How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Tell the experts about your experience with a sociopath

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Lovefraud invites you to complete a survey about your experience with a sociopath/psychopath/narcissist in order to help professionals diagnose this disorder properly. Two days ago, the American Psychiatric Association released a draft of the fifth edition its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM 5). This book is the standard classification of mental disorders used by mental health and other professionals. The revision has been underway for a decade. A work group of 11 doctors and psychologists focused on the section about personality and personality disorders. They have recommended significant changes to the description of antisocial personality …

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Stolen Valor v. First Amendment

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The Stolen Valor Act declared war on military phonies. Signed into law in 2006, the federal law made it illegal for any unauthorized person to wear, manufacture, sell, barter or claim any military decoration or medal. Phonies are rampant. An organization called AuthentiSEALS, which worked to expose men who falsely claimed to be members of the elite SEAL teams, estimated that there were 300 impostors for each real SEAL. AuthentiSEALs disbanded in 2005 because its members were exhausted from checking out all the liars. We've certainly seen the phenomenon here at Lovefraud. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, was one of those who falsely claimed to be a Special Forces operative. He also …

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Civil commitment of sociopaths

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I recently read an interesting discussion of the civil commitment of sex offenders in the Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law by Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D. and colleagues. I had some thoughts about the article I'd like to share with you. Many states in the United States now have laws that allow for a sexually violent predator (SVP) or a sexually dangerous person (SDP) to be committed to a mental hospital or forced into outpatient supervision once they have completed their prison sentence. In these states, mental health professionals are asked to evaluate potentially dangerous sociopaths and decide whether there is enough risk to society to warrant either inpatient or …

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The sociopath’s imperturbability

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The sociopath's imperturbability has been widely noted. However, this is a generalization, not true of all sociopaths in all situations. A sociopath around whom the net is closing, who recognizes that he's played his last card and finds, alas, that the game is ending and that he faces inescapable consequences—sociopaths in this circumstance may feel forms of perturbability, like anxiety and worry. But in situations where he perceives his security (however unrealistically) to be relatively unthreatened—especially where his grandiosity and sense of omnipotence remain relatively intact—the sociopath can be curiously imperturbable. Imperturbable, that is, in the commission of his viola …

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Game theory and the sociopath

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Shock. Total disbelief. Utter incomprehension. That's what we feel upon finally realizing that when the sociopath cheated on us, blew through our money, twisted our emotions and messed with our minds, to him or her it was all just a sick, depraved game. Sociopaths do not form emotional connections with other human beings. They do not experience love. They do not feel honor, altruism or concern for others. The words they speak and the actions they take have only one objective: getting what they want. To them, life is a game, and they want to win. Game theory is a field of study that, according to Wikipedia, “attempts to mathematically capture behavior in strategic situations, in which an …

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Forgiveness, sociopathy and choice

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Although it has been many years and there is a new relationship, a friend of mine still wishes every day that the sociopath that preyed on her will “drop dead.” Wishing and hoping that some horrible end will come for the sociopath takes up time and energy in my friend's life; as she searches for evidence that something bad has indeed happened to the sociopath and then is disappointed. Recently, I discussed the topic of forgiving psychopaths with a psychopathy researcher who is not a clinician. He said he received a letter from someone complaining that friends were pressuring the victim to forgive. It was the psychopathy researcher's opinion that people should NOT be told they have to for …

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The Story of David Pecard

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Recently, I watched an old 48-Hours segment on the conman David Michael Pecard, which proved to be a most fascinating, educational case study of a textbook sociopath. Pecard is the kind of sociopath (or psychopath) psychiatrist Hervey Cleckley, MD, so brilliantly grappled with in his classic, “The Mask of Sanity—”that is, he was glib, persuasive (could sell you the Brooklyn Bridge today and tender a convincing deed of sale); charmingly disarming, imperturbable, thrill-seeking, audacious, deceptive, emotionally superficial and indifferent to the suffering he caused others. Peter Van Zandt investigates, and offers compelling interview footage with Pecard, who was free as the segment aired …

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The psychopathic personality and human evolution

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Dr. Robert Hare, who did seminal work in identifying psychopaths, refers to them as “intraspecies predators.” This prompted questions from a Lovefraud reader who asked, If psychopaths are indeed natural predators (by implication, their design is part of nature's plan to maintain some balance) then would we ever be able to weed them out of society? Do they have a purpose in the natural order of things? In this article, I'm going to address the second question. Then, next week, I'll suggest an answer to the first question. I don't know about a purpose, but there are researchers who believe psychopaths are around us today because they survived the natural selection process of human e …

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Why we don’t know about sociopaths

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I've spoken to many people who have had their lives shredded by sociopaths. They are traumatized about their physical, emotional and financial injuries. They can't understand how someone can cause them so much pain, and be so callous about it. A statement I hear frequently is, “I didn't know such evil existed.” Why don't we know about sociopaths? I think there are several reasons: 1. Mental health professionals can't agree on terminology and diagnostic criteria. These disordered individuals are referred to as sociopaths, psychopaths or people with antisocial personality disorder. Which is the right term? It depends on whom you ask. Dr. Robert Hare, the guru of the disorder, use …

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The dark side of the man

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A big problem we face in sizing up a partner is getting stuck on, or being seduced by, his “light side—”that is, his apparently (or genuinely) wonderful, engaging, admirable,  gratifying qualities. However, when we're dealing with a sociopath, there is also the other side—the “dark side.” By “dark side” I mean, essentially, the sociopath's exploitive side. And by exploitive I mean, very specifically, his calculated use of leverage to betray you somehow; moreover, to betray you with gross insensitivity to your experience of the injury or insult he's inflicted.  The “light side” of the man must never compensate for his “dark side,” regardless of how well-concealed, and rarely, the latt …

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