A number of parents have written Lovefraud recently asking for advice regarding helping 16-24 year old sons and daughters whose other parent is a sociopath. These sons and daughters may be showing some signs of the disorder and the parents are at a loss about what to do. The stage of life between 16 and 24, is called emergent adulthood, and I have come to believe this stage is critical in the development of healthy and unhealthy personality patterns. With respect to antisocial personality (sociopathy/psychopathy), although symptoms of the disorder may be present during childhood and early adolescence, recent studies show this is not always the case. The disorder can develop during …
Sociopathic personality disorders are highly genetic. Your children may have become disordered, despite your best efforts. These articles will help you understand.
A mother asks: ‘What is my responsibility toward my sociopathic adult son?’
Updated for 2024. Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call, "Margaret Louise." She has a sociopathic adult son, and asks about her responsibilities regarding him.Please point me in the direction for good advice about recovering from heartache caused by my adult son, who is a sociopath. And, help me realize my responsibilities as his parent.Joshua is 33 years old. He has 3 children by 3 different women. While he is in the relationship with the women, I am blacklisted from contact with my grandchildren. As the relationships fall apart, and the mothers realize they’ve been duped, I can begin to have that cherished relationship with my grandchildren and fortunately w …
A mother asks: ‘What is my responsibility toward my sociopathic adult son?’Read More
I am a parent of two sociopathic children
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Theresa23, who relates her experience as the parent of two sociopathic children. My experience is probably a bit different than most, but then again maybe not, maybe it's just not talked about. I am a parent of two sociopathic children. One is a boy age 21, and the other is a girl age 28. The girl is more of a histrionic antisocial personality disordered person where my son is more of a narcissistic sociopathic or possibly even psychopathic person. “Blame the mama” This is important to me because so often in the media, and in therapeutic journals and everywhere else- people want to "blame the mama"! I a …
How psychopaths behave as children — described by the psychopaths themselves
On Quora.com, people can post questions for others to answer. Here's one question that was posted: How do psychopaths behave as children, especially around other children their age? So far, 13 people have answered the question — most of them self-identifying as psychopaths. The responses are fascinating. Here's an example: I was independent, yes. Behaved very well around my parents and other figures of authority, because behaving well meant that I could get away with more if I were caught. I stole, lied, manipulated “friends” into giving me what they want, made threats, threw violent tantrums, and for whatever reason enjoyed shouting at the neighbor’s dog and stepping( or at least trie …
How psychopaths behave as children — described by the psychopaths themselvesRead More
Who exactly is a potential victim of psychopaths or sociopaths?
Chapter 5 Who is a potential victim? Everyone is a potential victim of a psychopath. There are two basic reasons why, and my goal in this chapter is to make them clear for you. Why? Because too many people think they can't be fooled or that they're too strong to be a victim, and those beliefs put us in danger of being swept away and devastated by a psychopath. Here are my two points, up front. First, psychopaths handle deception differently, and it catches us off guard. Almost anyone can be fooled, even professionals. Second, the most masterful unincarcerated psychopaths can give a very warm impression and/or they talk incessantly about their values. We are not brought up to anticipate …
Who exactly is a potential victim of psychopaths or sociopaths?Read More
There are Degrees of Conscience and Empathy
Hello. I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed systems that left me in constant contact with my …
The Cost of a Sociopath
I've been writing my next book and decided to share a piece of it. Here it is: All my life, I've been surrounded by facts and figures about how many years you lose if you do certain things. Like smoke cigarettes. Or do drugs. Or drink too much alcohol. People like to threaten and motivate each other with scary statistics that encompass not only dangerous behaviors but also self-neglect. Like failing to exercise. Or skipping stress-reduction techniques. “For every year you smoke, you take a year off your life.” Something like that. But I don't think anyone knows how many years you lose to a psychopath. Not even counting the years you spend going crazy before you finally figure out wha …
Our son acts just like his sociopath father; maybe even worse
Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Good Mom.” The father of my son was a spath. He is now deceased. He killed himself. He was a drug and alcohol addict and he was very abusive. I was beaten regularly. I was a possession. He owned me and he owned everything that was mine. He lied as easily as he breathed. I went through a very difficult break up with him when my son was 3 years old. I did not know until after his death that he was a spath. We have a son who is now 37 years old, and I do believe this is hereditary because he is also a spath and acts exactly the same as his father, maybe even worse. I had never known anyone who beh …
Our son acts just like his sociopath father; maybe even worseRead More
If Psychopaths Were Identified
If psychopaths were actively identified across institutions, we would more consistently know exactly who we're dealing with. Their stats on getting away with murder would go (way) down. They would be less likely to win full custody in divorce. There would be more public awareness around who's running certain companies. And our public and professional belief that interactional assessments and background checks tell us all we need to know about a person would be turned on its head to the benefit of all involved. If psychopaths were identified consistently and accurately by all mental health professionals (which would require major change in nearly every clinical training …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My adopted daughter became her biological mother
Editor's Note: Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader who posts as "Hannah4." Donna Andersen will offer comments at the end of her story. V and B join our family I retired from teaching two years ago. I have been married for 38 years to the same man and gave birth to two sons who are now grown. Sixteen years ago, my husband and I became guardians of two girls who are biological sisters (who attended the school where I taught). One of the sisters, V, joined our family when she was nine years old. One year later, her younger sister, B, who had just turned nine, also joined our family. At the time, I taught in a private Christian school where the philosophy was "it …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My adopted daughter became her biological motherRead More
For at-risk toddlers, warm parenting is best
Experts now agree that sociopathy is at least partly genetic. That means any child born of a sociopathic parent may inherit a predisposition to the personality disorder. Sometimes this predisposition can be seen in very young children who exhibit "callous-unemotional" traits. New research shows that toddlers who exhibit callous-unemotional behavior may be helped by warm, loving parenting. Warmer parenting makes antisocial toddlers more empathetic, on PSmag.com. This is the same advice Dr. Liane Leedom gives in her book, Just Like His Father? A guide to overcoming our child's genetic connection to antisocial behavior, addiction and ADHD. Here's the bottom line: If you realize …