How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: An intense relationship, until he threw me back

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Editor's note: This letter was sent in by Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Renata." I know, as far as abuse stories go, this isn't a doozy. I'm sure other women and men have gone through far worse. And that is precisely why I want to share my story, because, even though this guy isn't a major abuser, he's a manipulative, conniving and voracious predator. He will believe he is using his charm and "kindness" to befriend women who are vulnerable and heartbroken, giving them something to feel good about, over and over. He will lead them down the rosy garden path, all the while knowing that he has NO intention of reciprocating a safe and loving relationship. He only uses his "victims" for …

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Narcissistic men and hostility towards women

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Psychologist Dr Scott Keiller from Kent State University at Tuscarawas conducted a study with 104 men to measure attitudes regarding traditional roles of men and women. He found that narcissistic heterosexual men are more likely to have hostility toward heterosexual women than toward gay women or men.  The narcissists perceive heterosexual women as having more control over whether their sexual desires are fulfilled. A man with attitude, from Science Centric Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.   …

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Letters to Lovefraud: He flat out admits he is a sociopath

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by 26 year-old Lovefraud reader “Clarissa.” Names have been changed. My name is Clarissa. I have just ended a relationship with someone who I believe is a sociopath. I'm having a difficult time accepting and trying to understand this relationship and getting over the events that occurred. Reconnecting with Blain after so many years I will call my ex “Blain.” I had dated him briefly in high school and broke up with him. He randomly contacted me online 9 years later and was very persistent in me going for a coffee with him. At first I ignored him but when I saw he kept messaging me I said ok, I ended up meeting him and didn't think anything …

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Married to a Sociopath: Illusions and Distractions

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By Quinn Pierce I watched a special on television once about a magician.  The show revealed secrets behind the magician's act.  I remember watching the assistant disappear through a trap door.  The door was situated beneath a table that was sitting on an angle which the audience couldn't see. It occurred to me that living with a sociopath is not unlike living with a magician.  A sociopathic spouse creates an illusionary life complete with spontaneous tricks, secrets, and a hidden escape route. Distraction With a Touch of Flair Most arguments within my marriage were subject to a minimum requirement of drama.  It was very unusual for a topic to be discussed at face value; usually, my ex …

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Research on trusting your gut

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Lovefraud advocates trusting your gut, instincts or intuition when it comes to romantic relationships. Jim McNulty, a psychology professor at Florida State University, just published research that tested how "automatic attitudes" and "semi-conscious attitudes" predicted long-term happiness in romantic relationships. Gut feelings might be best predictors of marital bliss, on IndividualHealthNews.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.   …

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John R. Sperry threatened his wife, Joyce Jaccodie – and then made good on it

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By Stacey Jaccodie As a child, I didn't recognize the signs but they were all there. Sadly, we dubbed my mother's ex-husband's antics: Stupid Sperry tricks. My mother laughed off and even poked at the lion at times, never understanding the danger that lurked beneath the mask. My mother married a sociopath. She didn't know it. No one knew it. It took me years into my adulthood to finally unravel his background and investigate his psyche to learn it. I am not a doctor — I am the daughter of a victim of a sociopath who knows far more today than I'd ever wished for. In 1969, Joyce Jaccodie was a 33-year-old widow with three young daughters to raise. She later met and married a decorated w …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 2)

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Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "WalkingInLight." Read Part 1 here. Towards the end of our separation a man rang me from S's church to see if he could help S and I get back together. He told me he had spoken to S and was now speaking to me to see if he could help. I told him I still loved S but really believed he did not love me. This man said he would talk to S the next time he saw him. Now I have to say that I had not been going to this man's church for a couple of years because the teaching had taken a ”˜strange turn,' so I was at a different church to my husband. Even though my husband agreed about the teaching, he said he couldn't leave that church …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 1)

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Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "WalkingInLight." Part 2 will be posted tomorrow. I am sharing my story with you to clarify it all in my own head and to see if I should be moving out of this relationship. The trouble is, I have been in this marriage for 20 years (minus some years of separation) and though I know it's not normal, I have got used to it, and don't know if it is bad enough to leave, even though I have no love, trust or respect for this man left. I feel he has killed it all. I am confused because we are not living in a hostile way to each other, so I don't know if it would be more harmful to my children to leave. Here is my story. Sorry in …

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Talking openly about domestic violence

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Leslie Morgan Steiner wrote the book Crazy Love about being involved with a man who routinely abused her. In this TED talk from last year, she describes how she was drawn into the relationship, and why she didn't leave. Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave, on Ted.com. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.   …

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My Marriage To A Sociopath: Lessons Learned

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by Quinn Pierce It's fall in the Northeast.  The long humid days of summer have been replaced by crisp autumn air, while vibrant, painted leaves cover sidewalks. It's usually my favorite time of year, but I have to admit that this particular change in seasons has been challenging.  Instead of enjoying the beautiful scenery and bright sunshine, I've spent most of my days sitting in the interchangeable waiting rooms of doctors, lawyers, counselors, principals, etc, trying to help my children heal while protecting them from their father. Time to Reflect on Change Sitting in these impersonal, and sometimes, over-crowded waiting rooms, I have had lots of time to reflect upon my fifteen y …

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