Recovery from a sociopath

Those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them."---George Santayana Imagine a tape running through your head that has all the things that ever happened to you playing on a continous loop through your mind. Now, imagine that every time you look forward, every thought, idea, word, motion is filtered through that tape, again and again. Every time you think about the future, you have to look through the past. That's what happens in our heads, every day, when we remind ourselves that something which happened yesterday is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That's what happens when we don't question what we learned in the past, and drag it forward with …

Without the sociopath, a better future does not require a better pastRead More

A reader wrote in with the following: I have a question for you related to the sociopath and the therapeutic relationship, and how to regain trust in the therapeutic process when it appears to have failed you during the relationship. I have been in therapy with a therapist I trust and have bonded with for more than two years, as well as in group therapy, most of which was also parallel to the duration of my marriage to a sociopath. For a short period of time, the sociopath was in therapy with me in order to try work out the issues in our marriage. I am currently struggling to regain my trust in therapy, when I view it as having eroded the very instincts that were telling me to get …

ASK DR. LEEDOM: What about therapy?Read More

Something I struggle with on a daily basis is to be free of the past. To fearlessly let go of all that was so that I can live joyously with all that is.The Twelve Steps teaches you to become accountable and responsible for yourself. To not look to fix someone else's problems but rather, to face your own behaviours, to be accountable for your responses to someone else's behaviours and to own your responses.One of the most challenging steps for me was the 4th step -- To make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself.I would make the inventory, and when it got to those things for which I carried great shame, I'd sugar coat them, dress them up, pretty them up. I wouldn't let them …

It would be a shame to let the sociopath winRead More

I've developed an allergy that is visible on my face as a red, angry-looking rash that is very itchy and sore. The doctor isn't sure what is causing it -- neither am I. It could be the air or sun, or something environmental in the house. It is a process of recording when it flares up and if I can't eliminate the source, of undergoing allergy testing. In the meantime, the cream is starting to calm the redness and puffiness of my skin which is a relief. It's been irritating to say the least.This morning, as I applied a 'thin layer' to my face, I was wishing it would hurry up and work. Couldn't it do its job faster? Sort of like after the sociopath was removed from my life. Couldn't I hurry …

Allergic to the sociopath I take action to stay free of the allergenRead More

Once upon a time I fell in love with a dream. Well, actually, I thought I fell in love with a man, but he turned out to be a sociopath, and my life became a nightmare. But that's a whole other story about a whole other lifetime ago! (You can read about it in The Dandelion Spirit. A true life fairy tale of love, lies and letting go.) Today, my life is far different and even better than before I met the sociopath, and it's not because a man made my dreams come true! (Which is sort of what I was hoping and looking for when I met the sociopath.) My life is amazing because I am living my life to the fullest, working on making my own dreams come true and stepping with grace and dignity through …

It’s up to me!Read More

A syndrome called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can affect victims of sociopaths. The trauma of losing love, friends, family, possessions and of enduring psychological/physical abuse is the cause of this disorder. To fight the symptoms of PTSD, it is helpful to understand the symptoms and how they relate to loss and trauma. As I read through the current literature on PTSD, I quickly discovered that there is a fair amount of controversy regarding this disorder. We can actually learn about the disorder by listening to the arguments. The first question on which there is much disagreement is, “What trauma is severe enough to cause PTSD?” There were several editorials by experts dis …

“Will I ever be the same” (Part 2)Read More

In the aftermath of an encounter with a sociopath, it is easy to get stuck in the "why." Why did he/she do it? Why didn't he love me? Why did she treat me so badly? Why me? Why him? Why her? Why? Why? Why? In healing, it's imperative to let go of why to focus on "what." What can I do for myself today that will ease my aching heart? What can I do to heal? What do I need to do to reclaim my soul, my spirit, my essence? What steps can I take to lead me away from the horror and pain of yesterday to embracing myself in love today? What is important to me today? What will create more of what I want in my life rather than less? What next? I will never know why he did what he did. I will never …

Victor or victim after the sociopath is goneRead More