How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Sociopaths–How They Lie and Why We Fall For It: Part 1

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Sociopaths dazzle and distract with brilliant linguistic gymnastics to obscure their lies.  In my book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned (available via Amazon.com), I examine several conversations to reveal specific techniques "Paul" (my husband of about 20 years who I now believe is a sociopath), used to obscure the truth. These techniques are likely common to other liars and sociopaths as well. "Our Honeymoon Isn't Over Until I Say It's Over!”  The night we'd returned from our honeymoon, I needed to make a business-related call.  Paul was furious with me and snapped, "Our honeymoon isn't over until I say it's over!”  It was so out o …

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When You “Lose Yourself” Due To A Sociopath, Recovery Is Hard–Really Hard

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If I hear one more reporter or talk show host ask a victim of partner abuse, “Why did you stay?” and not really listen to the answer or not try to understand the psychology of how emotional, psychological, financial, and/or physical abuse can rewire your brain and murder your soul, I will scream. I want to scream because I don't think the interviewer is really looking for an answer. We Are Strong, They Were Weak Instead, it's as if the questioner is seeking to label the victim as “weak” and “not like us.” This creates a sense that the victim is different, and that perceived difference creates the comforting illusion that it could never happen to us or someone like us.  After all: We are stro …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He painted a future, telling me how we were going to make this work

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Gabriela." She lives outside of the United States. My heart is aching because of what happened to me. I met a guy, I don´t know if he´s a sociopath, but he betrayed me. I met him once in at the pool area in a casino hotel in the U.S. I was traveling there with some family, I´m from another country. We had this great chemistry since that day that we met. We spoke for hours, invited me to go out but I couldn't. Then I came back to my country but kept that in love feeling that I had never felt before. I couldn´t even understand it because we only saw each other for those few hours, but still I searched him on fa …

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Sociopath Math

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 "It feels like I have a target on me," said a woman who had repeatedly caught the eye of sociopathic men. "You do," I replied.  “So do I. So do lots of us.” Believe Who They Are When They Show You The First Time Why are empathetic people especially likely to get trapped in long-term relationships with sociopaths? We stay in these relationships too long, in part, because we discount and misattribute malicious, selfish, destructive behavior. We give people the benefit of the doubt. We have to stop doing this!  Or at least, we need to become far more selective about when we do it and with whom we do it. We need to take Maya Angelou's words to heart — “When someone shows you who they are believe …

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Traits that make women attractive to psychopaths

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  Many people think that women who've been snared by a psychopathic con artist are weak, gullible and lacking in self-esteem. Well, many people are wrong. In a recent article for SheKnows.com, author Kiri Blakeley lists seven traits that make women vulnerable to psychopaths. They're not what you may think. Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com, was quoted in the article. 7 traits psychopaths are attracted to, on SheKnows.com.   …

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Married To A Sociopath — How It All Began

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My Story Since ending what turned into a toxic marriage, suffering through a divorce from hell, and enduring severe post-divorce emotional, legal, and financial aftershocks, I have educated myself about sociopaths. It is clear to me now that my ex-husband and the father of my children is a sociopath. By sharing my story and painfully gained insights in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned, and on the lovefraud.com  website, I hope to help others identify some of the markers that indicate someone in their life might be a sociopath as well as to recognize and offset the qualities in oneself—as in all of us—that encourage us to give t …

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Checklist: Is your partner a sociopath?

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  Almost every day, I receive email from people who have discovered Lovefraud and have a burning question to ask me: "Am I involved with a sociopath?" I've heard this question so many times that I've finally created a quick and easy way to help answer it Lovefraud's "Is your partner a sociopath?" checklist. The 29 items on the checklist are drawn from the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, which was completed by more than 1,300 respondents in 2012. It identifies the behaviors that people who were in relationships with sociopaths experienced and witnessed, time and time again. These are the same behaviors I continue to hear about from hundreds of readers. So if you are wondering …

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7 reasons loving a cheater can be a gift

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Realizing that you're involved with a sociopath is heartbreaking, devastating, earth-shattering. But, as bad as it is, good can come out of the experience. You can gain a better understanding of the world and the people in it. You can gain a better understanding of yourself. And, if you commit yourself to recovery, you can come out the other side healthier than ever, with an opportunity for true happiness. I've written about this quite a bit here on Lovefraud. In my second of two articles for YourTango, I've expressed this view to a wider audience. You can read it by clicking the link below. 7 reasons loving a cheater is the best gift you'll ever give yourself, on YourTango.com. BTW I …

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Are you a senior living in New York? Did you meet a liar on the Internet?

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By Joyce M. Short Catfish Profiles are personal write-ups containing fictitious information, and they are prolific in internet dating. And all too many participants here on Lovefraud have first-hand knowledge of this heart-wrenching problem.   As many of you are aware, I've been working diligently to create laws that will prevent victims from being defrauded into relationships.  I'm happy to report that on October 21, 2015, I'll be testifying before legislators in New York State about this problem. In order to effectively get the message across, I'd like to hear real-life cases of victims who fell prey to a Catfish Profiles in New York State. If you are age 55 or older and met a person …

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Gaslighting in real life

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Here on Lovefraud, we often talk about "gaslighting," which is a strategy employed by sociopaths to exert control over their targets. According to Wikipedia: Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The term comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman. In this movie, the villain, G …

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