By Quinn Pierce I watched a special on television once about a magician. The show revealed secrets behind the magician's act. I remember watching the assistant disappear through a trap door. The door was situated beneath a table that was sitting on an angle which the audience couldn't see. It occurred to me that living with a sociopath is not unlike living with a magician. A sociopathic spouse creates an illusionary life complete with spontaneous tricks, secrets, and a hidden escape route. Distraction With a Touch of Flair Most arguments within my marriage were subject to a minimum requirement of drama. It was very unusual for a topic to be discussed at face value; usually, my ex …
Research on trusting your gut
Lovefraud advocates trusting your gut, instincts or intuition when it comes to romantic relationships. Jim McNulty, a psychology professor at Florida State University, just published research that tested how "automatic attitudes" and "semi-conscious attitudes" predicted long-term happiness in romantic relationships. Gut feelings might be best predictors of marital bliss, on IndividualHealthNews.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
John R. Sperry threatened his wife, Joyce Jaccodie – and then made good on it
By Stacey Jaccodie As a child, I didn't recognize the signs but they were all there. Sadly, we dubbed my mother's ex-husband's antics: Stupid Sperry tricks. My mother laughed off and even poked at the lion at times, never understanding the danger that lurked beneath the mask. My mother married a sociopath. She didn't know it. No one knew it. It took me years into my adulthood to finally unravel his background and investigate his psyche to learn it. I am not a doctor — I am the daughter of a victim of a sociopath who knows far more today than I'd ever wished for. In 1969, Joyce Jaccodie was a 33-year-old widow with three young daughters to raise. She later met and married a decorated w …
John R. Sperry threatened his wife, Joyce Jaccodie – and then made good on itRead More
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 2)
Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "WalkingInLight." Read Part 1 here. Towards the end of our separation a man rang me from S's church to see if he could help S and I get back together. He told me he had spoken to S and was now speaking to me to see if he could help. I told him I still loved S but really believed he did not love me. This man said he would talk to S the next time he saw him. Now I have to say that I had not been going to this man's church for a couple of years because the teaching had taken a ”˜strange turn,' so I was at a different church to my husband. Even though my husband agreed about the teaching, he said he couldn't leave that church …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 2)Read More
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 1)
Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "WalkingInLight." Part 2 will be posted tomorrow. I am sharing my story with you to clarify it all in my own head and to see if I should be moving out of this relationship. The trouble is, I have been in this marriage for 20 years (minus some years of separation) and though I know it's not normal, I have got used to it, and don't know if it is bad enough to leave, even though I have no love, trust or respect for this man left. I feel he has killed it all. I am confused because we are not living in a hostile way to each other, so I don't know if it would be more harmful to my children to leave. Here is my story. Sorry in …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I’m at a loss about what to do (Part 1)Read More
Talking openly about domestic violence
Leslie Morgan Steiner wrote the book Crazy Love about being involved with a man who routinely abused her. In this TED talk from last year, she describes how she was drawn into the relationship, and why she didn't leave. Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave, on Ted.com. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
My Marriage To A Sociopath: Lessons Learned
by Quinn Pierce It's fall in the Northeast. The long humid days of summer have been replaced by crisp autumn air, while vibrant, painted leaves cover sidewalks. It's usually my favorite time of year, but I have to admit that this particular change in seasons has been challenging. Instead of enjoying the beautiful scenery and bright sunshine, I've spent most of my days sitting in the interchangeable waiting rooms of doctors, lawyers, counselors, principals, etc, trying to help my children heal while protecting them from their father. Time to Reflect on Change Sitting in these impersonal, and sometimes, over-crowded waiting rooms, I have had lots of time to reflect upon my fifteen y …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: People like him don’t change
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call "Ethel." I too married a Sociopath although it took way to long for me to see through the lies ”¦ I found out he had been cheating with numerous women ”¦ One day as he kept hanging up on me, I dialed his cell repeatedly in anger. As I kept pushing the #'s, miraculously, for some reason, his voicemail started to play and a woman's voice was saying what time he should pick her up, what restaurant reservations were made ”¦ Well, confused at who it may be, I never said anything, but continued to check the messages daily. The messages seemed a little like business but I went with my gut and went online to ch …
Why being lied to is worse than being the liar
Psychiatrist Anna Fels explains why people who have been lied to over a long period of time find it difficult to recover. Great Betrayals, on NYTimes.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
The journey from pain to peace
The Lovefraud reader "Kataroux" has been struggling with the profound betrayal she endured at the hands of a charming young sociopath who turned out to be nothing more than a parasite. She told her entire story in the post from September 25, 2013, entitled How I was duped by a young sociopath and believed all his lies until now! On October 4, Kataroux posted the following comment on Lovefraud: As I sit here tonight I find myself wondering how I ever let something like this happen to me and yet I know the answer. I just buried my husband and wanted to feel loved again and Spath jumped in with promises of a wonderful future and I bent over backwards to give him just that. Notice I said …