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Do we really just stand by and let these people hurt others?

Last week I heard from a woman who realized that her work supervisor was probably disordered.

The Lovefraud reader was hired by a school system to work one-on-one with a special needs child, but what she was directed to do made no sense. When she asked the school district’s “professionals” about the “therapy,” since, in her experience, it was inappropriate for the child’s needs, they seemed uncomfortable and never really answered her. The supervisor, in the meantime, became belligerent. The Lovefraud reader saw that the supervisor was controlling, the professionals were intimidated, and the child was not receiving the right care.

The Lovefraud reader was so upset that she took medical leave, and the supervisor asked her to resign. She is now unemployed.

After describing the experience, our Lovefraud reader asked: “Do we really just stand by and let these people hurt children, innocent disabled children, workers underneath them, and look the other way?”

Aggressive personalities

This is the most frustrating and disheartening aspect of learning what sociopaths are: Now we can identify them. We know what they are doing. We know that whomever they are doing it to will be damaged. And we feel like we can’t stop the exploiters.

Sociopaths, through charm, deceit and ruthlessness, ensconce themselves in positions of power, whether it’s in a work environment, an organization, a social network or a family. Their objective is to maintain power and control.

Dr. George K. Simon explains this in his book, Character Disturbance. He writes:

Aggressive personalities strive for the dominant position at all times and in all circumstances. This premise is very hard for the average person, especially the neurotic individual, to understand, let alone accept. It’s incomprehensible for most of us to conceive that in every situation, every encounter, every engagement, the aggressive personality is predisposed to jockey with us for the superior position, even in situations with no recognizable need to do so. The failure to understand and accept this, however, is how aggressive personalities so often succeed in their quest to gain advantage over others.

Sociopaths manipulate their way into dominant positions, and then continue to manipulate in order to stay there. The longer they are in these dominant positions, the more power they accumulate, and the less others are willing to go up against them.

And then we come along, perceive the dynamic, see the damage, and want to do something about it.

Understand the reality

I am all for exposing sociopaths in any way possible. I want to hold them accountable. I want justice for the people they victimize. I want to prevent them from hurting anyone else. But before I suggest that you take any action, I want to make sure you understand what you are dealing with. Here are some points to keep in mind:

1. Sociopaths are ruthless in pursuit of their objective. They will cajole, lie, cheat or bully—whatever gets them what they want. They do not care about following the rules, protocol or even the law. If sociopaths decide it’s more convenient to stay within the law, they may go right to the edge but not break it. Sociopaths are experts at operating in the gray areas.

2. People around the sociopath are likely already compromised. The sociopath has probably lined up allies, or at least people who are afraid to go against him or her. These people have been brown-nosed, bought off or intimidated.

3. You may already be compromised. If a sociopath is preparing to discard you, or perceives you as a threat, he or she may have launched a smear campaign, convincingly expressing concern about your behavior or mental stability to everyone you know. By the time you approach them with your concerns, they are primed to discount whatever you say.

4. The authorities may not act. Unless a law has clearly been broken, the police won’t do anything. And unless a case can be proven and won in court, a prosecutor won’t file charges. Also, whether law enforcement or any other authority decides to look into a matter may depend on the organization’s politics.

5. Sociopaths relish confrontation, and view it as a game to win. Even if you manage to get the person in court or some other arbitration venue, he or she will put on an incredible performance—using tears, righteous indignation, whatever—in order to come out on top. They are very, very good at it.

You come first

This is all really depressing. Do we really just stand by watching sociopaths run rampant, from one victim to the next?

Here’s the most important thing to keep in mind when contemplating exposing a sociopath: Your first responsibility is to yourself.

Are you in a position of strength? Your physical safety is most important, but you also need to be concerned about your financial, reputational and legal safety. When the sociopath counterattacks, which he or she will do, can you withstand it?

If you can’t engage a sociopath head-on, can you do anything covertly? Perhaps you can quietly tell people what the sociopath is really like, and let word-of-mouth take over.

