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letter to lovefraud

Is he really a psychopath or not?

September 21, 2018 //  by mikabiel//  13 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from "mikabiel." Her first language is Portuguese and the letter was electronically translated.  I need a lot of help to understand if this creature that has passed through my life is a psychopathic narcissist. I will try to be brief, because it is too many details that intrigued me and I ignored it because I thought it was a simple one with no cuddly notion. He was my husband's best friend and I was just married. I had a gym he enrolled and I was a teacher, we became friends quickly. One day he appeared on Saturday to help paint the gym. I asked myself, He did it, I saw him very lonely, without friends, needing activity, so we …

Is he really a psychopath or not?Read More

Category: Media sociopaths

My sociopathic partner: Once the smoke begins to clear…

September 19, 2018 //  by eyes4everopen//  4 Comments

Chapter 1-wow!  You’re an amazing guy! It all began innocently...my daughter's halloween party invite which happened to include an invite of his daughter too. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the horror insanity and chaos we were about to embark on. Perhaps it was the recent loss of my mother...or the stress of having an aging father to care for...or a sister who is only interested in the financial gains she feels entitled to...maybe it was a transition from a single mom to a single mom with an aging sick Dad coming to live with us...maybe it was a fear of being forever alone and unable to date in any normal sense of the word...but whatever the cause he targeted me like w …

My sociopathic partner: Once the smoke begins to clear…Read More

Category: Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales, Seduced by a sociopath

letter to lovefraud

He never had those feelings for me — it was all a lie, an act

September 14, 2018 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  7 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Cecilia18." I didn’t marry “my” sociopath. I didn’t live with him. I didn’t have children with him. I’m not even sure you could call what passed for a relationship “dating.” Nevertheless, he messed up my life for several years. I’ll call him John. He was a local radio host, and I was a fan. I enjoyed listening to him banter with his producer/on-air sidekick and with his wife when she called in. Looking back, I don’t know why I liked him so much. He made a lot of jokes at the expense of others, including minorities and seniors. This is not my thing at all! But there was something about him: He was witty …

He never had those feelings for me — it was all a lie, an actRead More

Category: Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales

Spath Tales

I almost married a sociopath, and to this day I don’t know what his motives were

September 12, 2018 //  by Lovefraud Reader//  8 Comments

Editor's note: This story was written by the Lovefraud reader, "marinapearl." I almost married a sociopath. He seemed like my perfect match at first: kind, funny, generous, respectful. We had everything in common. We moved much more quickly than I would have thought possible for me, as I am usually very cautious, but this was unlike any relationship I’d ever had. We were “soulmates,” “meant to be.” Before long we were engaged. Everything was going well, except for when we would argue. Every time we had the slightest disagreement, he would have a meltdown. Nothing was ever his fault, and he always managed to make me feel bad for saying anything. I just thought he was really sensitive, bu …

I almost married a sociopath, and to this day I don’t know what his motives wereRead More

Category: Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales

letter to lovefraud

Attracting better partners by releasing unhealthy beliefs

September 8, 2018 //  by Donna Andersen//  1 Comment

Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Emilie": I won't go into the long, boring details of my 7+ year relationship with the sociopath that invaded my life. It's the same basic story as always and plus, I think there's some kind of email size limit. :) Ever since I ended the engagement over 3 years ago, and finally terminated the relationship itself another year after, I've made comments (in a lighthearted, self deprecating fashion) that, "if you're going to treat me like crap, then I'm the girl for you!" Yes, it gets chuckles from the people I'm around, but sadly it's true. I was watching a movie last night and was judging the characters on their level …

Attracting better partners by releasing unhealthy beliefsRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

Trust after betrayal by the sociopath

September 6, 2018 //  by Donna Andersen//  11 Comments

For everyone here at Lovefraud, there came a time when we could no longer continue in denial. We were forced to admit that someone we trusted had betrayed us. We felt devastation, anger, humiliation, grief and every other negative emotion on a therapy checklist. We also berated ourselves for our naiveté, kicked ourselves for our gullibility, and castigated ourselves for trusting someone who shouldn't have been trusted. Overwhelmed by pain, we may have vowed that we would never trust again. Hold on. As human beings, we need to trust. Human society is built on trust. The key is to determine who is trustworthy, and who is not. Trust and human society I wrote previously about Paul …

