How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Weak Boundaries, Needing To Be Nice And Being Vulnerable To A Sociopath

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Although almost anyone can be targeted by a sociopath, like most people, sociopaths are more apt to spend their energy where they have a higher likelihood of success. Sociopaths test boundaries early in relationships to find individuals, like me, whose boundaries may be weaker and, therefore, easier to violate.  Of course, for lots of reasons, once small boundaries have been crossed, it is easier to cross medium boundaries and crossing those makes violating larger ones all the easier. Trained To Be Nice It has taken me a painstakingly long time to understand this about myself and to admit the truth of it, but looking back, I can now see that as a child, teenager and young adult, I was …

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After the trauma, emotional exhaustion

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Last week I wrote that my husband and Lovefraud co-founder, Terry Kelly, suffered a heart attack. I am very happy to report that Terry is doing really, really well, all things considered. After being unconscious for a week, he finally woke up. The next day, the doctors took him off of the breathing machine. He's now in a regular hospital room, rather than intensive care. He's eating, drinking fluids and sleeping when he's not coughing himself awake. Terry has started taking walks down the hospital corridor, assisted by a walker. His feet don't quite move the way they should, and he has some balance issues, although each day gets better. We hope he'll soon be moving to a rehabilitation …

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The only divorce he will give me is on his terms

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call " Terri-Anne" I have been married close to 15 years with a sociopath from central Europe. We have three kids together. He promised me of giving our kids a good education. I always felt this marriage is somewhat strange with my husband making excuses all the time to leave the house. I only found out one year ago that my husband has been having sex with prostitutes. He dates them and gives them lots of money. He traveled with three of them; one to Utah, to Canada and five European countries. All this time he promised that everything will be fine, but it was just all a lie. Three years ago he had planned to …

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Warning: Sociopath Ahead!

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A friend of mine feared her daughter was involved with a sociopath who was pressuring her to have children with him. Knowing I'd had my life derailed by my own husband (now ex-husband), who I now believe is a sociopath, my friend asked me to tell her daughter some of my story. As one never knows if a seed of information will later blossom into insight, I wrote her daughter a letter.  The entry below is based on that letter. Wonderful Qualities Become Profound Vulnerabilities I believe my ex-husband and the father of my children has a personality disorder—narcissistic personality disorder—some refer to such individuals as sociopaths or psychopaths. Such people are more common that most of us e …

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Labels and Lists Might Not Help

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  Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children “together” in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite fail …

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Everyone’s Ex is a Psychopath

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Hello, Lovefraud Readers. A quick reintroduction: I'm Helen Beverly, an author and psychotherapist who writes under the name H.G. Beverly. I was married to a psychopath for over a decade and am still dealing with the challenges of raising our children "together" in a society that struggles to deal with psychopathy. I've written some posts about those challenges that you can find archived here on Lovefraud. Also, I published my memoir, The Other Side of Charm, in 2014 and am now releasing my next book one chapter at a time. You can find it here and on my blog at hgbeverly.com. It's called My Ex is a Psychopath, But I Am Strong and Free. This book details my healing journey despite failed sy …

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Sociopath Control: Lessons From Economics 101 And Frogs In Hot Water

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You don't have to have studied economics to know that scarcity drives up value. A sip of water for someone parched in the desert is immensely more valuable than the same sip of water at the end of a meal at a white tablecloth restaurant where an attentive waiter refills your glass constantly. Is love any different? A single gesture of kindness or expression of love in a flowing stream of affection goes all but unnoticed. The value of that same gesture in a love-deprived environment, however, is immeasurable. Using Love to Control Because human beings value love, sociopaths often use love or the promise of love to control and weaken others emotionally. This happened to me and is chronicled in …

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A Relationship With A Sociopath, Anxiety, And Depression

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There are many reasons why being unwittingly involved with a sociopath often leads to anxiety and depression. Below is an edited excerpt from my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com) that discusses some of the relevant dynamics. Chronic, Subtle Feelings That "Something's Off" A chronic, subtle sense of unease, anxiety, and feeling that something is “off” are classic symptoms of being in a relationship with a sociopath. These feelings became my constant companions while married to my ex-husband. A Psychology Experiment The Iowa Gambling Task is a classic study designed by neuroscientists at the University of …

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10 Signs You’re Addicted to Loving a Cheater

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Editor's note: This article by Donna Andersen was originally published on YourTango.com. All of the following still applies if your partner is a woman. You know he's seeing another woman. Or perhaps you ARE the other woman. Why can't you let him go? You discover your man is cheating. You know he's bad for you. Your friends tell you to dump him, but the truth is, you still want him. If the pull is unbearably strong, maybe it's not love that you feel—but addiction. Do you do any of the following? (Be honest!) 1. You confront him about the calls in his phone from other women. He comes up excuses, you know they're lame—but you accept them anyway. 2. He says that it's your fault tha …

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