How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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(Given what you’ve learned the hard way) what’s your attitude like?

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It could be argued that the sociopath is cynical: contemptuous; mocking; concerned only with his own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them - the opposite of idealistic. And there is a danger that one who has learned the hard way about sociopaths becomes jaded: dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blasé, apathetic - the opposite of fresh. The online version of the Guardian newspaper runs a series in which readers provide their responses to 'Ethical conundrums'. Given the nature of our interests on this blog, this one caught my eye: Is it worse to be cynical or jaded? …

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TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: He wanted me to keep playing his bitch

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a 24-year-old woman, a graduate student. He told me he was all I needed; he told me that he was the only person who cared. He told me my friends hated me because they were so mad at me because I got sick. He told me they were just all bitches like all of the other girls in the world. Like his ex-girlfriends, like his mother, like (me). I had no idea that sociopaths existed. I thought that "sociopath" was only a word thrown about on TV, late night news, America's Most Wanted. My therapist told me that my ex-boyfriend is one of the worst sociopaths that she has heard about in her 12 years of practice. Abuse starts slow The …

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What the sociopath experience has taught me

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Recently, I had a run-in with someone who displays traits of a bully. Because of my experience with the sociopath, the abuser no longer in my life, I didn't get bullied by his assertions that he was in the right and I was wrong, wrong, wrong -- not to mention stupid. Now, it is disconcerting to have an encounter of this sort. It is never pleasant to have someone yelling at me, or telling me I'd better do what they say, or else. In the case of this individual, the 'or else' was connected to his assertion he had the power to ruin my life in this city because, 'he knows people'. He and his dad are connected and all it would take is one phone call, and wham! I wouldn't know what hit me. Once …

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Nothing says “I’m sexy” like an automatic weapon

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Allow me to introduce the "Babe" who could be Drew Peterson's next wife. She is Kumari Fulbright, a young lady who participated in the Miss Arizona pageant as Miss Pima County in 2005, and Miss Desert Sun in 2006, who also reportedly serves as a law clerk for U.S. District Judge Raner Collins. Here, she is pictured as Miss May in a calendar for Subguns.com (www.title2media.com, photo used with permission). See ABC News for the complete story. But Drew Peterson and the rest of you guys had better watch out because sweet little Kumari "is accused, along with three men, of tying up her 24-year-old ex-boyfriend with plastic cable and duct tape, and holding him captive for hours in two …

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A female serial killer

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The Deccan Herald newspaper in Bangalore, India reports on the arrest of a female serial killer, 43 year old Mallika. The story can be read here and here. Serial killers are actually very rare creatures, and the female of the species is truly unusual. Perhaps that is good reason not to make a big deal about something so rare. One thing, though, caught my eye and made me think lovefraud readers may be interested too. I'll summarise the story and you tell me what you think. Here's what raised my eyebrow She allegedly committed all the murders single-handedly and for gain. She is no psychopath, the commissioner said. …

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BOOK REVIEW: The Other Mrs. Jordan

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"I should write a book." Many people have said this in describing their unbelievable, shocking and downright bizarre experiences with a sociopath to Lovefraud. Mary Turner Thomson of Edinburgh, Scotland, did just that. Thompson's book is called The Other Mrs. Jordan—A True Story of Bigamy and Betrayal. It will have you shaking your head in disbelief—and nodding your head in understanding. If you've been thoroughly deceived by a sociopath, elements of Thomson's story will be very familiar to you. Perfect gentleman Mary Turner Thomson was a 35-year-old single mother when the sociopath, Will Jordan, wormed his way into her life. Of course, at the time, Thomson did not know the guy was …

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What does the psychopath ‘do’ with this diagnosis?

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LoveFraud reader buzzibee raises some important issues in a recent comment. How does a tested and proven psychopath usually respond to being told “You have a mental disorder. You are characteristically a psychopath”? Are [they] so arrogant to dispute a medical diagnosis that they have a mental disorder? Do they display any desire to learn more about the disorder and at any point admit to it? In order to be diagnosed as a psychopath, a person needs a score of 30 out of a possible 40 on the Psychotherapy Checklist-Revised test (PCL-R). This is a very time-consuming test which only trained personnel can administer, so by and large only prisoners and research subjects are likely to have it. …

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Brain researcher puts his finger on the nature of psychopathy

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The journal Nature has an article on neurological research being done in the Netherlands on psychopaths' empathy or lack thereof. The researcher, Christian Keysers, is primarily interested in the neurology of empathy and so wants to compare regular folks with two groups characterised by problems with empathy: autistics and psychopaths. Do psychopaths cut off the emotional component of empathy when mirroring the other person's emotions begins, or fail to mirror the emotions of others completely? When identifying with the victim or the perpetrator, which areas of the brain are activated in those who are normally vs abnormally empathic? The article can be downloaded here. What interests me …

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The gift of fear: After the sociopath is gone.

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When I first got my life back after the sociopath was arrested, I was terrified of becoming angry. Anger to me was my father raging. Anger was the sociopath standing before me with fist raised, eyes blazing, teeth bared. Anger never stopped. Anger was forever. And so, I feared my anger. I had to learn that anger does end -- when I let it out -- safely and with feeling. One hot sunny day a couple of months after his arrest, a girlfriend, who had also come out of an abusive relationship, and I took 4 dozen eggs to the top of a cliff and threw them with all our might onto the rocks below. Before we hurled them we sat and drew pictures and words onto each egg -- pictures and words I had always …

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“Nothing says I love you like a Glock”

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I was going about the morning as usual, working on my next book, with CNN on in the background, when I heard what has to be the sociopathic quote of the year, "Nothing says I love you like a Glock." I have not shared much about my own experience with a sociopath, but one of the things I am most ashamed of is that I did not react more strongly to my former husband's preoccupation with guns. He did not personally own any gun, but he talked about them a great deal, and he was very persistent about the idea that I should learn how to shoot. He also wanted me to own a hand gun. I did take the NRA gun safety course and I learned how to shoot. I have to say, target practice was fun and I was good …

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