describes encountering the narcissistic ex, and how it affected her. Susana 21 writes: After a long and difficult relationship, I finally ended things and, even though my logic had been screaming at me to do it years sooner, it took my heart a few more years and MUCH pain before it finally caught up. I was doing No Contact and was finally starting to feel better. Finally. !! And then ... A few weeks ago, totally by coincidence, I was leaving a store and a car pulled up beside me. My narcissist. If the situation was reversed, I would have totally ignored him and kept …
Move Forward in the New Year, from Goodbyes to Big Dreams
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, encourages you to let Spirit help you move forward in the New Year. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest Another year draws to a close. Always a mixed blessing, isn't it? It will have been a year of both good and bad times. Unfortunately, many people focus on the bad ones and minimise the good. And perhaps this is the year that you ended a toxic relationship, or have continued recovering from one that ended some time ago, and those painful memories still bubble up now and then. Thank heaven we are resilient healing beings, especially if we choose to move past whatever …
Move Forward in the New Year, from Goodbyes to Big DreamsRead More