How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Antisocials, psychopaths and sex: What you need to know

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UPDATED FOR 2020 Most Lovefraud readers are here because you were, or are, romantically involved with someone who has a serious personality disorder. Usually romance leads to sex, although you may have noticed that sex with a an antisocial or psychopath isn't particularly romantic. The sex may be exciting, erotic and adventurous. But if you're looking for a true connection, the "sacred conjunction," you're not going to find it with an antisocial or psychopath, and here's why: Power, control and sex According to Dr. Liane Leedom, people who have antisocial or psychopathic personality disorder want three things in life: Power, control and sex. Often, sex is simply an extension of …

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Sociopathic seduction: As long as it takes

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UPDATED FOR 2019 I confess. I am one of those people who fell for the sociopathic seduction. I was swept up in the excitement, sex and love bombing by the sociopath and committed to the relationship far too quickly. James Montgomery proposed to me four days after we met in person. I said yes. I sometimes excuse myself by explaining that we'd been corresponding via e-mail for about a month after meeting online, so it wasn't like I only knew him for four days. But then, of course, a month isn't very long either. I take some comfort in the fact that I am certainly not alone. Many, many people describe the beginning of their relationship with a sociopath as a "whirlwind romance." In …

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Why you can become addicted to a sociopath

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Updated for 2019 Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: Why can't I get past this jerk? Why do I feel like there is something wrong with me? You see he dumped me for a female version of himself, i.e., drug dealer, liar, manipulator, violent — and he is stringing me along bad mouthing her to me and vice versa. Never in a million years would I think I would even associate myself with someone like that! Yet I'm beating myself up - why not me?? I should be grateful!! Why am I still pining for this creep? Many, many Lovefraud readers have described the same confusion: I realize now that the person is a sociopath. I know he betrayed me. I know he is bad for me. But I still love …

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15 typical crises sociopaths create in our lives — and how to start your recovery

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Sociopaths can drain us of everything we've got. By the time many of us understand that we're dealing with a human predator, we look around and realize that we are depleted in many areas of our lives. Here are 15 typical crises caused by sociopaths: Our money is gone. We are heavily in debt and our credit is gone. Our housing situation is perilous — we are homeless, in danger of becoming homeless, or stuck living with the sociopath. We don't have reliable transportation. We're not working — the sociopath promised to support us, or we're working for the sociopath, or we are so stressed that we can't work. We've been isolated from family and friends. The sociopath has …

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Dating apps lead to stronger marriages — really?

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In the most recent issue of the Wall Street Journal (August 31, 2019), an essay extolls the miracle of dating apps. I read it with skepticism. Dating apps are making marriages stronger, by Dr. Peggy Drexler, on WSJ.com. To read the full article, you need to be a Wall Street Journal subscriber. So if you're not a subscriber, here's a summary: Research shows, according to the author, that online dating leads to better romantic compatibility and stronger marriages. In 2013, a University of Chicago study found that couples who met online had a higher "relationship quality" and a 25% lower rate of separation and divorce. The study also found that anonymous online communication …

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50 classic warning signs of sociopathic behavior in one BBC story

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A Lovefraud reader recently sent me a story from the BBC about a relationship with a sociopath, although the article never comes out and says it. Here's the summary: When Anna, an actress, fell in love with an older and more successful actor he seemed like the perfect man. They quickly became engaged - but then he began to change. It took time for her to realise that her fairytale romance had become an abusive relationship. The article highlights typical behavior of a predatory sociopath, and the typical responses of his unsuspecting target. I point out 50 warning signs below. But first, I invite you to read the article. Emotional abuse: 'My fiancé seemed perfect - but he wanted to …

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Deception: the sociopath’s key strategy

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My blog article last week was entitled, Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid. I related several stories of people who thought they were in romantic relationships, but everything their so-called partners told them was a lie. One woman lost $100,000. Another lost her life. In response to the article, I received the following comment from a reader: I’ve figured out that the common denominator with all these love scams, is lack of SELF love! Why are there so many ppl that don’t love themselves enough to not place themselves in these crazy scenarios? In some cases, there may be truth to this observation — yes, some people do not think highly of themselves. But I do …

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Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid

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A woman from Queensland, Australia, trying to help her online lover, found herself in the middle of a $6 million romance scam. The 60-year-old woman met the man, who claimed to be American, 18 months ago. He convinced her to send him $100,000 of her own money. Then she gave the man her bank details, and he deposited $6 million into her account — money that had been swindled from a South Korean business. In a news article on ABC.net.au, Detective Senior Sergeant Daren Edwards gave his opinion of the woman's actions in the romance scam: "I think it's just blatant stupidity — there's no other word for it." Those of us who've lost money to sociopathic love interests usually do feel stu …

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7 Classic lies from sociopaths and how to spot them

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Sociopaths lie. No matter what type of relationship you have with a sociopath — romantic, family, business or casual — sooner or later the sociopath will lie to you. The circumstances may vary, the scale of the lie may vary, but at some point the sociopath will tell you something that simply isn't true. Following are seven classic lies from sociopaths (people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders). How many have you heard? I love you Sociopaths are incapable of love, as you and I understand it. Real love includes caregiving, and sociopaths simply cannot put someone else's well being before their own. How …

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10 mistakes to avoid when leaving a sociopath

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Ending a relationship with a sociopath is not a normal break-up. Sociopaths (people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders) do not pursue romantic relationships in search of mutual love and companionship. They are looking for someone to use in some way — such as for money, sex, or to siphon off your emotional energy. Therefore, when you end a relationship with a sociopath, you can't get together, hug, cry and wish each other well, as you might with a normal person. When leaving a sociopath, you need to be strategic. Here are 10 mistakes to avoid: Thinking you can still be friends You may still be c …

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