How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Mourning the man who never was (because he is a psychopath)

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Before I had children, I always dreamed that my children would have a wonderful relationship with both me and their father.   Given the close relationship that I have with my father, I could never have imagined a situation where I would NOT want my child's father to have access to him/her.  (Until now, of course) Here is a quick example of how I felt about my father as a child and why I dreamed for my child to have the same: (This conversation took place as my father was tying my shoes.) Young Cappuccino Queen (circa age 5):  Daddy, when I grow up can I marry you? My father (holding back laughter):  No baby girl, I am already married to your mother. Cappuccino Queen:  But Daddy, I …

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Co-parenting with a sociopath: An environment of distrust (The Headless Bear)

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When I first became exposed to the term "co-parenting", I remember having a visceral reaction.  I was sitting in the three hour court mandated co-parenting class, breaking into a sweat, and having what felt like a full on panic attack as the woman leading the class showed slides of "parenting schedules."  'How in hell was I going to co-parent with a man who was capable of such terrible things,' I thought as I tried to get myself under enough control to not look like a crazy woman.  At the beginning of the class, the leaders made a point to tell everyone to disregard most of what was being said if you were in a situation with abuse/domestic violence. For some reason, this statement made me …

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Lessons from my Child Custody War with a Sociopath

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Custody cases are often referred to as “custody battles”.  Lately when I hear this term, I have to chuckle to myself because a “battle” seems so mild and finite compared to what I have been dealing with since the night I fled my ex's house with my newborn son. A “battle” might be an appropriate title when the case is between two rational parents.  If you are dealing with a sociopath in a child custody case, however, you are probably experiencing what feels more like a war.  Some battles are won and some are lost, but it is never just ONE battle with a person like this.  I am blessed to be able to share my war stories in hopes to give others ammunition that I didn't have (and maybe even gat …

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New Lovefraud author to detail her child custody battle with a sociopath

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Lovefraud's newest contributor is living the nightmare scenario. She met someone who she thought was a talented, successful businessman, because that's what he told her, and that's how he behaved. This man promised to make her dreams of a loving family come true. She had a child with him—and a few days after she gave birth, she fled with her infant, fearing for her life. This woman believes the father of her child is a dangerous psychopath. The woman is writing under the pen name of "Cappuccino Queen." She cannot be identified. She's already received death threats. She needs to stay alive to protect her child. She is truly worried, because at least one woman who was involved with the m …

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Honoring the memory of Amara, Sophie and Cecilia

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It has been interesting to listen to the pundits trying to explain why someone would declare war on those in a theater and open fire. One said, "most of the time these acts are not committed by sociopaths” and asserted that most of the shooters are “depressed.” Many other pundits have said the shooter is obviously without conscience and have described him as “a psychopath.” I bring up these issues because of another story that received very little coverage because it was eclipsed by the horrific events in Colorado. Today I would like to honor the memory of Amara, Sophie and Cecilia, three little ones whose only crime was having a monster as a father. Amara, Sophie and Cecilia …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call "Filippa." I've been reading Lovefraud for years. I've also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, "I'll show you how to screw over an ex-wife." Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out ”¦ releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to manipulate the legal system to harass me or my children. I gave up $150K for full legal and physical custody. He …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What would you do and what would you think?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Maryjane." If your husband, whom you found out had affairs all during your marriage, had a child with his secretary, paid her hush money, came onto your mother, grandmother, and another sister, told you that he had an affair with your sister ”¦ during the time frame that you were readying for divorce, would you believe him? Also, this man gambled away most all the money in the marriage on football and golf betting (at a country club that you were the member of, not him, as he ran up bills) and was an alcoholic ”¦ And at the time, that piece of info about your sister, was just a part of the entire hurtful …

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Do not marry a murderer

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William Balfour, 31, of Chicago, was found guilty last week of murdering Darnell Donerson, Jason Hudson and Julian King. They were the mother, brother and nephew of singer and actress Jennifer Hudson. In my opinion, this case was a tragedy, but a preventable tragedy. Julia Hudson, Jennifer's older sister, brought Balfour into the family when she married him. If she hadn't married this man, it obviously wouldn't have happened. Jennifer Hudson was the first witness in the murder trial. She testified that the entire family was against Julia's relationship with Balfour. "None of us wanted her to marry him. We did not like how he treated her," she stated in court. Julia secretly married …

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New York Times article on child psychopaths

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Today's New York Times Magazine has an excellent article on the signs of psychopathy in children. It presents a heartbreaking story of parents trying to cope with a "callous-unemotional" 9-year-old, and covers much of the current research on the disorder in children. Very well done. Read Can a 9-year-old be a psychopath? on NYTimes.com. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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Born bad

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Two young girls adopted by a loving British couple took after their criminal biological mother. For the adoptive parents, it was a disaster. Read When Cherry adopted these 'angelic' sisters she thought a loving home would heal the wounds of their troubled past. how terrifyingly wrong she was, on DailyMail.co.uk. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …

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