How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Spiritual encouragement for survivors

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Editor's note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we've heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation. A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful. For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the suppor …

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Why we fall for the con

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All of us who have been conned by sociopaths ask ourselves, why did I fall for it? How could I have been so stupid to trust him (or her)? Well, it turns out that there's a chemical reason—oxytocin. According to an article on Psychologytoday.com: Social interactions engage a powerful brain circuit that releases the neurochemical oxytocin when we are trusted and induces a desire to reciprocate the trust we have been shown—even with strangers. Read How to run a con, on Psychologytoday.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Will Allen Jordan, bigamist and sex offender, on the loose in New Jersey

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Lovefraud has just posted a new True Lovefraud Story about Will Allen Jordan, a con man, bigamist and sex offender who, from our information, has returned to New Jersey and is trolling dating sites looking for his next victim. I've heard a lot of stories about sociopaths, and this guy is one of the worst. He has the ability, often found in sociopathic cult leaders, to get into the minds of his victims and twist their thinking. He is frightening. Will Allen Jordan had a criminal record in the United States, where he was born. In 1992, he seduced a British woman and left the country with her, moving to the UK. He was able to start a new life, but he didn't change his ways. In 2000, he …

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A holiday story for the 20-40 crowd

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This week we received a letter from a concerned mother of a young adult. In anticipation of the winter holidays I put it up (with some editing) and ask all of you who are struggling with leaving a sociopath to leave now out of respect for your parents and other family members who love you. If you are thinking of going back consider this story and your own family. A mother's story It was whirlwind intense romance, she dropped out of (school) to be with him. There is a huge physical attraction. He has had a very dysfunctional childhood, from a very successful family, has been on the streets since (his teens) (in and out of foster care), has been in prison for assault with a knife, …

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Normal behavior and the sociopath

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Last week I did something that I really didn't want to do. Thursday evening, I went out in the cold and rain to sit through a “customer appreciation” dinner at the dealership where we leased our car. My husband, Terry, wanted to go, but he couldn't, because he just had knee surgery and was supposed to stay off his feet. So he put on his best smile and cajoled me into going. The event included a drawing for a big, flat-screen TV, and to win, all we had to do was show up. There wouldn't be many people there, so our chances were good. I knew I wouldn't win the TV. I'm not the lucky one—he is. Plus, we don't need a TV. The one we have is fine. But Terry, like most men, is a gadget guy. He reall …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She wanted complete power and control over my dad and all his affairs

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Editor's note: Even in old age, sociopaths do not give up their predatory game. I've heard several stories of sociopathic senior citizens, still looking for targets. Following is one of them, submitted by a reader who we'll call “Edith.” After 40-plus years of marriage my mother died, leaving my Dad, in his 60's, bereft and vulnerable ”¦ Within a few weeks this loving man, known for his kindness, empathy and ethical character, told me about a woman in his widow/widower support group who was being very persistent in suggesting they go out for coffee or a walk and that he "wasn't ready for that." BUT HE FELT SO SORRY FOR HER because she couldn't stop crying (pity play that seemed normal und …

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BOOK REVIEW: The Disease to Please

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By Ox Drover When I picked up and started reading The Disease to Please—Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome, by Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., not everything resonated with me, though I have always tried to “please people,” especially those close to me. There was a great deal of the book, though, that did resonate and validate the similarities between “women who love psychopaths,” as described in the book by that name by Dr. Liane Leedom and Sandra Brown, and “people-pleasers.” Dr. Braiker is a practicing clinical psychologist with 25 years experience and is author of several books. This one defines “people-pleasers” as: not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. …

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We Can Only Do What We Can Do

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By Ox Drover I was thinking about a blog post and reply that had gone on between another poster and myself on Lovefraud about trying to “help” others see the “light” and get away from their own personal psychopath. I mulled over what I had done in my life in trying to “fix” others by coming up with a solution that they could take to ease their pain from their prior bad choices. I would wrack my brain up and down, left and right, to try to come up with a “plan” that would help these people “fix” whatever mess they got into of their own free will. Some people would call this “co-dependent” and others would call this “enabling.” Whatever term you want to apply to it, I called it “helpin …

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Lovefraud extra: Let’s support Sandra Boss

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The kidnapping trial of "Clark Rockefeller" the psychopathic con artist who is charged with parental kidnapping is happening at the time of this writing. The defense is claiming "insanity" and attacking Sandra Boss for having fallen for his lies. A survey of internet blogs reveals public abuse of Sandra. Please add your comments in support of Sandra to the blogs, particularly this one http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/06/rockefellers_2.html. To watch the trial live visit:http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/specials/05_28_09_Rockefeller_live_video/ This is outrageous,Sandra was worked over by the defense. Someone (perhaps an attorney who reads this blog) …

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Love, sex, your brain and sociopaths

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Ever since the beginning of recorded history, humans have been trying to understand and explain the mysteries of love and sex. Over the past few decades, scientists started using specialized equipment to measure physical arousal by attaching devices to private parts. More recently, they've been observing the most important romantic organ in the human body—the brain. Forbes wrote about the research of Andreas Bartels, Ph.D., at the Imperial College of London. Bartels used a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine, which can capture images of brain activity, to pinpoint the areas of the brain that are activated by love. Bartles did a study of 17 people who were madly in l …

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