If you decide to take on the sociopath, you’ll need two things: irrefutable evidence of the sociopath’s behavior, and nerves of steel. Many Lovefraud readers have no choice but to face the sociopath in court. If you do, you’ll need to stay calm, collected and professional at all times. The sociopath will most likely try to get an emotional reaction out of you. Do not react it’s like feeding the beast.

Spread the word

Perhaps it’s too dangerous for you to try to expose the particular sociopath that you tangled with. It doesn’t mean you have to stay totally silent on the subject.

Whenever an opportunity arises, teach people the basic truths about sociopaths: They exist, and they are destructive. Learn the signs of sociopathic behavior and explain them to others. If we raise the general awareness of these predators, there will be fewer people for them to victimize.


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28 Comments on "Do we really just stand by and let these people hurt others?"

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Donna, another very important article, and thank you.

I feel that everyone in the County where I live should know what the exspath has done – they should. He is a fraud, he is a liar, and he has committed what constitutes as a Federal Crime. The ramifications of what his choices have been have fallen squarely upon my shoulders – for whatever reason – and I am now in a literal fight for survival, on every level.

I also realize that the hard evidence that I have amassed is meaningless, legally. So….with that in mind, I am simmering down and attempting to avoid any discussion about the details of my situation.

I don’t have the stamina – emotionally, physically, or financially – to endure any further actions with regard to the exspath. And, as for warning people about him? I cannot control what people will, or will not, choose to believe.

I have much more important things to concentrate on.

Brightest blessings

Thank you Donna for this new article on an much controversial point. It’s a difficult decision to take, or at least one that deserves thoughtful consideration given the risk involved in terms of our safety and the high emotional investment in any dealings with not just a sociopath but an enraged and vindictive sociopath. I, for my part, almost got sued by my ex-spath for alleged defamation. I needed to inform a company about the reason why I couldn’t continue to appear in the show, and the ‘big word (S)’ could have cost me being incarcerated or pay a high fine. It all ended up being hot air but I could have spared myself many days of emotional and physical stress and countless sleepless nights all the while until everything was resolved to my advantage. It pays off to be cautious when exposing a S. We need to do our best to expose the wrongdoings of Spaths but we must be on the safe side and protect ourselves from possible adverse consequences.

I think the short answer is yes.

When attempting to discredit a SP we are working against a clever con. Exposing his dark side makes us appear to be experiencing “sour grapes” …”if I can’t have him/her I want to make sure his life is miserable without me”.

While pretending to be charming, caring, nice folks they also encourage others to believe that their victims have mental issues…their victims are not to be trusted or believed.

You might be able to alert those who have not yet made contact with him/her, but those who have already been charmed will likely decide that the perp is so wonderful that he must be in the right…and you must really be looney tunes and vindictive to “make up” nasty stories about someone as likeable as him.

So, I think it is best to keep your allegations to yourself. Those who are smitten aren’t going to believe you anyway. Think about it, could you have been convinced that you were dealing with a bad guy once you were under his spell?

Even if you gave any credence to anyone else’s alligations, he’d tell you convincing lies (to keep you)and discredit the whistle blower (you should avoid).

The best thing to do is to collect hard evidence. PROOF can back you up, if necessary, when his charm ultimately convinces others to avoid listening to your unfounded rants.

Thank you for this Donna. The story hits close to home. The exspath currently works with disabled children that he testified ‘don’t speak.’ Even after he was charged with child abuse of my son he continued to work there. When he showed up for court on the charges, one of his supervisors was there to testify on his behalf!

Have lost many hours of sleep terrified for the children, including my own of course. I went to the police with my suspicions who told me that unless I had something ‘solid’, there was nothing they could do.

It is a really difficult situation when there are children involved. When I called the department of education they told me that there was nothing they can do because he was charged, not convicted.

I could see the xspath trying to bring up defamation charges and then we end up in trouble for trying to expose their abuses.

