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New book about the Susan Powell disapperance reveals abuse

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Gregg Olsen and Rebecca Morris released their book “If I Can't Have You: Susan Powell,”  which reveals what life was like inside the home of Susan and Josh Powell and their two young sons 7 year-old Charlie and 5 year-old Braden. According to neighbors, Josh mentally and physically abused Susan and the boys. After Susan's mysterious disappearance in 2009, her parents, Chuck and Judy Cox, cared for the boys. They began to see signs that the boys may have been sexually abused while living with their father and paternal grandfather. Susan's body has never been found.  Josh Powell blew up their home, killing his sons and himself in the explosion. Revealed: Josh Powell 'sexually abused his t …

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Traumatic Bonding: When You Love Your Abuser

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Last Memorial Day weekend, as I was picking out flowers for my mom and dad's graves, my dad kept coming to my mind:  What flowers would he like?........Red was always his favorite color, I'll get some red flowers......I should put a little American flag with his flowers, he would like that....... There were a lot of scary, unsettling times in my life with my parents, but one thing that stayed pretty consistent was the soft spot I had for my dad.  It sounds odd, because I was terrified of him. Letting your guard down was never an option.  The smallest thing would trigger a violent rampage.  Yet, I've always had an inexplicable fondness for my dad.  There were many times during my chil …

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The Sociopath as Coach, Part II

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Some sociopaths make the "best" coaches. At least, that's what everyone thinks at the time. So during the athletic banquet at the end of each season, people will often spend more time applauding this beloved individual than they do the young players on the team. Even if those players just broke six individual records. Parents will send "thank you" cards and gifts by the dozen to this coach. Particularly if he or she's also charming, humble, and from the same hometown. They'll talk constantly for weeks and even months about how happy they are that this particular coach came into their child's life. How this person changed everything. Built confidence. Gave a sense of accomplishment. …

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The Sociopath and His Dog

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I'll start by saying that the "his" in my title comes from the fact that this story is about my sociopathic male ex. That being said, I'm sure many of you can think of women who fit this unique description of an "animal lover." So let's begin. My ex loves to tell people how much he loves dogs. He'll also say he loves horses and sheep and cows and chickens and all other sorts of farm and wild animals, but dogs are tops. And there's something really unique about the way a sociopath "loves" a vulnerable creature. It's confusing, wonderful, horrifying, and most often blindsiding. Sometimes, it's even used to shame others. Like me. You see, a couple years ago, I had a little Frenchie-bulldog …

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The Sociopath as Coach

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So I married and divorced a sociopath, but we're connected at the hip for life because we share three children. (It's been sixteen years so far.) And last year, he sued for full custody of two of them. The boys. We're still in court today, trying to work out the details of that. Because despite all the issues I've experienced in the family court system since 2007, in this instance the professionals involved did (finally) manage to ask why we're back in court and why I should lose custody. My ex had his full list of reasons, but man, I've been fighting back. Which means defending myself as a parent. Sending photographs to the guardian of the kids and I—since birth.   Reminding them …

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Father allegedly kept teen stowaway from his mother for eight years

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Yahya Abdi, the teen who survived the 5 ½ hour flight in a jet  wheel well, despite extreme cold and low oxygen levels, has left Hawaii and returned to California. A relative said the boy's father was denied access. Abdi, a 15-year-old boy originally from Somalia, has not seen his mother in eight years. Abdilahi Yusuf, Abdi's father, allegedly took Abdi and his brother and sister to the United States without his mother's permission. The boy  had been told by his father that his mother was dead. Abdi recently found out that his mother was not dead; she was living in a remote refugee camp in eastern Ethiopia. With this news he hopped a fence at San Jose International Airport and climbed in …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Reader needs advice to protect her kids

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Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader who goes by the name of “NomorePTSD” has a request. Can  any Lovefraud readers  offer her any advice or suggestions?  This is “NomorePTSD.” My blog post, LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Escaping my mother, the sociopath, appeared on Lovefraud in June of 2013. I talked about my healing from flashbacks that were a result of my childhood and beginning adulthood relationship with my mother, a sociopath who stalked me for 18 years, motivated largely by envy. We are doing total No Contact, and have essentially erased ourselves from the map of her world. Now I have a bit of a dilemma with privacy. My husband and I moved to a new place, bought our home in a LLC and our ca …

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Sociopaths, Assessments, and Court–What’s the Point?

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Last week in Hard to See a Psychopath, I dedicated my post to seeing psychopaths/sociopaths more clearly. I talked about the need for assessments—meaning more training for more clinicians—as a place to start in our quest to "make things better." But what's next? Let's say you're in the family court system. Does an assessment make a difference? Why start there? I thought hard about this all week. Because for the past decade or two, I've lived in a space where I know that my ex is hurting people, but I've been silenced or belittled or ignored in most arenas when I try to talk about it. And I've imagined, many times, that if people just knew the truth, it would make a difference. This wee …

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Hard to See a Psychopath

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I'll start with one man who has dedicated his life to teaching others how to assess and clearly identify psychopaths. Here's part of the bio from his website. “Robert Hare is Emeritus Professor of Psychology, University of British Columbia, where he has taught and conducted research for more than four decades, and President of Darkstone Research Group Ltd., a forensic research and consulting firm. He has devoted most of his academic career to the investigation of psychopathy, its nature, assessment, and implications for mental health and criminal justice. He is the developer of the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) and a co-author of its derivatives, the Psychopathy Checklist: Screen …

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Standing with a Sociopath

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My sociopathic ex and I meet monthly with a psychologist. The Guardian ad litem for our three children ordered us to do this after my ex filed for full custody of our two boys last year. So we've met with this psychologist maybe 6 times now, and neither of us had ever met him before our first meeting. All he knew about us in advance is that we're a "high conflict" couple, and he decided that the best thing he can do for our family is to help us get along. He's also trying to help us settle on an agreement that doesn't entirely eliminate my parenting time or rights. And I appreciate that. Therapy with a Sociopath What's it like? It's not that bad, really, compared to all the other …

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