Trust after betrayal by the sociopathRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath

10 typical emotional abuse tactics that the experts don’t even measure

September 3, 2018 //  by Donna Andersen//  1 Comment

No wonder mental health professionals don't seem to understand emotional abuse. In trying to conduct research about it, they don't even have a comprehensive list of typical emotionally abusive behaviors. Here are 10 behaviors that Lovefraud readers experience, time and time again, from their sociopathic partners. How many have you seen? You're blamed for everything; it's all your fault. Your partner flirts with others and cheats on you. Your partner disappears — you have no idea where he or she is, and when, or if, he or she will return. Your partner does or says something incredibly hurtful — and then acts like nothing happened. You get the silent treatment. Your par …

10 typical emotional abuse tactics that the experts don’t even measureRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath, Scientific research

James Montgomery at a business meeting.

Sociopaths as chameleons — they become whatever they need to be for their latest scam

August 31, 2018 //  by Donna Andersen//  2 Comments

My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, considered himself to be an entrepreneur, the equal of any man who ever built a commercial empire. As he was seducing me, painting a glimmering picture of how successful and rich we would become, he proclaimed that he would be "the next Walt Disney." When Montgomery went to business meetings, he wore a jacket, trousers, and a polo shirt. He refused to wear ties, but he always had a silk square in his jacket pocket. He told me that even when he was young, he always dressed up in jackets and cravats, eschewing the psychedelic fashions of the 60s. (For more about my story, it's all in my book, Love Fraud.) So you can imagine my surprise when I …

Sociopaths as chameleons — they become whatever they need to be for their latest scamRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath

Dr. Laura Rubiales: Sociopaths, PTSD and the Mind Body Connection

August 29, 2018 //  by Lovefraud Professional Resources//  2 Comments

By Dr. Laura Rubiales After reading an e-mail with the accusatory gibberish/provoking/non-responsibility-taking BS that only a sociopath or other bona-fide Cluster B personality disordered person can seem to write, I found myself with palpitations, panicked, blood pressure rising, on the verge of a spiking migraine and barely able to breathe. I immediately called a girlfriend to therapeutically debrief. In her gorgeous Louisiana Southern drawl she said, “Darlin,’ you just don’t mess with crazy.” In all I have learned about the nervous system from over 20 years of studying and working with sick people, let me tell you why it is best to just “not mess with crazy” from a physiological pers …

Dr. Laura Rubiales: Sociopaths, PTSD and the Mind Body ConnectionRead More

Category: Recovery from a sociopath, Spiritual and energetic recovery

Pensive woman

Sociopaths leave us totally disoriented — here’s why

August 27, 2018 //  by Donna Andersen//  4 Comments

Most of us grow up believing that all people are created equal, that human beings are basically good, and everybody wants to be loved. These are the messages we learn in school, in church, and in the age of political correctness, from the media. These beliefs are the lenses through which we view the world and the people in it. Our beliefs influence how we perceive and understand the behavior of those we meet. And, for 84 percent of the population, the beliefs work just fine. Bad treatment Then we realize that someone in our life isn't treating us well. We may think this person is reacting to our behavior, that we're doing something to provoke anger or elicit criticism — after all, t …

Sociopaths leave us totally disoriented — here’s whyRead More

Category: Explaining the sociopath

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Lovefraud Blog Recent Comments

  • eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws  : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”
  • jhmb6 on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “This article suggests that all narcissists are not simply narcissists. There always seems to be a co-occurring disorder. All evidence…”
  • Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, LBS, CCBP on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Happy Sunday Donna, and I am not surprised based on the story of your ex that he may have been…”
  • Donna Andersen on Narcissists and hoarding disorder: “Hi Joanie — thanks for this article! My ex was a complete pack rat. I converted my basement into an…”
  • Donna Andersen on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws  : “Emilie 18 posted the following comment in the Forum. Eleanor Cowen posted a beautifully said piece in the Blog about…”

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