Seduced by a sociopath

Sometimes evil sociopaths will tell us exactly who they are. Unfortunately, many of us refuse to believe them. I've heard this many times from Lovefraud readers. Their romantic partner said things like: "I'm really not a very nice person." "You should get away from me. I'll ruin your life." "I'm a sociopath." But instead of running for the hills, the people who heard these statements stayed in the relationships. Needless to say, they turned out badly. Why do we do it? Why, when someone comes out and tells us that they will hurt us — at least emotionally, if not worse — why do we ignore the warning and stay? I can think of several reasons: We do not know that sociopaths ex …

Evil sociopaths: When they reveal themselves, believe themRead More

Editor's note: Here's a letter Lovefraud received from a reader whom we'll call Irene20. She missed the red flags of a sociopath. I met my "soul mate" on a dating website called Zoosk. The first date I went out with him I found him physically attractive but he was distracted and I felt he was rude so I shortened the date and left. He then asked me out to lunch and I thought, I'll give him another chance, and that was a much better experience. It wasn't until the third date that we really connected. The third date he was charming, attentive, complimentary, and romantic. I had a little too much to drink by accident because I had gone on the date with a headache and it went straight to my …

I missed the red flags of a sociopathRead More

UPDATED FOR 2020: We discover that our romantic partner is a complete and utter fake, and we wonder how in the world we could ever fall for a con artist. The proclamations of love, the stories of his or her past — nothing was true. All the money that our partner desperately needed — or promised would buy a life of luxury for the two of us — well, that evaporated into expensive and unnecessary toys, or a secret life with one or more other lovers (targets). When it finally sinks in that we've been conned, the first question we ask of ourselves is, "How could I have been so stupid?" Followed by, "Why didn't I see this coming?" Feeling like chumps, we come down really hard on ourse …

5 reasons why we fall for a con artistRead More

UPDATED FOR 2019 I confess. I am one of those people who fell for the sociopathic seduction. I was swept up in the excitement, sex and love bombing by the sociopath and committed to the relationship far too quickly. James Montgomery proposed to me four days after we met in person. I said yes. I sometimes excuse myself by explaining that we'd been corresponding via e-mail for about a month after meeting online, so it wasn't like I only knew him for four days. But then, of course, a month isn't very long either. I take some comfort in the fact that I am certainly not alone. Many, many people describe the beginning of their relationship with a sociopath as a "whirlwind romance." In …

Sociopathic seduction: As long as it takesRead More

Updated for 2019 Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: Why can't I get past this jerk? Why do I feel like there is something wrong with me? You see he dumped me for a female version of himself, i.e., drug dealer, liar, manipulator, violent — and he is stringing me along bad mouthing her to me and vice versa. Never in a million years would I think I would even associate myself with someone like that! Yet I'm beating myself up - why not me?? I should be grateful!! Why am I still pining for this creep? Many, many Lovefraud readers have described the same confusion: I realize now that the person is a sociopath. I know he betrayed me. I know he is bad for me. But I still love …

Why you can become addicted to a sociopathRead More

In the most recent issue of the Wall Street Journal (August 31, 2019), an essay extolls the miracle of dating apps. I read it with skepticism. Dating apps are making marriages stronger, by Dr. Peggy Drexler, on WSJ.com. To read the full article, you need to be a Wall Street Journal subscriber. So if you're not a subscriber, here's a summary: Research shows, according to the author, that online dating leads to better romantic compatibility and stronger marriages. In 2013, a University of Chicago study found that couples who met online had a higher "relationship quality" and a 25% lower rate of separation and divorce. The study also found that anonymous online communication …

Dating apps lead to stronger marriages — really?Read More

A Lovefraud reader recently sent me a story from the BBC about a relationship with a sociopath, although the article never comes out and says it. Here's the summary: When Anna, an actress, fell in love with an older and more successful actor he seemed like the perfect man. They quickly became engaged - but then he began to change. It took time for her to realise that her fairytale romance had become an abusive relationship. The article highlights typical behavior of a predatory sociopath, and the typical responses of his unsuspecting target. I point out 50 warning signs below. But first, I invite you to read the article. Emotional abuse: 'My fiancé seemed perfect - but he wanted to …

50 classic warning signs of sociopathic behavior in one BBC storyRead More

My blog article last week was entitled, Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid. I related several stories of people who thought they were in romantic relationships, but everything their so-called partners told them was a lie. One woman lost $100,000. Another lost her life. In response to the article, I received the following comment from a reader: I’ve figured out that the common denominator with all these love scams, is lack of SELF love! Why are there so many ppl that don’t love themselves enough to not place themselves in these crazy scenarios? In some cases, there may be truth to this observation — yes, some people do not think highly of themselves. But I do …

Deception: the sociopath’s key strategyRead More