UPDATED FOR 2020 You're in meltdown. You've come to the conclusion that you've been involved with a sociopath, and that everything this person told you was a lie, from the details of his or her life to the proclamations of undying love. Now it all makes sense. Now you understand how the unbelievable headiness of the whirlwind romance (love bombing) morphed into the silent treatment, unexplained absences and unprovoked rages (devalue and discard). You have discovered the truth: The person you fell in love with never existed. Everything you saw and experienced was an act designed to exploit you. You are crushed. Overwhelmed by disappointment and betrayal, the emotional pain is …
Creepy vibe leads to discovery of ex-wives and criminal history
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call Cathy20. Names are changed. I was 28 years old and widowed from my husband of 10 years. I met a man from NY via POF. He was 38. He told me he had a place, car and construction business in NY. He told me he had been widowed on 9/11, also from his long term gf of 8 years Stephanie, never married and she had 2 children, girls who he helped raise. He showed me tattoo memorials of them — Stephanie, Rachel and Allison. I had 4 small children and little support system but just found out I was to receive life insurance and social security. For 3 months it was bliss, other than I noticed he drank all-out. He t …
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How to find love after the sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2020 A girl walks into a bar. A band was playing and the place was packed, so there were no empty bar stools. The girl had had a rough few years. First she married a man who turned out to be a con artist that took all her money. Then she dated a guy who wasn't a con artist, but broke her heart. A tall, nice-looking man leaned against the bar. He offered the girl a place to put her coat. Then he offered to buy the girl a drink. She accepted. They chatted. They danced. And they lived happily ever after. This story is true. The girl is me, and this happened on April 28, 2001, when I met Terry Kelly, the man who became my husband. Did I know on that day that I had …
How narcissists use COVID-19 against their targets
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS "When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser"--Socrates It comes as no surprise to me that during this "crisis" of COVID-19, narcissists capitalize on the misfortune of others and use the quarantine to take their abuse and lack of respect to new heights. Divorced and separated individuals are especially susceptible to the narcissist’s pathological rage during a time like this. Let’s examine an example of a narcissist using the crisis as leverage. Rob’s ex-spouse wants 100% custody Rob has children under the age of 11. Rob has partial custody and had maintained this custody arrangement for years, but not without a fight. Rob is a hard …
New! Best of the Lovefraud Blog Series
Understanding the Sociopath explains, in plain language, the 12% of the population who do not play by the same rules of life as the rest of us. These master manipulators, who have antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders, seem normal at first, but their objective is to use and exploit us. Seduced by a Sociopath explains how millions of people pursuing romantic relationships are charming, affectionate, passionate — and fake. These deceptive sociopaths pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation. Learn how they convince you to fall for them, so you can spot the charade and escape. Dealing with a Sociopath explains how to i …
Kidnapped by sociopathic ex-husband; suffering complex PTSD
Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call, "Caroline20." I'm a 53-year old divorced woman diagnosed with complex PTSD as a result of four years of ongoing abuse by my ex-husband. I had known him for fifteen years and though he had some substance abuse problems, which resulted in our divorce in 2003, his abusive behavior did not truly come out until our reconciliation in 2011. When we got back together he had four years of sobriety and I was thrilled that we would have another chance to be together because I had never gotten over him. It turned into a four-year nightmare within less than a month. He choked me unconscious over a minor …
Kidnapped by sociopathic ex-husband; suffering complex PTSDRead More
Is the corona virus a psychopath?
By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW The current global crisis has me thinking of you, and how folks in relationships with personality disordered people face special challenges during this pandemic emergency. Before we talk about that, let's think about how the novel coronavirus is similar to something less novel to you: the tricky, toxic patterns of folks with anti-social, narcissistic, and borderline personality problems. Listen to Amber Ault discuss Domestic Violence During Lockdown on the Insights with Dick Goldberg podcast Here's what comes to mind for me: 1. Novel coronavirus is parasitic --- exploiting the very life of a human being who was minding their own damned business when the virus …
Fighting the sociopathic con man — and winning
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Lisa20." Names are changed. What happens in Vegas really should stay in Vegas. Unfortunately I didn't take this advice. I was taken to Las Vegas almost exactly one year from the day that my husband died suddenly in a ski accident and left me a widow with two young children. The trip was my "New Years". I made March 1 my new year, the date I was going to make an effort to stop living in the past and move forward emotionally and personally. The man who called himself Alain literally walked into my life while I was sitting in a lounge with my two girlfriends. I didn't see him but he saw me, came up to …
How to remain calm and collected during family court cross-examination
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/The7JfNwjF8"] If you will be facing an abusive ex during family court cross-examination, your emotional state is probably somewhere between apprehensive and terrified. You know how he or she twists the truth. You may have discovered that your ex's attorney is just as bad. But when they make unfounded accusations against you, will you be able to remain calm and collected so you can refute their lies? Yes — if you are prepared. Lovefraud's upcoming webinar will help you prepare: Take back your throne: Reclaim your power in family court cross-examination Presented by Attorney Caroline Solo Wednesday, March 18, 8 - 9 pm ET Thursday, March 19, 10 - 1 …
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My husband used me to create the perfect image while he chased transvestites
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Marilyn20." It's coming up a year ago since the world as I knew it changed. I had been with my husband for 14 years and married for just under 6. As far as I was aware, he suffered from depression. He didn't think he needed help, but eventually he went on medication. He wasn't easy to live with, but what kind of person would I be if I didn't support my husband who was depressed? He had his own business hut told me he hated what he was doing. I helped him find alternative types of income, but spent more time running it than he did. For 3 years he only earnt enough money to cover his luxuries. …
My husband used me to create the perfect image while he chased transvestitesRead More