How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER LOVEFRAUD: Countermeasures to deal with the sociopathic ex

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Editor's note: Here is a letter from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "GI Joe." This reader is in the military, so July 4th seemed an appropriate time to post this article. First, I want to acknowledge him and all members of the military for their service. Secondly, the answers to his questions have to do with freedom. My ex-wife and I divorced in 2012. The marriage was a nightmare that lasted more than 11 years and left me financially ruined, emotionally distressed and alone. To make matters worse, my ex moved out of state with my children, making it impossible for me to see my children on a regular basis. Since I was in a financial hurt locker, it took me years before I was able to …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Can you count the love bombing red flags?

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by reader whom we'll call “ProudMom.” This was a text conversation between my 19 yr old daughter and a guy she'd only known at work for like 2 weeks. He's already gotten her flowers, a wallet from her favorite superhero and it contained a special $2.00 bill inside of it. She saw the red flags but after making up excuses 3x previously, she was kind of worn down and was going to just humor him with one date so there wouldn't be gossip. She only saw the red flags because her sociopath father tried to kill both of us and we took classes. The creeper reminded her of her father, who was also pushy and also always carried the coveted $2.00 bi …

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Why we need to talk about our experiences with sociopaths

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Most of us at Lovefraud are here because we've been conned, duped, deceived and betrayed by a sociopath. Once we finally figure out what we are dealing with, many of us do not tell other people what really happened. We do not talk about our experiences with sociopaths. After all, it's embarrassing to admit that no, we didn't see it coming, and yes, we fell for the scam. And if we do venture to describe the sociopath's true behavior, we may be met by disbelief. "What? That charming person couldn't possibly have done that. You must have misinterpreted." We quickly learn that people do not understand what we are talking about. Either they don't believe us, or ostracize us. So we stop …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My sociopathic ex left me with only a bare grasp on reality

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Editor's Note: This letter was submitted to Lovefraud by a reader whom we'll call “Dolina.” The best way to deal with a sociopath is to avoid them altogether but that isn't always possible and of course, you have to realise that is what he is before he takes your brain and turns it into a bouncy-ball. And that they're not really as fun as the TV makes them look. It might be you. It could be even now, you realise something is horribly wrong with your relationship but you can't exactly think what it is. That even though he never outright says anything concrete, he has a way of showing you how useless, helpless, stupid and ugly you are. You're lucky to have him, he knows that and makes sure th …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Life with a sociopath ends in death

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Editor's note: Following is sad news from the Lovefraud reader "Hoping to Heal." Several years ago, I was introduced to a young vivacious couple. Both were very attractive and successful. They were charming and fun to be around. Both had lots of energy and seemed to be enjoying life to its fullest. They seemed to adore one another. While I'd never met the man before, he did have a reputation of being a real Ladies Man. He had been married before and had many relationships that he left abruptly. But, he had it All ”¦ good looks, charisma and a good job, and women were beating his door down. At the time I met this couple, I assumed he had "grown up" and gotten his act together. They looked …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my sister?

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Editor's Note: This letter was submitted  by Lovefraud reader we'll call "Elizabella." Other names in this letter have been changed. I've spent hours online searching for specific suggestions that apply to this particular situation, but am still mostly at a loss regarding how to handle it and am desperate for help. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, but there is so much to this story. I left an emotionally abusive marriage after 20 years, so I'm very familiar with how these "relationships" work and I am now convinced that my sister, Lisa, is in such a marriage, although she refuses to admit it; she has only hinted at it in the past. She has been married to him (I'll call him Ralph) …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: People will never understand I am married to a sociopath

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by reader whom we'll call “Juniper.” I have been married for 22 years and have five children. I realized the first year of our marriage that I had married a "psycho" but thought I could help him with my unconditional love and support. He is completely controlling, manipulative, abusive, selfish, and has never shown empathy or compassion to me or our children. He doesn't have relationships with his kids because he chooses not to bond with them. I stayed with him because I believed there must be some good somewhere in him, after all, he was a born again Christian, knew almost every verse in the Bible from memory and sometimes preached on …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Fluffing the pillow wrong

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the reader who calls herself "Allergic to Spandex." Other names have been changed as well. By the time my sociopath husband "The Dope" (now, thankfully, my ex) developed testicular cancer, I knew that he was not a "consultant," but a marijuana dealer who didn't even make much money at it. He explained this as noble guerrilla warfare in the fight to legalize marijuana, a cause I still agree with despite him. He claimed that the people he sold pounds of pot to made sure that it got into the hands of medical patients. This was probably a lie too, but it's how he brainwashed me when I was 18. There's cheatin' goin' on I knew that …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: My sociopath partner gave me HIV

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by a reader who calls himself "Fred." I bloomed late.  At age 53 I grew tired of a lonely and celibate life, I finally admitted to myself and others I was gay. It didn't take long to find my first boyfriend who was a super sweet, moral guy, like myself,  but after nine months it was apparent we weren't a match. Drawn to downtown guy Many months passed and I again was so lonely. I saw this guy at a downtown club. I'm not sure what the draw was. He was bald, slightly chunky but seemed to be the most beautiful guy I've ever seen. Funny now, because others tell me he's not attractive. I'll call him Adam. I tried to work up the courage …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: The only hope I have is that Karma exists

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefaud reader whom we'll call “Bessy.” A "relationship" that spanned one year will take me a lifetime, no doubt, to even try to comprehend. From my readings, which have been countless, I know there will never be "closure." This person I didn't even "invite" into my life, effortlessly wormed his way in very quickly and drove me to lose 80 pounds and become suicidal. In the blink of an eye. I would not even normally associate with this type of person he would never be in my circle of friends. Right off the bat, I had glaring red flags and ignored or explained every single one of them away Be more adventurous, I told myself. Give t …

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