How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Sociopaths and family

Devaluation and the Inability to Form Emotional Attachments

//  by //  9 Comments

I'd like to start this post with a passage from the author Jesmyn Ward in Men We Reaped. Here, she talks about how she learned to undervalue herself when her dad left their family: "I looked at myself and saw a walking embodiment of everything the world around me seemed to despise: an unattractive, poor, Black woman. Undervalued by her family, a perpetual workhouse. Undervalued by society regarding her labor and her beauty. This seed buried itself in my stomach and bore fruit. I hated myself. That seed bloomed in the way I walked, slumped over, eyes on the floor, in the way I didn't even attempt to dress well, in the way I avoided the world, when I could, through reading, and in the way I …

Devaluation and the Inability to Form Emotional AttachmentsRead More

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my sister?

//  by //  25 Comments

Editor's Note: This letter was submitted  by Lovefraud reader we'll call "Elizabella." Other names in this letter have been changed. I've spent hours online searching for specific suggestions that apply to this particular situation, but am still mostly at a loss regarding how to handle it and am desperate for help. I'll try to be as succinct as possible, but there is so much to this story. I left an emotionally abusive marriage after 20 years, so I'm very familiar with how these "relationships" work and I am now convinced that my sister, Lisa, is in such a marriage, although she refuses to admit it; she has only hinted at it in the past. She has been married to him (I'll call him Ralph) …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: How can I help my sister?Read More

New book about the Susan Powell disapperance reveals abuse

//  by //  5 Comments

Gregg Olsen and Rebecca Morris released their book “If I Can't Have You: Susan Powell,”  which reveals what life was like inside the home of Susan and Josh Powell and their two young sons 7 year-old Charlie and 5 year-old Braden. According to neighbors, Josh mentally and physically abused Susan and the boys. After Susan's mysterious disappearance in 2009, her parents, Chuck and Judy Cox, cared for the boys. They began to see signs that the boys may have been sexually abused while living with their father and paternal grandfather. Susan's body has never been found.  Josh Powell blew up their home, killing his sons and himself in the explosion. Revealed: Josh Powell 'sexually abused his t …

New book about the Susan Powell disapperance reveals abuseRead More

Traumatic Bonding: When You Love Your Abuser

//  by //  56 Comments

Last Memorial Day weekend, as I was picking out flowers for my mom and dad's graves, my dad kept coming to my mind:  What flowers would he like?........Red was always his favorite color, I'll get some red flowers......I should put a little American flag with his flowers, he would like that....... There were a lot of scary, unsettling times in my life with my parents, but one thing that stayed pretty consistent was the soft spot I had for my dad.  It sounds odd, because I was terrified of him. Letting your guard down was never an option.  The smallest thing would trigger a violent rampage.  Yet, I've always had an inexplicable fondness for my dad.  There were many times during my chil …

Traumatic Bonding: When You Love Your AbuserRead More

The Sociopath as Coach, Part II

//  by //  4 Comments

Some sociopaths make the "best" coaches. At least, that's what everyone thinks at the time. So during the athletic banquet at the end of each season, people will often spend more time applauding this beloved individual than they do the young players on the team. Even if those players just broke six individual records. Parents will send "thank you" cards and gifts by the dozen to this coach. Particularly if he or she's also charming, humble, and from the same hometown. They'll talk constantly for weeks and even months about how happy they are that this particular coach came into their child's life. How this person changed everything. Built confidence. Gave a sense of accomplishment. …

The Sociopath as Coach, Part IIRead More

The Sociopath and His Dog

//  by //  48 Comments

I'll start by saying that the "his" in my title comes from the fact that this story is about my sociopathic male ex. That being said, I'm sure many of you can think of women who fit this unique description of an "animal lover." So let's begin. My ex loves to tell people how much he loves dogs. He'll also say he loves horses and sheep and cows and chickens and all other sorts of farm and wild animals, but dogs are tops. And there's something really unique about the way a sociopath "loves" a vulnerable creature. It's confusing, wonderful, horrifying, and most often blindsiding. Sometimes, it's even used to shame others. Like me. You see, a couple years ago, I had a little Frenchie-bulldog …

The Sociopath and His DogRead More

The Sociopath as Coach

//  by //  16 Comments

So I married and divorced a sociopath, but we're connected at the hip for life because we share three children. (It's been sixteen years so far.) And last year, he sued for full custody of two of them. The boys. We're still in court today, trying to work out the details of that. Because despite all the issues I've experienced in the family court system since 2007, in this instance the professionals involved did (finally) manage to ask why we're back in court and why I should lose custody. My ex had his full list of reasons, but man, I've been fighting back. Which means defending myself as a parent. Sending photographs to the guardian of the kids and I—since birth.   Reminding them …

The Sociopath as CoachRead More

Father allegedly kept teen stowaway from his mother for eight years

//  by //  1 Comment

Yahya Abdi, the teen who survived the 5 ½ hour flight in a jet  wheel well, despite extreme cold and low oxygen levels, has left Hawaii and returned to California. A relative said the boy's father was denied access. Abdi, a 15-year-old boy originally from Somalia, has not seen his mother in eight years. Abdilahi Yusuf, Abdi's father, allegedly took Abdi and his brother and sister to the United States without his mother's permission. The boy  had been told by his father that his mother was dead. Abdi recently found out that his mother was not dead; she was living in a remote refugee camp in eastern Ethiopia. With this news he hopped a fence at San Jose International Airport and climbed in …

Father allegedly kept teen stowaway from his mother for eight yearsRead More

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Reader needs advice to protect her kids

//  by //  31 Comments

Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader who goes by the name of “NomorePTSD” has a request. Can  any Lovefraud readers  offer her any advice or suggestions?  This is “NomorePTSD.” My blog post, LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath, appeared on Lovefraud in June of 2013. I talked about my healing from flashbacks that were a result of my childhood and beginning adulthood relationship with my mother, a sociopath who stalked me for 18 years, motivated largely by envy. We are doing total No Contact, and have essentially erased ourselves from the map of her world. Now I have a bit of a dilemma with privacy. My husband and I moved to a new place, bought our home in a LLC and our ca …

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Reader needs advice to protect her kidsRead More

Sociopaths, Assessments, and Court–What’s the Point?

//  by //  12 Comments

Last week in Hard to See a Psychopath, I dedicated my post to seeing psychopaths/sociopaths more clearly. I talked about the need for assessments—meaning more training for more clinicians—as a place to start in our quest to "make things better." But what's next? Let's say you're in the family court system. Does an assessment make a difference? Why start there? I thought hard about this all week. Because for the past decade or two, I've lived in a space where I know that my ex is hurting people, but I've been silenced or belittled or ignored in most arenas when I try to talk about it. And I've imagined, many times, that if people just knew the truth, it would make a difference. This wee …

Sociopaths, Assessments, and Court–What’s the Point?Read More