What an on point article Donna. I struggle a lot with the idea of exposing my ex. It infuriates me that he just lives “under the radar” or in the “grey area”. Just today someone told me that he problem is that everything he is doing is carefully planned so that he can skirt the laws or be “below the radar”. This is infuriating because most of the things are still crimes, but not obvious enough or with enough evidence for a prosecutor to go after it. I am starting to think that unless a person stabs someone in front of hundreds of witnesses or shoots a ton of people in a movie theatre…its a toss up as to whether the state will bother going after the person.

Worse yet, some spaths keep cops in their pocket, just in case they need a cover. Mine did. He had the cops doing his dirty work for him.

Skylar, absolutely – I have to be very, very cautious about the exspath’s actions. I speak only that which can be proven through hard, physical evidence and I try to leave my emotions out of the situation.

Also, with regard to the colleague’s “notice to vacate,” I must be very, very careful about that, as well. The interesting thing about THIS situation is that there are actually some people who clearly see that my colleague’s girlfriend is what she is. And, they are actually (seriously) dropping “hints” about the fact that marriage will not erase any minor personality issues and that the bond of the legal contract of marriage invariably creates worse issues that were simply ignored.

“Outing” a spath is probably the most dangerous endeavor, on every level.

Brightest blessings

I am getting ready to face off with my husband in court. He is a full blown, poster child for psychopathy. When we reprint Webster’s dictionary, his picture needs to be next to the definition of a psychopath.

I went to my local county domestic violence shelter for advice yesterday. They suggested that when I go to court – I cannot afford an attorney – that I have everything I need to show proof of his fraud with our taxes.

I advised her that I have a black notebook “color coded” by sections in my book. Indeed, the majority of the transgressions of this person are “under the radar”. The emotional abuse and the manipulative behaviors. Sadly, my psychopath has committed fraud. This is a felony offense. My psychopath would now fall into the “white” collar crime group. He has officially crossed over to the criminal psychopath definition and I have the proof.

The confidence and self assured person that God created has returned to the building. I will be totally prepared emotionally when I face him first in the mediation process later this month.

I dont know if my psychopath will ever “pay” for his transgressions against me and all the other women he abused over the course of 40 years of his life, but I do know that he will be brought to court for some of our legal woes. I do know that the “truth” about this person will fall upon deaf ears for those that still buy the bullshit he doles out to all of them. He has been doing this a long time and he is very, very good at it. Most are to have survived this long without legal punishment. They know the game.

We will just see how “crazy” I really am….one thing he will never do to me is make me cry. Never again.

I have very little faith in law enforcement or the legal system, especially after reading Jaycee Dugard’s story and the numerous mistakes that were made that might have led to her discovery – or prevented her kidnapping in the first place. Having said that, most of you know I dated a spath for less than 3 short months, and realizing what he was was completely devastating for me, even after this short time. I DID expose him, but in the right place, and I got lucky. He was in the army. Apparently, the army had suspected malingering (faking a medical disability to get out). When I turned him in for adultery, they asked me questions. My answers ended up being the nail in his coffin. I will never know how the army punished him for fraud and adultery but he was found guilty of both. He disappeared from my social circle, and I have not seen or heard from him in over 4 years. It took a full year to recover from the brief exploitive relationship.

Exposing him in the social circle (an internet forum we both belonged to) was much more difficult. I got a lot of disbelief and backlash about being “vindictive” and bringing “drama” onto the forum. So I told a very few well-selected internet friends there. The friends believed me, and they helped guard the forum against his return. When he reappeared a year later, they confronted him on his lies and ran him off the forum. I sat back and watched, grateful that I can continue my membership there. It was a great feeling to have a few people on my side.

I also warned another woman from the forum who lived in his town whom he had visited (unbeknownst to me). At the time, I was still addicted to him, and I feared he’d also had an affair with her, which would have killed me. To my relief, he had not hit on her; instead he wore his wedding ring around her and mentioned his wife (he never did this with me). She was glad for the warning, and she believed me. So my experiences outing a spath were mixed. (My thinking on why he didn’t hit on her was that A) she wasn’t that attractive to him and/or B) she had nothing to offer him, as she was about to be homeless. But he may not have known that at the time – he had to check it out).

