How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The narcissist discarded me every year for 11 years

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Angie19." I was involved with my narcissist for a little more than 11 years, for which 4-6 months out of each year he would discard me. The process would start out with him giving me enough rope to hang myself by pushing the buttons he knew would get me to say something he could later use to “play victim” and claim “it always comes back to this” or “why, every time, do we have to go thru this.” It would be followed up with the standard guilt trip, topped off by demeaning me, which he was very good at doing. He had a talent to be very hurtful with very few words. He would continue this beat-down unti …

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Can a relationship with a sociopath work?

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You've met someone who is charming, charismatic, fun, attentive and, oh yeah, sexy. Your relationship is the most exciting you've ever experienced — at first. Then you see some red flags, and your relationship isn't as pleasant as it once was. After a few nasty incidents, you Google words like "pathological lying," and see descriptions that sound like your partner. You suspect your partner may be a sociopath. The good times are, or were, really good. You don't want to throw it all away. So you wonder — can a relationship with a sociopath work? The answer depends on what you mean by "work." You cannot have a supportive, sharing relationship with a sociopath If by "work" you mean a f …

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Narcissistic manipulation: Patrick Frazee wanted his girlfriend to commit murder

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Here's one of the worst cases of narcissistic manipulation I've ever seen: Three times, Patrick Frazee, 32, of Florissant, Colorado, tried to convince his girlfriend to murder his fiancée. When the girlfriend couldn't do it, Frazee allegedly beat Kelsey Berreth, the mother of his child, to death with a baseball bat. Then he called his girlfriend, Krystal Lee Kenney of Idaho, to clean up the mess. Frazee and Kenney began an intimate relationship in early 2018 — and Frazee probably began his narcissistic manipulation right away. Eventually, Kenney was "under his spell," as former FBI profiler Pete Klismet said in an interview with KRDO TV in Colorado. On Sept. 23, Frazee wanted Kenney …

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Love Fraud book excerpt: One more massive lie from my sociopath husband

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My husband, James Montgomery, convinced me to move to Florida by saying he had a deal to launch our new Titanic Exhibition. He lied. I was broke. Now what were we going to do? By Donna Andersen By the first week of February 1999, James had been in Orlando for more than two months. I’d been there for six weeks. I was still working on plans for the exhibition at Wild Bill’s, and needed more information about the facility’s dimensions. I called the dinner theater’s office. “We have the Titanic exhibition that’s going into Wild Bill’s,” I said to the manager who answered the phone. “I’d like to stop by and take some more measurements.” “The Titanic exhibition!” exclaimed the manager. …

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Why can’t I leave? 5 years with a malignant narcissist

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I was in a 5 year relationship with a malignant narc.  When I first laid eyes on him, I was infatuated!! But he was married, and I don’t mess with married men.   A few years later I ran into him and he was single, so I asked him out and the rest is history. Our first date he took me to a party in the middle of nowhere, and left me sit there all night by myself.  I should have run at that moment and never looked back. Then we went back to his house and had sex, yes on the first date!!! A few weeks later, he made it official that we were a couple, and I was elated!! I moved in with him 2 weeks after our first date.  Everything was wonderful, I couldn’t get enough of this man. It was bliss fo …

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How to date after a narcissist, sociopath or other exploiter

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When you're thinking about starting to date after a narcissist, sociopath or other exploiter, the last thing you need to hear is some so-called expert telling you to fix your low self-esteem. I just read an article on PsychCentral, and the author says the reason you attracted a narcissist in the first place is because you lack confidence. Hello?? I, for one, was not lacking in self-esteem when my sociopathic ex waltzed into my life. I've heard from plenty of successful, accomplished men and women who also found themselves in relationships with disordered individuals. Self-esteem is not the issue. So what is the issue? Actually there are three: Lack of awareness We fall for …

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Love Fraud book excerpt: Because of my husband, I was about to lose everything

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Finally, my husband, James Montgomery, found a project that might actually become reality — a Titanic Exhibition. He and a partner had secured investors, we'd assembled a collection of artifacts, I was planning the show — and then it all fell apart. By Donna Andersen On Thanksgiving morning, as usual, James got up long before me and went down to his office in the basement, even though he just flew in from Las Vegas the day before. I was in the kitchen, getting ready to prepare my contribution to the day’s feast—a casserole of carrots and apples—when he came upstairs, wearing his bathrobe. “We should leave around one o’clock for my uncle’s house,” I said. “All right,” James replied …

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3 Tips for polite conversation about relationship abuse

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I recently attended a small party — about 15 people — at a friend's home. I got into a conversation with two women, neither of whom I knew before. They both revealed that, like me, they had endured relationship abuse. We started swapping stories. The first woman worked hard all her life, built a successful career, and then married the guy who, over about seven years, took advantage of her assets. She described his lies, mostly about money, as "gaslighting." The second woman had three children with a man who turned out to be a controller, moving her away from family and friends. She spent 20 years trying to shield the children from his destructive ways, then finally divorced him. I wa …

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Wednesday Webinar: Why it’s hard to get over a sociopath and how to recover

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I hear from many people who have escaped from involvements with sociopaths — either because they've finally found the courage to leave, or were unceremoniously dumped. They are often in a lot of emotional pain, and, knowing how badly they were treated, they can't understand why it is so hard to get over loving a sociopath. If you're in this situation, you know what I'm talking about. Why does this happen? When you're involved with a sociopath, the thrill at the beginning of the relationship is so intense, that the crash when the relationship ends is worse than anything you've ever experienced. And why does this happen? Because the sociopath hijacks the human bonding system. I e …

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FTC: Americans lose $143 million in romance scams last year

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 Editor's note: Here's a press release from the Federal Trade Commission, February 12, 2019: New FTC Data Spotlight details big jump in losses, complaints about romance scams Scammers who use love to target consumers not only take an emotional toll on their victims, but can also take a financial one as well. New complaint data released today by the Federal Trade Commission shows romance scams generated more reported losses than any other consumer fraud type reported to the agency in 2018. In the last three years, many more consumers have reported romance scams to the FTC’s Consumer Sentinel database, with much higher total reported losses from those scams, according to the Comm …

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