How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Your Autonomic Nervous System and Healing from the Sociopath

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By Laura Rubiales, ND, LAc Do you feel like your body and mental/emotional state changed after an encounter or relationship with a sociopath?   Are you more frazzled, hypervigilant, with a potential sense of impending doom, increased anxiety and insomnia? Have you gained or lost weight? Are you having more digestive issues? Many of these symptoms can be explained physiologically by changes in your autonomic nervous system. Your autonomic nervous system has two states between which it alternates, the sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic state is your body’s fight or flight system which is meant to mobilize you away from danger. In the sympathetic state, your blood flow is …

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As you recover from the sociopath, remember to live

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For many of us, when we finally disengage from the sociopath, our lives are in shambles. We aren't just trying to recover from a broken heart due to the sociopath's unconscionable betrayal. We may also need to recover from financial devastation, ruined relationships with family and friends, lost jobs, lost businesses, lost homes, stress-related illness and the aftershocks of psychological manipulation. No wonder we feel like zombies. Where do we start? How do we rebuild our lives? In the beginning, our focus is rightfully on crisis management. We make sure we have shelter, food, financial support. We must find solutions for the basic issues of survival. Eventually, the crisis …

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Asian cops bust S$19 million love scam syndicate

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Cops in Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong take Internet romance scams seriously — which is more than I can say for U.S. and European authorities. Asian cops just busted a love scam crime ring that had swindled victims out of more than Singapore $19.45 million (US$14.08 million). Officers arrested 19 suspects in the same syndicate: 15 Malaysian women, 1 Malaysian man, 2 Nigerian men and 1 Chinese woman. Did you catch that? The people doing the scamming were mostly women! These suspects swindled 146 people. Eight of the victims in Singapore lost more than $450,000. Love scam syndicate worth nearly S$20 million crippled by authorities in Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong, on B …

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Woman whose disordered ex bit off her lip tells her story

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Kayla Hayes finally found the strength to leave her controlling boyfriend, Seth Fleury. But on October 21, 2017, he wanted to get together to "talk," Kayla agreed to meet him, but when he tried to kiss her, she refused. He bit off her lip. Fleury, 23, was sentenced a few days ago to 12 years in prison for assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature. He must serve at least 10 years. Kayla wrote about her terrifying experience, and its aftermath, in a post on Facebook. Her words and emotions will sound familiar to Lovefraud readers. Kayla Hayes on Facebook — "Today I sat in a courtroom." Woman, whose ex bit off he lip, shares emotional Facebook post after he is sentenced …

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Outrageous lies my sociopathic ex told me — what whoppers did you hear?

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My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, lied from the very beginning of our involvement, right through to the end. His first lies were in his online profile — age 49 (he was 55), financially secure (he had no money at all), an entrepreneur (never built a successful business in his life). When we met in person, the lies continued nonstop. Here’s some of what I heard: Lie: I won the Victoria Cross for my heroism in Vietnam (complete with a commendation). Truth: He was never in Vietnam, in fact, never in the military. His commendation was forged. Lie: I will be the next Walt Disney. Truth: He couldn’t get a job as Dumbo. Lie: I don’t have a gay bone in my body. Truth: I found …

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At the end of our honeymoon, he FLIPPED into a different person

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "EllenMarie." I met a covert malignant narcissist on an online dating site. I had no idea such people existed. I had lost my wonderful husband of almost 30 years to cancer 4 years previously. We’d had a terrific, healthy relationship, and I wanted another one. I have two master’s degrees, one in psychiatric social work, and have always considered myself very intuitive and a good judge of character. Not this time!! I met the narcissist on Feb 3, 2017, and was thoroughly love bombed for 5 months. He proposed after 6 weeks, and we were married on June 30, 2017. I saw no red flags. He was really a pro at …

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Finally recognizing a sociopath’s abuse

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By Eleanor Cowan “The statute of limitations? It took me 25 years post-drug-rape to recognize his abuse,” I replied to a comment as a bunch of us at our local Senior Center crowded around the fitness room TV to hear the sentencing of a dangerous sex criminal, a wealthy fellow much older than most of us, a fatherly figure whose abuses rampaged for decades with no limitations, brakes or borders. “Why is there no statute of limitations for murder?” asked one woman, “while there is one for sexual abuse?” “Yes,” said another, “Billy can wake up with a sudden recall of the murderer who killed twenty years ago, and the police are on it. No officer would ever say, ‘Sorry, times up on your re …

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I am overwhelmed with PTSD, stress, anxiety, fear, loss, betrayal and trying to save myself

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Catherine18." Other names have been changed. I am writing this after a pretty hard day. I have them a lot these days. I’ve made it a habit to tell people that I'm fine or ok. Before that, before everyone knew what happened, I just smiled, laughed and was a pretend version of myself so that I wouldn’t let on what I was suffering. I learned to protect the person hurting me from my mother's abuse of me. I am 42, and I have never not been abused. Ever. I’m now being honest. I am saying I’m not ok. People don't help you when you finally get honest. I have been betrayed, abandoned, pitied and had people talk be …

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Useless advice on how to spot a lie

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The Daily Mail just published a silly article in which a psychologist explains how to tell when someone is lying. The behavioral psychologist, Jo Hemmings, dispenses all of the usual and useless advice about watching for microexpressions, lack of eye contact, convoluted explanations and changes in behavior. Okay, so the advice might work for spotting a normal person who is uncomfortable with lying. It will never work for spotting a sociopath who lies like he or she breathes. In fact, the article is accompanied by a sidebar in which new research published by Edinburgh University finds that it is hard to spot a liar. Why? Because liars may intentionally suppress the tell-tale signs of …

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Dealing with a sociopath: Fight or flight?

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Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting people. When you're the person who has been exploited, how should you respond? Do you try to hold the sociopath accountable? Or do you cut your losses and run? Lovefraud is an open forum, with many people expressing opinions about what you should do. In the past, some folks have posted comments saying give up, run away, don't fight, you can't win. I don't necessarily agree with that. Yes, in some cases, fleeing is the best course of action. But sometimes the only way to survive is to fight. Or sometimes standing up to the sociopath enables you to reclaim yourself, even if you don't win the battle. I believe you …

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