It was very rewarding when some others believed me, and those others were able to support me and get him convicted. I cannot imagine having to just run without any kind of validation from the outside world. At the time, I had the overwhelming desire to protect my community from him. I hope I was able to do that in some small way.

Hope52, I would love to be able to reassure you that the Legal system will be just. I realy wish that I could do this with complete confidence.

As it is, I have NO confidence (caps for emphasis), faith, or trust in the legal system or Law Enforcement. The exspath has committed a Federal Crime and I have hard physical evidence that proves this – he forged my signature (and, wrote his own) on my individual financial drafts that exceed 75K USD. The coercion and at-will depletion through cash withdrawals totals well over 250K USD – and, this doesn’t include additional inheritances from other bequeathments.

The exspath is not going to face a single Federal charge. He is not going to be arrested, fingerprinted, or even questioned. He will never face a single consequence for his financial frauds. And, I could place $10 million on the emotional damages that I wil carry with me to the end of my days, and so what? Because the exspath did not rob me of millions, he’s small fries and unimportant.

This fact, alone, that he is “small fries” and that his crimes do not warrant prosecution and punitive consequences is precisely WHY spaths are able to walk away and leave their victims destitute and utterly ruined, on every level.

This is what needs to change: punitive damages and lifelong restitution to victims of fraud. LIFETIME restitution – for the rest of the spath’s life, they should pay restitution.

Just my 2 cents

Truthspeak you are right.

I may lose in court and that is definitely a possibility. However, the Federal government WILL have it’s day in court.

We shall see what happens. Tax evasion and fraud sends many people to prison.

Hope52, I hope that you’re right and that the spath faces Federal consequences.

In my case, it’s not going to happen. Plain and simple.

Brightest blessings

I divorced him after 10 years.

I cut him off completely from me after 30 years and my children were angry at me.

It escilated.

My daughter moved to where he lives.

I had a breakdown.

I told the truth after 35 years and my children were angy and my daughter took his side.

He targeted her after his third divorce.

He is playing the poor pitiful him role.

I fought against him for 10 more years and my daughter decided I was the problem and cut me off and took away my grandchildren.

You cannot win against a snake in suit lawyer psychopath.

The truth is not recognized by his victims until it is too late.

I can only pray for my daughter and grandchildren…and myself.

More power to those of you who can fight and win!!! God bless you.

More power to those of you who can fight and win!!! God bless you.

Dear Betsygugs,

The mask will fall off ! Sociopaths eventually show their true selves, expose their sick, evil selves, and people WILL know there is somethign wrong with him and not you!…it takes time, they always unravell themselves and the truth comes out.

Pleople, including your daughter stay in denial for a long time, because none can believe such despicable people exist under the guise of “normalcy”

LET TIME AND THEIR OWN STUPIDITY TAKE CARE OF IT…THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT.

I’m so sorry for your pain. I understand the hell it is to be on the receiving end of smear campaing and have your children turn against you.

Namastee…

Personally….I no longer try to warn other people on these predetors…I’ve learned from my own experience the smear campaign is so deep and distorted, that I only end up looking like a tota fool, and like the crazy person I’ve been portrayed to be.

Aeylah,
I agree, just saying the word’s “he’s a socipath’ make’s people look at you like you have two head’s, then they turn and run…
Oh well I was warned ” only after I was embedded and hooked” so I say..some of us deserve the lesson we get..
quote > “Life itself is a race, marked by a start and a finish. It is what we learn during this race that determines wether our participation has had paricular value. If we learn from each success and each failure and improve ourselves through this process, then, in the end we will have fullfilled our potential and performed well”

