REGISTER | LOGIN

Recovery from a sociopath

If you must fight a sociopath, you cannot be nice

Sociopaths do not believe that the rules apply to them. They do not fight fair.

Therefore, if you choose to fight a sociopath, or if you have no choice but to fight a sociopath, your own fighting style will need to become aggressive as well.

If you’re a nice person, if you typically want to do what’s fair for everyone involved — well, that doesn’t work with a sociopath. A sociopath’s objective is not to be fair. It’s to win, and possibly annihilate you in the process.

To survive the battle, you’ll need to act in a way that is probably contrary to your nature. It will be uncomfortable, but necessary.

In the New Year, the secret to true recovery from the sociopath

It’s the New Year, the perfect time to reflect on what we truly want in life. If you are or have been involved with a sociopath, your most ardent wish is probably for recovery.

Here’s the secret that will enable you to achieve your desire for recovery: All true healing is internal.

Now, you may feel like I’m stating the obvious, because you feel like crap, and you want to feel better. Or worse, you are numb, and you can’t feel anything.

Love is always a leap of faith

Lovefraud received the following email:

Hi Donna,

I’m a huge fan of LoveFraud and can’t thank you enough for making it happen. I know from your story that you’ve found a wonderful man.  So have I, and we’ve been dating about a year. He’s an upbeat, nurturing person with a great sense of humor and good boundaries!

Still, I’m finding it difficult to let go and love him. I’m really surprised how long it’s taking me to let go of my fear. (I’ve been out of my marriage 4 years and did a lot of healing before I met new guy.)

5 steps to get the sociopath out of your head

(David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I once heard from a woman whom we’ll call “Rochelle.” When Rochelle was in her 50s, through a high school reunion, she reconnected with the first boy she ever loved. Rochelle had a crush on him when she was 14. They dated for almost five years, although he always seemed to have an eye out for other girls. When they broke up, Rochelle was heartbroken, but she moved on, married, divorced, and life was reasonably good—until that first love came back into her life.

How long does it take to recover from a sociopath?

Pensive woman

Weheartit

When I talk to people who have had their hearts broken into a million pieces by a sociopath, a question that I’m frequently asked is, “How long does it take to recover?”

I wish there were an easy answer to the question, but there isn’t. Involvements with sociopaths cause serious damage to our emotions, psychology, health, finances, social connections — to our very lives.  What I can say is that recovery is certainly possible, but it will probably take longer than a typical breakup.

Not breakup — betrayal

Why is recovery from a sociopath so difficult? Because this is NOT a typical breakup — it is a profound betrayal.

5 stages of endurance to help you recover from the sociopath

Sociopaths do terrible things to us. I hear so many painful stories from Lovefraud readers — perhaps you have a similar experience:

  • You may have had your heart shattered into a million pieces
  • You may have lost your home, your job and all your money
  • You may have suffered physical assault, illness, and emotional or psychological breakdown
  • You who have lost your children, because the sociopaths got custody, poisoned the kids’ minds, or both
  • You may who have lost years of your life, time that can never be replaced

After getting rid of one sociopath, another sociopath shows up

WeHeartIt.com

I’ve heard from multiple Lovefraud readers over the years who were annoyed, angry, horrified. These readers had finally realized what they were dealing with—a sociopath. They extricated themselves from the relationships and had no further contact with the disordered individuals. And what happened? Another sociopath came into their lives.

The readers asked: What is going on? Why can’t they leave me alone? Am I a sociopath magnet?

The answer is, not necessarily. Following are some observations to add perspective to the situation.

Millions of sociopaths

These disordered individuals are everywhere. As long as we’re living on this planet, we face the possibility of running into them.

Grooming: How the religious and cultural ideas of my childhood conditioned me to accept pain and abuse

When I said that “god was my first abuser,” at our regular meeting of Parents of Sexually Abused Children, no one sucked in their breath or exhibited shock. A tough group, no one even blinked an eye.

That week’s topic, “Grooming” was assigned by Aidan, our lead Social Worker who, while she listened to us, liked to re-shape lifeless paper clips into unconventional characters that she’d stand up on an enormous art canvas she’d been creating for years and years.

12 Reasons to forgive yourself for falling for the sociopath

Photo by Merelize at FreeRange Stock Photos.

Once I figured out that my entire relationship was a scam, the person I was most angry with was myself. I really beat myself up. Why did I fall for the lies? Why was I such a chump?

Sound familiar?

Since my disastrous experience with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, one of the most important things that I’ve learned about tangling with sociopaths is that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves for believing them.

We are not stupid. We are normal, empathetic people who didn’t stand a chance against skilled predators, and here’s a dozen reasons why:

The sociopathic betrayal is not your life — it is an incident in your life

Highly sensitive peopleMany Lovefraud readers experience the phenomenon of “losing yourself” in the sociopathic relationship. Before meeting the sociopath, you may have been, for the most part, happy, confident, successful and financially stable. You had a network of people who cared about you. Yes, there was some kind of vulnerability—perhaps you were a bit lonely—and the sociopath used the vulnerability to infiltrate your life. But, for the most part, you were okay.

Then, either suddenly or slowly, your life disintegrated, and the problems you face are so immense, and so interconnected, and so overwhelming, that you don’t know where to begin unraveling them. You don’t have the energy to start. Rather than the happy and confident person you once were, you are anxious, depressed and fearful. You don’t know how you are going to survive.

Send this to a friend