How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Inside the mind of a killer: What caused Hawkins to snap?

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Yesterday a 19 y/o man named Robert Hawkins entered the Westroads Mall in Omaha, Nebraska with an AK-47 assault rifle and killed eight people before killing himself. News commentators have been discussing what happened and several are discussing the question of whether he was depressed and taking antidepressants. I think people feel better blaming antidepressant medication for these incidents because it is too frightening to accept that there are so many sociopaths (with the potential for violence) living among us. Hawkins apparently had no arrest record prior to this event and was not known to be violent. At the time of the shooting he was living with the mother of a high school friend, …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: That was horrible, but the worst was yet to come

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Editor's note: How can one woman cope with cheating, abandonment, cruelty and worse? A Lovefraud reader has sent the following letter, and would appreciate your insight and advice. I was the perfect victim for the man who has fathered two of my children, having just gotten out of a relationship with a previous sociopath (power and control was that guy's motivation and he was cruel, vicious person behind closed doors). I was insecure, looking for a person with integrity and morals, and I still believed in the general goodness of mankind. The first sociopath hadn't smashed my general outlook on life, though, and I was rising to the challenges I faced. The second one has, though. He was the …

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Media profiles psychopaths without identifying them

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One con artist called himself Luc Sonnet. He claimed to be a fine artist who studied with Picasso and sold his paintings to wealthy international clients for as much as $250,000. The other con artist, Robert Freegard, claimed to be a British spy. He tracked international terrorists. Both of these con artists were profiled in the media on Sunday, December 2. The Philadelphia Inquirer newspaper began its story about Luc Sonnet, whose real name was Richard Grossman, on the front page. The story continued inside for three more full pages. Dateline, the investigative reporting television show produced by NBC News, told the story of Robert Freegard, a Brit who abducted an American woman …

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Writing out the sociopathic experience heals my life today

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I don't spend a lot of time writing about ”˜what happened' while I was with the sociopath. What happened cannot be changed. What can change is how I treat myself today. What I do today to create the beautiful life I deserve. In that process, I write about the triggers from the past that sometimes erupt and their impact on my life today. I find too much ruminating over what happened in the there and then affects my here and now. It holds me back from living each moment of my day with joyful abandon. Recently, however, a producer approached me about taking my book, The Dandelion Spirit, and turning it into a movie. Wow. Cool. Weird. Love it, even though part of me is scared it's just a jo …

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Choosing a love partner? Beware of The Dark Triad

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Choosing a life partner is the most difficult task young adults face. Furthermore, due to mistakes in choices, older adults also find themselves single and choosing again. The desire to have a life partner comes from our needs for sex and companionship; but, given how difficult it is to compete in society, the desire for a mate also may be influenced by more practical matters. In choosing a mate, sexual attractiveness, compatibility and social status all factor in to the equation. To avoid a mistake, then, it is necessary to be aware how sexual attractiveness, compatibility and social status influence our choices, and to couple this awareness with an understanding of the qualities that make …

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Is there any constructive, legal action to take against sociopaths?

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Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader: My psychologist referred me to this web site. It's terrific save one section: How can running away from these people be the only solution? Granted, it's a stop-gap solution to protect yourself from future abuses; however, it's not a solution for full/final resolution. Allowing [them] to perpetuate their endeavors and perpetrate them on others only permits proliferation. Please tell me that there is some constructive, legal way to be proactive and preventative in a more communal fashion. I have visions of: 20 years from now they rule the world. It won't be survival of the fittest. It will have become survival of the …

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Be wild at heart after the sociopath is gone

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Finding what we lost after coming out from the turmoil of a relationship with a sociopath can be daunting. Healing from these encounters takes time. Yet, we have a tendency to believe we should be able to get over it, be done, and finished with the hurting within a pre-determined schedule carefully marked on the calendar page. As if healing from an emotional rape has a timeline and can be accomplished by following the direct line from A to Z. There is no alphabet encoded path to healing from these encounters. No step by step process that states do this and in 23 days you will be healed. I used to hate the word, 'organic'. As in, the process is organic. Since getting free from his abuse, …

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Psychopaths and sociopaths teach us about the importance of love bonds

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I've been reviewing scientific studies for my next book on sociopathy and have found some fascinating research. A technology called fMRI enables scientists to monitor brain activity when people feel different emotions or do various tasks. A recent study has demonstrated that people high in trait sociopathy (psychopathy in the paper), experience no pleasure when cooperating with someone else, and no guilt at pursuing selfish goals at another's expense. Furthermore, when a sociopath gets over on someone his pleasure center lights up with activity. I know, we already knew this, but it is nice that scientists have correlated sociopathic behavior with specific brain areas. Love and moral …

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Love in the aftermath of a sociopathic encounter

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Life continually delivers up opportunities to grow, to learn, to shift my perceptions, to experience new things, to embrace new ideas, to let go and let change happen. Since the sociopath has been gone from my life, the lessons I've embraced are ones that support me. They're lessons that enrich my life with love and laughter. I've been dating C.C. for four months now. Known him for three years. I know who he is. I know his values. His beliefs. I know he is true. And still, sometimes, I feel the fear of the past haunting me. Recently, I stayed late at the office trying to clear up a project I need to have finished by the end of the month. It was dark by the time I got home, but the house …

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Most cheaters are amateurs; sociopaths are professionals

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Lovefraud recently received a very nice e-mail from the editor of HowToDoThings.com, complimenting the information provided by Lovefraud. She suggested that an article from her website might be of interest to Lovefraud readers. It is called How To Recognize the Signs of Cheating Men. I checked out the article. Now, I mean absolutely no disrespect to HowToDoThings.com, but the article describes cheating by mere amateurs, not sociopaths. Signs of a cheating man According to the article, all of the following should raise a woman's suspicions that her guy might be cheating: 1. He improves his personal appearance. 2. He finds fault with you. 3. Your sex life changes. 4. He uses a …

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