I had three sociopathic boyfriends in total, so it’s time to do some work on myself to stop ending up in their clutches. The three of them caused me to end up in hospital and one of them even caused me to end up in jail because he overstayed his visa. As it turned out, the man who rented us a house turned out to be a sociopath who robbed us of three brand-new computers and then called immigration to report us for overstaying our visa. He later robbed us all our belongings, and some he gave them away to pay off his debts. My ex-spath played mental games with him and tried to flirt with his gf over the phone so the landlord took revenge on him. As it happens the landlord reported only my ex-spath not me, he had nothing against me but the immigration officers who went home to arrest us said I was a bonus. OMG, I lost so much weight during the 14 days I was imprisoned and I even got a lot of grey hairs, I almost died. So a sociopath takes you always to hell, believe me. With the second one I also ended up in hospital. We went on a tour in the summer of 2010 and I lost my appetite because for some reason I caught a glimpse of the devil inside the sociopath and one night I jumped out of my hotel bed feeling a strong burning sensation on my chest (symbolic: flames of hell? after all I was with the devil). I thought I was dying and that the sociopath was causing my death through sadistic mind-games and put-downs and shameless audacity (flirting before my eyes with every women he came across in the rest areas during our trip). I jumped out of my bed and shouted at him at the top of my voice and told him I wanted to go back home (home country), and I grabbed his covers and threw them on to the floor and told him to call an ambulance. The ambulance came shortly and they checked my vital signs, my heart was pounding and the paramedics said I could either stay at the hotel and visit a doctor the next day or I could go to hospital to get medical attention. I decided to do the latter. I told the doctor at the emergency room that I was with a mean person who had mistreated me and I wanted to go back to my home country. They saw I had an anxiety attack and treated me for that. My real problem was that I was sleeping with someone who had gone to the school’s devil, in other words a sociopath. To relate all the details of his mistreatment here would fill many pages but you can already know about. The devilish creature didn’t even deign to accompany me to hospital with the ambulance, he stayed at the hotel with his 15 year old son. I can tell you I felt so healthy again at the hospital and I slept so well for the first time in days. I felt whole again, it was like a return from hell more or less, hell represents the sociopath and heaven represents the Empaths taking care of me at the hospital. I hope this story gives you insight into the evil that sociopaths are and so dangerous for a woman’s health. Everything happens under the radar, we don’t even notice and we can fall ill just from their psychological abuse. It happened to me. The thirds sociopath also caused me to end up in hospital, he got me pregnant and I’m in my mid-forties, so risky at my age and first child for me. I suffered an abortion at 11 weeks and I had to undergo a curettage, it was an awful experience. I’m alive so I suppose it made me stronger but at such a high price. I will never ever get involved with a sociopath. I know we have to tell our stories so that we make the damage sociopaths do more tangible and avoid them like the plague. By telling you about my predicament with 3 sociopaths I want women to realize how dangerous sociopaths are for our health. I hope it helps you feel liberated and hopeful of a heavenly peaceful life without them. :-)Blessings

Victorian12, I’m grateful that you’re in a good healing space and that you’ve been able to progress on your healing path.

It is a fact that people (women, particularly) develop chronic illnesses and lifelong auto-immune disorders as a direct result of physical/emotional abuses and traumas. Just about everyone that has posted on this site has mentioned, at one time or another, the health issues.

I explained it to a friend, this way: the mind and body are one unit. The mind is processing information while the body functions as a complex organism, even down to a cellular level. When the mind has absorbed extreme traumas (verbal, emotional, sexual, etc.), it cannot process that negativity effectively. If we eat something that has gone over, our bodies eliminate the stuff through violent physical reactions. But, the mind has no way of eliminating negativity, so the body takes the toll on a physiological level.

I’m so glad to read that you’re well and safe, Victorian12.

Brightest blessings

At my age (74) and the 40 years of devastation I’ve been through plus the fact that I have grandchildren, I don’t care who I tell/warn and whether or not they believe me. I still feel it’s important for me to tell my daughter-in-laws what the symptoms are so they can be on the lookout in their children. And for my own safety, I have told attorneys and close friends, a few of which now recognise the symptoms. As a lifelong teacher, I feel compelled to spread the knowledge; to those ignorants who still believe I’m crazy, I say so be it!

