Realizing that you're involved with a sociopath is heartbreaking, devastating, earth-shattering. But, as bad as it is, good can come out of the experience. You can gain a better understanding of the world and the people in it. You can gain a better understanding of yourself. And, if you commit yourself to recovery, you can come out the other side healthier than ever, with an opportunity for true happiness. I've written about this quite a bit here on Lovefraud. In my second of two articles for YourTango, I've expressed this view to a wider audience. You can read it by clicking the link below. 7 reasons loving a cheater is the best gift you'll ever give yourself, on YourTango.com. BTW I …
Are you a senior living in New York? Did you meet a liar on the Internet?
By Joyce M. Short Catfish Profiles are personal write-ups containing fictitious information, and they are prolific in internet dating. And all too many participants here on Lovefraud have first-hand knowledge of this heart-wrenching problem. As many of you are aware, I've been working diligently to create laws that will prevent victims from being defrauded into relationships. I'm happy to report that on October 21, 2015, I'll be testifying before legislators in New York State about this problem. In order to effectively get the message across, I'd like to hear real-life cases of victims who fell prey to a Catfish Profiles in New York State. If you are age 55 or older and met a person …
Are you a senior living in New York? Did you meet a liar on the Internet?Read More
Gaslighting in real life
Here on Lovefraud, we often talk about "gaslighting," which is a strategy employed by sociopaths to exert control over their targets. According to Wikipedia: Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The term comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman. In this movie, the villain, G …
Highly Sensitive People are perfect targets for sociopaths
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as “emotionallyraped.” I visualize a spectrum for 'living beings' on an emotional scale ”¦”¦ from the HSP (highly sensitive people) at one extreme, to sociopaths at the other extreme. I've taken excerpts from some reading online. ----------- The personality trait highly sensitive people, which was first researched by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., in the early 1990s, is relatively common, with as many as one in five people, or 20% of the population, possessing it. (Taken from Huffington post) Psychologist Martha Stout — who was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School for 25 years — estimates in her boo …
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Why you weren’t thinking clearly when you fell for the sociopath
Romantic love really does wreak havoc on your brain chemistry. In fact, love has pretty much the same effect on your brain as cocaine. Berit Brogaard has written a book called On Romantic Love: Simple Truths about a Complex Emotion. Brogaard writes: When you fall in love with someone, norepinephrine fills you with raucous energy, serotonin boosts your self-confidence, and dopamine generates a feeling of pleasure. New love is a kind of love addiction but not yet a kind of pathological love addiction. In falling in love, however, the brain is on crack—a dangerous state of mind. An excerpt from the book was published on Salon.com. It explains, in detail, how parts of the brain are affected by t …
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My Story of Lies: His Lies to Me and the Lies I Told Myself
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as “Gaslit073168.” I met him in spring of 2014 through an online dating site. He was so honest in his profile (sarcasm now, in awe then) about being imperfect. Depression was his biggest flaw, in his eyes. He was sad because his kids live in Japan where he can only see them when he can financially manage to make the trip. It's been this way for a couple years because his now ex wife left him and decided to go home to her family in Japan. This wasn't the only reason he was depressed. He had brain cancer in 1998 that caused him to be legally blind in one eye, a huge bald patch across the back of his head and no tee …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I still love the stupid jerk – what is wrong with me?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we'll call “Lila” she posts as "gruuvygirl." Like many of the women I see on this site, I stumbled here while searching for answers as to why my four-year relationship is so incredibly painful and why I keep going back for more pain and heartache. I feel like I have lost my mind. At the beginning, our relationship was awesome. I was soooo happy because I thought I had finally found “the one” — my soul mate! He was handsome, drove a Harley, liked to do the same things I do, he was friendly and everyone liked him (I thought), he had a house on the lake and a job, but mostly he seemed to adore me. But even at the beginning t …
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Marriage to the narcissist was bad, but divorcing him was worse
Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call “Mary-Louise.” I was married for 9 years to a man who is a malignant narcissist, very similar to a sociopath. I have 2 kids and we share legal custody. I thought being married to him was bad, but divorcing him is worse in a lot of ways. He had a sex and gambling addiction. He works as a fitness coach for adults and loved the automatic authority that gave him. He took full advantage of the women clients and had affairs with many of them. This was unknown to me until we separated. There were several women he had on-going affairs with over the course of 10 years. Regularly he would invite his fitness clients over to our house f …
Marriage to the narcissist was bad, but divorcing him was worseRead More
BOOK REVIEW: The Wise Lesbian’s Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships
Exploiters are everywhere. Personality disordered individuals can be found in all demographic groups male, female, rich, poor, all races, all religions, all nationalities and all sexual orientations. Amber Ault, Ph.D. is s clinical sociologist and a psychotherapist, and also a member of the Lovefraud Continuing Education team. She's written a book called The Wise Lesbian's Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making Relationships and Getting On with Your Life. Reading the book, I was struck by how much exploitative behavior is the same, no matter what community is involved. There are some dimensions to the experience of becoming involved with a sociopath that are specific to the gay community, …
BOOK REVIEW: The Wise Lesbian’s Guide to Getting Free from Crazy-Making RelationshipsRead More
Tom Guida, aka Tom Gatto – fake psychologist, fake Special Forces, fake brain cancer patient – is charged with bigamy
By Donna Andersen Thomas A. Guida, 52, of Toms River, New Jersey, arrived in court on May 29, 2015 to face a charge of bigamy filed by one of his wives. Mrs. Guida signed a complaint against him on February 18, 2015, after receiving Facebook messages about another woman he is married to, a woman he was engaged to, and a woman he was cheating with. Each woman believed she was in an exclusive relationship with Tom Guida, planning a future with a true American hero. They were all wrong. Tom told all the women that he was a Ph.D. psychotherapist who specialized in traumatic stress and bereavement counseling, going into dangerous situations as a first responder. In reality, he is not licensed for …