Many people think that women who've been snared by a psychopathic con artist are weak, gullible and lacking in self-esteem. Well, many people are wrong. In a recent article for SheKnows.com, author Kiri Blakeley lists seven traits that make women vulnerable to psychopaths. They're not what you may think. Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com, was quoted in the article. 7 traits psychopaths are attracted to, on SheKnows.com. …
Married To A Sociopath — How It All Began
My Story Since ending what turned into a toxic marriage, suffering through a divorce from hell, and enduring severe post-divorce emotional, legal, and financial aftershocks, I have educated myself about sociopaths. It is clear to me now that my ex-husband and the father of my children is a sociopath. By sharing my story and painfully gained insights in my book Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned, and on the lovefraud.com website, I hope to help others identify some of the markers that indicate someone in their life might be a sociopath as well as to recognize and offset the qualities in oneself—as in all of us—that encourage us to give t …
Checklist: Is your partner a sociopath?
Almost every day, I receive email from people who have discovered Lovefraud and have a burning question to ask me: "Am I involved with a sociopath?" I've heard this question so many times that I've finally created a quick and easy way to help answer it Lovefraud's "Is your partner a sociopath?" checklist. The 29 items on the checklist are drawn from the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey, which was completed by more than 1,300 respondents in 2012. It identifies the behaviors that people who were in relationships with sociopaths experienced and witnessed, time and time again. These are the same behaviors I continue to hear about from hundreds of readers. So if you are wondering …
7 reasons loving a cheater can be a gift
Realizing that you're involved with a sociopath is heartbreaking, devastating, earth-shattering. But, as bad as it is, good can come out of the experience. You can gain a better understanding of the world and the people in it. You can gain a better understanding of yourself. And, if you commit yourself to recovery, you can come out the other side healthier than ever, with an opportunity for true happiness. I've written about this quite a bit here on Lovefraud. In my second of two articles for YourTango, I've expressed this view to a wider audience. You can read it by clicking the link below. 7 reasons loving a cheater is the best gift you'll ever give yourself, on YourTango.com. BTW I …
Are you a senior living in New York? Did you meet a liar on the Internet?
By Joyce M. Short Catfish Profiles are personal write-ups containing fictitious information, and they are prolific in internet dating. And all too many participants here on Lovefraud have first-hand knowledge of this heart-wrenching problem. As many of you are aware, I've been working diligently to create laws that will prevent victims from being defrauded into relationships. I'm happy to report that on October 21, 2015, I'll be testifying before legislators in New York State about this problem. In order to effectively get the message across, I'd like to hear real-life cases of victims who fell prey to a Catfish Profiles in New York State. If you are age 55 or older and met a person …
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Gaslighting in real life
Here on Lovefraud, we often talk about "gaslighting," which is a strategy employed by sociopaths to exert control over their targets. According to Wikipedia: Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The term comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman. In this movie, the villain, G …
Highly Sensitive People are perfect targets for sociopaths
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as “emotionallyraped.” I visualize a spectrum for 'living beings' on an emotional scale ”¦”¦ from the HSP (highly sensitive people) at one extreme, to sociopaths at the other extreme. I've taken excerpts from some reading online. ----------- The personality trait highly sensitive people, which was first researched by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D., in the early 1990s, is relatively common, with as many as one in five people, or 20% of the population, possessing it. (Taken from Huffington post) Psychologist Martha Stout — who was a clinical instructor in psychiatry at Harvard Medical School for 25 years — estimates in her boo …
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Why you weren’t thinking clearly when you fell for the sociopath
Romantic love really does wreak havoc on your brain chemistry. In fact, love has pretty much the same effect on your brain as cocaine. Berit Brogaard has written a book called On Romantic Love: Simple Truths about a Complex Emotion. Brogaard writes: When you fall in love with someone, norepinephrine fills you with raucous energy, serotonin boosts your self-confidence, and dopamine generates a feeling of pleasure. New love is a kind of love addiction but not yet a kind of pathological love addiction. In falling in love, however, the brain is on crack—a dangerous state of mind. An excerpt from the book was published on Salon.com. It explains, in detail, how parts of the brain are affected by t …
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My Story of Lies: His Lies to Me and the Lies I Told Myself
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as “Gaslit073168.” I met him in spring of 2014 through an online dating site. He was so honest in his profile (sarcasm now, in awe then) about being imperfect. Depression was his biggest flaw, in his eyes. He was sad because his kids live in Japan where he can only see them when he can financially manage to make the trip. It's been this way for a couple years because his now ex wife left him and decided to go home to her family in Japan. This wasn't the only reason he was depressed. He had brain cancer in 1998 that caused him to be legally blind in one eye, a huge bald patch across the back of his head and no tee …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I still love the stupid jerk – what is wrong with me?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we'll call “Lila” she posts as "gruuvygirl." Like many of the women I see on this site, I stumbled here while searching for answers as to why my four-year relationship is so incredibly painful and why I keep going back for more pain and heartache. I feel like I have lost my mind. At the beginning, our relationship was awesome. I was soooo happy because I thought I had finally found “the one” — my soul mate! He was handsome, drove a Harley, liked to do the same things I do, he was friendly and everyone liked him (I thought), he had a house on the lake and a job, but mostly he seemed to adore me. But even at the beginning t …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I still love the stupid jerk – what is wrong with me?Read More