Truthspeak,

Thank you so much for your moral support and nice feelings. It feels so good to be understood by real people with empathy. I feel liberated from evil and I want to encourage all women to speed up their healing by thinking of their liberation which is our greatest gift of all after the traumas we’ve been through. I think that relating our stories in detail helps to see the drama we have lived for what it is and not dwell on our victim-of-a-sociopath side of the story but rather focus on our strengths for being survivors of a major emotional trauma and heroines for overcoming the trauma and luck for coming out alive and being liberated from demonic entities.
Thank you Truthspeak for your good point on the women’s health issue. Love

Hello everyone — Not been here in a while. I had to do a great deal of soul searching and prayer — and I had to do what I did EXACTLY right — and with the support of my daughter. So…. I sent the letter to IT’S wife. I sent it restricted delivery certified — and she received it three days later… and sent me a note right away thanking me for the letter and saying it was the answer to her prayers. This was just days before their anniversary, which needless to say, they did not celebrate. She spent her anniversary day in a divorce attorney’s office, and left him the very next day. He doesn’t know what hit him, and it’s about time he had the wind blown out of his sails.
Of course we are all being very cautious. The police have been notified, and he has been spoken to as well — so I don’t think there will be any problems. I remain vigilant — as do we all… But I feel like we WON this one… victims no more — and I feel so liberated and vindicated. Just wanted to share.

kathie2: so happy to hear that all has worked out for you and your daughter.
I have been thinking of you and wishing you both well.

Your plan sounds like it turned out wonderful.
Perhaps this will be a ‘turning point’ in “ITS” life somehow.
From the ‘wife’s’ reaction, from what you say, she was happy to have some proof of some sort and was able to get herself out of another can of worms, all together. Hm?

Congratulations.
I hope that you and your daughter now feel a little ‘vindicated’ and as if that sweet karma has come to your rescue and defense; funny thing about karma.

Yes, always remain vigilant with sociopaths.
You just never know when their thoughts take them over and they become an entirely different person. I am happy your local law enforcement has been notified and is aware of the situation. Bravo! Job well done.

Stay safe and vigilant in all paths of your life.
Times are changing so quickly and people are becoming so heartless and selfish anymore. I don’t mean to sound like a pessimist, but I just see things as they look. Know what I mean? I don’t think, after the YEARS of my experience, that I will ever trust another man around me, ever again. I am finished with being disrespected and used.

Take care of yourself, kathie2…

Dupey

I just saw your story on ”Who the bleep did i marry?” That piece of excriment that u married called James Montgomery should have his private part cut off and thrown in the clinker for life.What a worthless piece of crap he is.He should be sent to jail in the USA and made to work until he has paid all your money back.If it’s sounds too good to be true,it usually is.Anyways why would you go for such a homely mope in the first place.This guy was big on BS and short on actually doing anything but loafing.Sorry but i know people like this also and they are truely rotten to the core!

Your question, Donna, it also keeps running in my head, Do we just stand by and let …..? OMG, once we’re past the worst phase of our recovery from the trauma of being in a psychopathic bond, we start thinking, but what can we do to stop it, how can our experience and awareness of the nature of these predators help put a stop to their emotional carnage? Honestly I want to do something about it and I’m not thinking in retaliation terms, I’m thinking in Empathic terms. Solidarity comes to mind. We know how painful our experience with a sociopath is, is that not well-founded enough grounds to intervene in any way we can in the awareness-raising campaign that’s been initiated by many scholars, widely-renown victims, experts in the field, writers, etc? I want to do something about it and it’s doesn’t quite boil down to just letting the next victim in on her ‘sociopath’. We can’t just stand by and let it go on happening to others. Let’s spread the word and reduce the number of people the sociopaths victimize. Wherever I go I bring up the subject, I don’t care about misjudgments, I just care about letting the truth come into the open. Blessings

I say it depends on the situation.

His sister in law warned me that he was a sociopath – I did not believe her and honestly, wanted not to believe her and I did not know what that was until I looked up the word.

When he and I broke up he said he would find someone to take care of him – a rich widow and he did just that. He now lives in her million dollar home and driving her dead husbands luxury car. The dead husbands obituary is still on line (it has been 2 years) and I look at the photo and tell him I am sorry but there is nothing that can be done, his loving wife has fallen prey to a con man.

