How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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How, as a child, I was groomed to be a people pleaser

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By Eleanor Cowan “Shut your big mouth and buzz off!” my mother exploded at me as she slammed a boiling hot cloth against my brother’s face – her cure for his chronic swollen acne. “Do you know how much money your pimple treatment costs this family?” screamed mother. Pressing on another steaming square, she ignored Gordie’s pitiful cries. Slightly taller than my mother, my brother’s strong-muscled arms trembled at each side as tears streamed down his face. A capable teenager, he could have landed her on the kitchen floor in an instant. Or, he could have run. But Gordie knew the drill. The Fourth Commandment. "Honor your Father and Your Mother." He knew what would happen if he disrespected …

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I Had No Idea What This Person Is

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I've been lied to so much.. that one day I woke up you can only sleep so long, before God starts revealing the truth to you..and Lord only knows !!! how much I've PRAYED for an answer. I've found out that this person has slept with men and women and will not confess to madness. This person has slept with family members, mothers, brothers, and etc... has people everywhere and most of all has people whom will lie as well. insane and hideous....hiding under the word of God. This person has diseases and this person is infectious and spreading its pathogens like its the thing to do disregarding human life and children this person has had sex with minors and a wide range of men .... He …

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How to get a restraining order against a sociopath

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New Lovefraud Continuing Education Webinar! Obtaining Injunctions Against a Sociopath Presented by Megan M. Lyons, Esq. Tuesday, Aug. 1 • 8 - 9 pm ET • $25 The sociopath won't leave you alone. He or she is harassing you, stalking you, perhaps threatening you. You want a court order to make the abuse stop. How do you get it? But even more importantly, should you get it? These are the issues that attorney Megan M. Lyons will address in her new Lovefraud CE webinar, Obtaining Injunctions Against a Sociopath. If you're thinking about pursuing a restraining order, you need this information. About the presenter Megan M. Lyons, Esq., is an attorney based in Florida, with offices in Orlando and …

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A New York model’s marriage to a sociopath

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Three weeks after her baby was born, Jen Waite, a model and actress in New York City, discovered that her husband was having an affair. In fact, while she was in labor, he kept disappearing to call his girlfriend. Jen has just come out with a book called, A Beautiful, Terrible Thing, in which she tells her story. In an interview with the New York Post, she calls her husband a sociopath. Based on the article, it sounds like she's right. My husband's secret double life, on NYPost.com.   Jen Waite, 32, a model and …

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Sociopaths are “spin” and misrepresentation experts. To protect yourself, document everything!

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 48:  Toxic Emails I spent the rest of the afternoon making phone calls to find someone who would let me store my financial files and sentimental items at their house. Melinda, a mom whose daughter was on the lacrosse team with Jessica, offered the use of her house. I only knew her casually, but I knew she had been through a physically abusive marriage. Was I putting her in danger? …

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Like cosmic black holes, Sociopaths suck in all surrounding matter and energy and give nothing back

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 47B: Divorcing A Sociopath—Round II In that moment, I understood why, throughout our marriage, Paul had criticized me so often for being controlling. It had always seemed odd, and I had stupidly responded by bending over backwards to make sure he would not view me that way. I caved in to what he wanted to prove that I did not need to be in control. Fool! Most people consider me flexible. …

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From Moon to Earth — recognizing that my experience was actually abuse

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Editor's note: Please welcome a new contributor to Lovefraud.com — Eleanor Cowan, author of "A History of a Pedophile's Wife."  Born in 1948, the same year women first voted in Quebec, she began her life odyssey with a lovely home, good food, some affection, and soon, the company of nine siblings. These are the details she relied upon, not the nights of sexual abuse, the constant criticism of her mother, nor the religious oppression in her strict family. With the alcoholism of her mother and the chronic absence of her Dad, life slid downhill fast. She became a devout Catholic, an anxious people pleaser  — and a complete stranger to herself. Three drug-rapes into her 20's, she decided to er …

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If we want something different, we need to do something different

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By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW I’m fond of this axiom: “If you want something different from what you’ve had, you need to do something different from what you’ve done.” Here’s an important corollary: Doing something different will, at first, feel strange. When we envision something different for ourselves and begin to practice creating it, it’s important to prepare to receive it. Otherwise, new possibilities will be assimilated by the powerful machinery of old patterns and we’ll continue to feel stuck. It’s not enough to want something different, or even to envision it. In order to create something different, we must release the barriers — often unconscious — that stand in its way. We need to l …

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Freeing oneself from a sociopath is challenging and can be dangerous

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Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 47: Divorcing a Sociopath--Round II As I turned the corner and the house slipped from view, I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. Five minutes later, text messages and calls flooded my phone. I ignored them and kept driving. A few minutes later, I pulled into my bank’s parking lot and tried to breathe normally. I checked my phone. All the texts and calls were from Paul. I n …

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Sociopaths and double lives

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A reporter inquired about people who live double lives. Why do they do it? Can they maintain double lives for a long time? What are the dangers? Like most of us at Lovefraud, I have some experience with this. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, cheated with at least six different women during our 2.5-year marriage. He had a child with one of the women. Ten days after I left him, he married the mother of the child, which was the second time he committed bigamy. And of course, he took a quarter-million dollars from me—spending much of the money entertaining these other women. Not everyone who lives a double life is a sociopath. Some people, like spies and undercover cops, are doing their j …

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