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Recovery from a sociopath

After the Sociopath, Find the Gift in Your Pain

Editor’s note: This article refers to spiritual concepts. For more information, read Lovefraud’s statement on spiritual recovery.

By Waleuska Lazo 

So here I was grieving, crying and feeling sorry for myself. I had stayed in a situation that was not healthy for my life. Yet I stayed because avoiding that pain was a stronger emotion than facing it. The truth is I was too scared to feel pain. I was too scared to feel the absence of not having ‘that someone’ next to me. What I did not realize was that I was already facing the pain that came as a daily dose of poison. At first, you are unaware of it. It comes camouflaged with little lies and lack of affection. The doses increased with indiscretions and lack of safety.

Bikers protect kids who must testify against abusers

Guardians of the Children is a biker organization that protects victims of child abuse. When a child must testify agains an abuser in court, the bikers escort the child to the courthouse, keep the child surrounded, and sit in the courtroom during the testimony. Their actions make the children feel protected.

This organization is based in San Antonio, Texas, and has chapters in 20 states. I would like to see them everywhere.

More information:

Guardians of the Children

What I learned about trauma from my dog

Bo in my office. His tail is blurry because he is wagging it.

My husband and I adopted a five-year-old rescue dog, Bo, in July of 2016. I wrote about him when we brought him home, which you can read here:

My new dog offers a lesson in letting go, on Lovefraud.com.

Bo has been living us for over a year now, and he is an absolute joy. When I’m working, Bo usually spends the day snoozing on his cushion on the floor beside me. His internal clock tells him when it’s time for his walk, and he gets all excited — he loves going out. Who is he going to meet this time? Bo wants to approach every human, dog and even an occasional cat that happens to be along his route.

How being devastated by the sociopath helped me find love

Donna Andersen and Terry Kelly married on February 12, 2005. We are still happy and in love.

In the course of our two-and-a-half-year relationship, my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, took $227,000 from me, cheated with at least six women, had a child with one of the women, and then, 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy.

Once I learned the truth about his behavior, and realized the depth of his deception, I was totally, completely, crushed. But if I hadn’t been shattered by the sociopath, I would not have been able to love as I do now.

5 steps to recovery from the sociopath (they’re not fast or easy, but the healing is real)

Finally, you realize what is wrong with your romantic partner: He or she is a sociopath.

Finally, the behavior that was so confusing makes sense. The person you loved, and who you thought loved you, has a personality disorder. Now you realize that anything your partner told you could have been a lie. Now you know why your partner could be so cruel, then tell you how much he or she loved you, practically in the same breath. Now you realize that there never was any love, that your entire relationship was exploitation, and nothing more.

My experience with my narc ex boyfriend

Left my ex since almost 4 years now, the hell I went through with him, it’s a miracle I’m still here.

Even though I’ve left he still pops up here and there doing the hoovering manuever, which is well known for borderline narcs. He would use the silent treatment on me and it drove me crazy as at that time. I had no idea about the narcissistic personality disorder one can have.

When am I going to stop being angry?

Mary Ann GlynnBy Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT

After being in a relationship with a sociopath, clients are often conflicted by the idea of forgiveness as recommended by their faith system (I checked and all the world’s major religions admonish to forgive) as opposed to the perpetual anger they feel. As therapists, we never pressure someone who has been abused to forgive their perpetrator, because we don’t want to minimize the impact of that abuse. While someone is moving through the emotions of healing from abuse and trauma, they are going to experience quite a bit of anger, even rage, which can hang around for a long time.

If you feel an emotional void, the sociopath will step right in

I received email from a woman whom we’ll call Adriana:

I am told I am a very beautiful, intelligent, fun, woman, but that is all subjective. I am 61 years old but pass for late 40’s; good genes. I have been divorced for 10 years and engaged once during that time. I have dated so many men and feel that I have no purpose because I can’t find “him.” I don’t find most men attractive don’t have chemistry with them and I don’t want to settle. I have not been successful in love at all and have tried to look within myself to see my faults but the truth is I just want to love and be loved.

When women ‘of a certain age’ meet sociopaths

Photo by Free Digital Images.

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman whom we’ll call “Annamaria17.” Donna Andersen responds below.

I met the SP in 2006 and he was a supervisor for electric utility company where I live. Due to a power outage he was the Environmental Rep and came to my home.  He had just moved here from out of state and I immediately fell for him.  We had lunch the next day and that was when I found out he was married.  Unhappily of course.

7 steps to breaking emotional ties with a sociopath

If you’re like most people who read Lovefraud, you may know, or suspect, that the person who is creating havoc in your life is a sociopath. Whether the offending individual is a romantic partner, parent, another family member or a friend, he or she checks all, or most of, the boxes of the sociopath checklist.

You know the individual is bad for your emotional and psychological health, your wallet, and perhaps your safety. Still, you may struggle to break free.

Sometimes there are financial or legal issues that make it difficult to escape. But often the ties that bind are emotional.

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