If in any way I tried to warn her – I most likely would be arrested – since I have been labeled – crazy, psycho, liar, disfunctional and all the rest of the words. My ex would lie until there was no tomorrow to ensure he stays with his cash cow. I feel sad for her. His sister in law said to me that he “loved me as much as he could” – her words still ring in my ears. How true…..

It’s interesting reading the various blogs on this site – that when we are labeled as crazy – we actually are the sane ones, it’s the other person who is crazy.

This is SUCH an important topic – thank you Donna.

Re: “outing” someone you suspect of being a psychopath/sociopath/malignant narcissist, etc… Saying “that person is X” to someone else generally isn’t the way to go about it; matter of fact that’s what abusive people do (except they are usually better at it, and more subtle than non-abuser)s. And it can leave that person you tell more vulnerable in the end if they believe you, but then go on to say the same things themselves to others, but without the ‘evidence’ or appropraite language at hand to properly describe it – language that you’ve developed over time and with a lot of hard work and research – including talking to other victims.

I think Donna has answered the question in her last paragraph – better to teach a person to fish than give them a fish.

We can – usually – say all we need to say by just describing the behaviours/condition WITHOUT EVER MENTIONING any one individual by name. If people just hear about how this whole business works, and can then start to connect the dots between the descriptions (which can be independently validated elsewhere) and the red flag behaviours they observe themselves (or their gut feel that ‘something’ is off) their understanding and by-in goes that much deeper. It gives them the tools they need to spot ALL the predators in their lives, not just the one particular one you’re trying to warn them about.

Plus, it weeds out those that are either supporters or sycophants from those people who will try to do the right thing if they are educated. Far better to refrain from directly accusing someone TO someone who will either out YOU to the abuser, or who will attack you for giving them information they have no intention of hearing in the first place. Providing the information without providing any pressure, or naming anyone specific, allows those people who want to to listen, while allowing those who don’t want to know, or who’s instinct is to defend the abuser, to just brush it off as irrelevant & non-threatening.

BTW, anyone heard from Oxy these days? Know how she’s doing? I’ve checked in a couple times lately but haven’t seen her posting. Did she have her operation?

OXY, if you’re reading this, I’m sending lots of ‘get well soon’ wishes!

EDIT: I forgot to mention the point I’d orginally logged in to make: that when it comes to warning others we need to take a page from the ‘successful’ psychopaths and play the ‘long game’ here. We won’t be able to save everyone, but we can certainly do our best to:

a) change the long-term conditions so that survivors can find help healing, and
b) try to create a tipping-point of awareness so that we stop creating environments which are conducive to predators to operate in with impunity.

I know it’s impossible to listen to anybody’s advice when under the love bombing spell, but in my case, it was my mother who kept telling me about real things that I didn’t want to listen to and through repetition somehow it helped me not to take things for granted, I mean, it made me step back and think that what felt too good to be true might be just that. I was happy but knowing that it was possible that the things that my mother said about my ex-psychopath might be true lessened my euphoria. So I’m just saying, be there for the targets involved if the opportunity arises and spread the word in a kind and comprehensible manner. In my case, the target knows about me because I appeared on TV with him, but he has run a smear campaign like they all do. I’m sure he’s told to her new target that I spent all his money and that’s why he’s broke, also that I was mentally sick blah blah blah, all lies, just turn his words around to and you get the truth. You know how the story goes. If I was her, I would contact his ex-gf (me) without him knowing and find out all I can about him but we women in our vanity commit the mistake of believing that we are better than the previous ones and that if he chooses us it must be because we are very special to him and we are better than any other one. Our vanity is their gateway to entangle us in their web. We are no better/prettier or more special than anybody else he’s been or ever will be with, we are just the same object as they all were, that’s the reality. I read somewhere that we need to get rid of our vanity and heal our traumatic child experiences or whatever emotional hole we carry with us which makes us visible to predators in order to stop falling prey to these psychopaths and that’s the homework we need to do to heal and never to relapse. And believe me if we ever find someone who values us in a special way, he will show it through their actions not love bombing. Blessings

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